Once in awhile as a man you will find yourself surrounded by a flock of birds, pecking at you in attempt to have you bleed out the man laws. It is times like this when a man can figure out if he is steadfast in his principles or confused and dazed when made to think about it. If it has never happened to you, be sure and prepare yourself for it because it will occur if you find yourself in the company of more than 2 women, one being freshly single and alcohol being involved. If you don’t understand what it is I am getting at, just picture a collection of women in a question and answer with one guy as to “why do men do this?”

My testing came about during the 50th birthday of my mother, as I played bartender to a good number of patrons, most being older, single women who had known my mom for some time. Being that she invited a lot of fellow employees who had barely met me, as the night ripened I found the bar surrounded by no less than 8 women… talking.  After the 3rd Appletini or so, I was immediately thrust into the proving grounds, forced to answer for a history of corny guys, players and mama’s boys who these women equated as the man race. I was ready, having had a dry vodka Martini or 3, the James Bond in me stood fast and I was able to explain to these women, why it is men do the things we do. But I didn’t stop there, I stuck to the script, being the warrior that I am, I shot back questions of my own. Questions that made them realize that oft times it’s the unstable methodology of women that makes the rational male turn bitch in the worst situations. It worked out well and at the end of the night I felt happy and satisfied with my roasting. I did good for the fellas and my rite of passage had been solidified.

The important thing about these roasts is in your feelings after it had occurred. If you feel tired, dazed and battered it was because they got the better of you, it also means that you need to refer to your man bible and strengthen your resolve. If you are good and feel enlightened, empowered and reinforced by the conversation then you are a champion. For those of you who have yet to undergo this, or have gone through it and lost, I will give some hints to help you out in these situations. This 10 step process will be your sword and buckler for any drilling in terms of man questions and will see you satisfied after the exchange.

10 Tips for surviving a Manhood Roast:

1. Only answer questions that are relevant. For questions that pertain to a very unique, weird type of man that the woman has dealt with, simply say “that isn’t a typical dude you were dealing with.”.
2. Put yourself in the shoes of the accused. There are 3 sides to every story, you are hearing hers. The way it’s being told you are to assume she is perfect, reality is she isn’t. Put the question back on her, “so what was your issue?”
3. If you are cornered and losing, bring up the most negative of women: gold diggers and man eaters. Do this and watch them backpedal to defend themselves as not being one of these… it will allow you some air to recuperate.
4. Answer questions then relay one of your own in contrast. This makes for good, informative conversation while giving you the advantage of volleying an accusation back at the accuser.
5. Unlike race questions (which you should never have to answer), you should never back down from a manhood questioning. If it’s getting too hot for you, try the old “why do you women assume that we are all the same?” Throw out an accusation of “wanting a thug” and let her relent while you think of something else smart to say.
6. Remind them that Hollywood characterizations are gross, unreal versions of reality. Bring up stereotype characterizations like the men from A Color Purple, Double Jeopardy or any Tyler Perry movie. Mention Oprah and the slow castration of manhood over the years. Ask their opinions on men being held to the standards of our fathers yet having little to none of the authority afforded them back in the day.
7. Never defend the men used in their examples of bad guys. Explain the activity in regards to the big picture, if it makes sense – if not then refer to step 1.
8. A bitch is a bitch. Sometimes a woman has experienced an authentically bad (bitch ass dude) guy. When it seems that way then there is no need to defend his actions, just let her know her pain is due to her poor judge of character. No-one forces all these attractive women to date cornballs and losers. Check yourselves ladies, we can’t answer that one for you.
9. Bitter women make for poor conversationalists. If it seems like the conversation is one-sided due to the woman not listening but barking angry questions at you, stop wasting your time. Let her know that she is hurt, and no answer you give will be allowed to help her get past her hate. You are both wasting your time talking about it, tell her to go vent to her girls, not you.
10. Finally, stay strong in your resolve. Answer what you can, honestly and never take the questions personally. We aren’t all cut from the same cloth so look at things objectively and do your best. Remember, it’s how you feel at the end that matters.

So go forth, conquer and do us proud my fellows. I would love to hear your battle stories, if you have any but either way, stand firm, answer from the mind and not the heart and you will win the day.

Related Posts:

1. Solutions for The Single Black Female
2. The Curse of Being a Beautiful Woman
3. Keep Quiet About Your Racial Fetish
4. 10 Reasons to Dump Your Girlfriend
5. How To Tell if Your Girlfriend’s a Bitch

Written by Greg Dragon on Wednesday, December 2, 2009 
Filed under The Code of Man, Women · Tagged with accusation, oprah, single women, tips