People always say that its only when pet peeves and annoying ways come into play that you realize how much you are willing to put up with when it comes to dating… once you know how much you are willing to put up with (and what you definitely are not) you tend to migrate towards and settle with someone who fits that mold.

Then there’s that chick.  We all know who she is, the one who for whatever reason, her issues are always the sole controller of her emotions when she meets someone and gets close to a real relationship.  Could it be that she is much more comfortable when she is getting screwed over because that’s familiar to her?? I have known women in the past who have put up with a lot of jackass activity and they truly didn’t deserve it.  Makes me think nice girls really do finish last.  It’s like when they are finally treated lovely, get honest answers to their questions and are shown there’s a genuine interest – all that is very foreign to them.  They almost always screw it up for themselves being too busy waiting for that other shoe to drop!  If this rings true to you ladies, please read on.  There are ways to get rid of the bags…

So how does one get past the past? Takes a conscious effort to change the way you feel about it.  A “last straw” of sorts will lead a person to truly value what they have to offer.  I will reveal my personal moment of truth, and for me, leaving the country alone to celebrate my birthday after being stood up at the airport was my last straw.  Going into the trip, I made that effort to pick my heart up off the floor and look within myself to figure out why I was getting treated the way I was.  I found myself at a bar complaining about a man, one that I had just met no less, to a couple of strangers, and one of them said to me that I sounded slightly bitter, like I’m mad at more than the one man.  That was my moment – damn…does it really show like that?? If a complete and total stranger, as tipsy as he was, saw the fire in my eyes, then it was safe to say that any man who got close to me would definitely feel the flame.  Unless, of course, I take the first step and make a conscious effort to snuff it out. Which I did.

Getting past the past also takes patience.  I have witnessed numerous men running for dear life at the sign of baggage, so one must be prepared for plenty disappointments as it takes a bit of practice to not drop the bags at his door (or even worse, asking him to carry them in for you).  Who are you to hold this guy responsible for what the last one did? It makes sense – if you truly felt that he was going to follow in the jackass’ footsteps, then why would you want to have him in the first place? Makes sense, right?

Getting past the past also takes the confidence to ask what you want to know. The hard part is being willing to hear that answer you receive.  Ladies, when I say “hear” I mean…listen to it and accept it as truth.  Only the man who gives the answer can change the answer. Many women with issues tend to go through hell and high water to make the man happy even though he has spelled it out for her.  All this does is make you feel like your “best” is not good enough. F-ck that!!! I don’t care how many different ways the persuasion is attempted because unless he actually changes his mind, there is nothing that you can do about the answer you get.

Basically, you must get yourself together and go on a mission to change the constant cycle that you find yourself in. Erykah Badu said it best, “Bag Lady, you gonna miss your bus…you can’t hurry up cuz you got too much stuff”. I may be out of my 20’s, but I figure it’s never too late to explain this.  You should want to enjoy life, experience things you never have, travel, show your kids or younger siblings how to enjoy life, etc.   If someone worthy comes along, and I stress the word “worthy”, that you can share it with and build with, go for it! But accept nothing less. Nice girls can identify with missing plenty buses in life as most just drive by and splash her.  However, they were never going to take you where you wanted to go anyway.  So smile nice girl…and stand strong at the bus stop.  Follow my advice and you will definitely be on a different route in no time.

Written by Nia Syrah on Thursday, December 17, 2009 

Filed under Relationships, The Dating Game
Tagged with comfort, confidence, heart, jackass, love, nice girls