Jan 26
It has been discussed millions of times but as much as it has been made to look like common knowledge, it really isn’t. If you are a drop-dead gorgeous woman who hasn’t gone into modeling, acting or porn, your dating pool by default will be a shallow one. This fact is usually dispelled by women who don’t fit the mold of this with statements such as “you can have ANY guy you want” or “you’re one to complain”. This gives the beauty instant guilt resulting in the not-so-hot girl feeling better about herself and the beauty thinking there may be some truth to this. The problem with this myth however is that a typical guy will be intimidated to make first contact and if the beauty pushes up she will be instantly placed into the slut category. For a seasoned wolf, the beauty will be tried because the wolf knows more often than none a beauty will be single.
Going into the dating pool, the beauty has to battle against insecure men, unspoken stigmas (will explain in the next paragraph) and female haters (who aren’t as hot). A beautiful woman is so deadly that her photograph will bring instant venom from any casually cute woman who sees it. Posing with her will yield unstoppable questions from the girlfriend/wife as long as you keep it. Your fellow guys will press on and on about who she is and whether you “blazed it” or not. See in our society, this site as an example, we worship beautiful people, some of us try to join them in their beauty through all sorts of healthy and unhealthy methods and some try to conquer them. Since this form of worship makes porcelain dolls and marble statues in our minds of a stunning beauty, whenever we encounter one many of us react strangely.
Male Stigmas on Beautiful Women
Most red-blooded heterosexual men will tell you to stay away from the beautiful women. In our minds a woman cannot be a total package. She cannot be nice, well-mannered and supportive as a beauty. She cannot be drop-dead gorgeous and not be a psycho or a total bitch. Many times a guy who gets in with a beauty will literally be waiting for bitch mode to reveal itself and if he isn’t that type then his friends probably are. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard a guy say that pretty girls are psycho, I would have a couple hundred dollars from that statement alone. It’s a harmful cliche because it gets into your head and it sits there. The stigma presents itself in books, movies and tales of woe from friends who have found a crazy beauty.
For the guy who lands a beauty and is happy with his relationship or marriage, other guys will hate on him as hardcore as women will hate on her. Guys will say stuff like “did you see her husband? He’s just some fat nerd cat, he has to be loaded”, or “how is she that fine and dude looks like some average frat boy?” Guys spew this rhetoric without thinking twice because of how we see things. In this world every guy believes that a dorky guy or an average guy has to date down. When we see a guy that has a banger on his arm it turns into her being either a gold digger or a lunatic. Rarely do we congratulate a fellow male who is happy with his beautiful wife, unless dude is a living specimen. Let a Denzel Washington, a Michael Jai White or a Jason Statham that is built like a linebacker roll out with the beauty on his arm and dudes don’t have jack to say. It is our view that only a manly, man amongst men, alpha dog, stud deserves to have a beautiful woman. Anything else gets hated on, which is quite funny since more times than none the guy hating would never, ever in 100 years step to that woman to ask her out.
Women hate Beautiful Women
This is common knowledge to the world so I will not spend much time on it. Women unlike men run comparisons with one another. It is one of the reasons they hate each other so much, ESPECIALLY if a woman has it going on. The attitude becomes that of “oh she thinks she’s all that” or “those are fake anyway”. The aspect of hate is not foreign to most women when it comes to beauties unless they themselves are the stunner and they know it. If you want to test your girl on this, just ask her what she thinks of Giada De Laurentiis, hell you can go on any Food Network relative blog commentary and read their thoughts on Giada. The confident women will prop her cooking and scoff at her low cut dresses but the other 98% will say her head is big, her mouth is too big or refer negatively to her breasts. It’s amazing how much negativity a woman can receive just for looking good.
What can a Beautiful Woman do to dispel stigmas?
Absolutely nothing, this is why it is a curse ladies. I will say this though, not all guys are intimidated and the ones who aren’t are probably the ones you will find attractive anyway. Manly guys with enough confidence and swagger to pull you without fear will be the ones approaching you. Now don’t mix these guys up with the married losers who will try to pull you for Gooma status. A married man has absolutely nothing to lose in terms of rejection, he doesn’t care, he just wants a chance at some beautiful “strange” that he would not step to as a single man. I see it all the time, dude gets married to average looking, supportive chick then runs out as many fine women as he can on the side because the fear factor is nil.
It amazes me how easily beautiful single women slide their panties off for someone else’s husband. Oft times this guy isn’t even a winner, doesn’t have the physique of a god and isn’t even a gentleman, just some married dick with a promise. Still I won’t be the one to hate the player, the game will keep on going regardless of me telling you about the traps or not. Women, it’s simple, many of us are literally afraid of a gorgeous woman telling us that we are not good enough, good looking enough and manly enough for you. Many guys will step to you expecting you to go into bitch mode and when you don’t then they will assume that you open your legs a whole lot. Not sure who you can blame for this but it is extremely complicated. I apologize for the cowardly section of the man race and I encourage you to find someone who can appreciate your beauty while treating you like a human being.
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on March 11, 2011 - 10:54 am
Oh, Em, Gee..you gave me life..My mouth dropped by the second sentence. The men are INSECURE and it sucks. I’ve had relationships that I thought were perfectly fine and ended up being accused of things that never crossed my mind because I find myself a topic of this ‘ribbing’ that you mentioned. Who knew that the fellas whispering in a man’s ear was more powerful than mine.
I’m not bitch, I’m not (too) crazy, I’m educated, I’m fun to be around and I’ll flip….pancakes just the way you like it…..and I was told by an ex that he just couldn’t believe ‘a girl like me’ was into him. Girls like me can have any man they want. What’s wrong with me if I’m standing here loving him……Oh, Kay….so I did all of this ‘me’ act that I do for nothing.it’s like being invisible sometimes.
I did post the picture that got me cursed out by 20+ different females after a semi-celebrity commented me on my photo on Twitter. Line after line I was reminded that I wasn’t shit, in various forms or annunciations.
Luckily I have a super swagger conservative alpha who knows what’s going on and only smirks at the looks he gets over the shoulder and he noticed the …’why is he with her…’ look coming from other men (who I know would probably smile or wolf call after me in anything). If they only knew I am all into my guy because he makes me feel beautiful (among many other of his great qualities).
Now I’ll go get my morning tea while the criticism gets flung at me.
Peace
on March 11, 2011 - 12:42 pm
Thanks for your comment Tracy and I hope your relationship is long and worthwhile for you. I see it too often, and I hear it more – the insecurity that guys put on beautiful women just because they can’t find comfort in themselves with being yours. I recently spoke to an ex of mine who is beautiful and her current guy is making a stink of her going to the gym, doing martial arts and dancing because other guys are looking at her… yes this idiot is asking her to quit life so that he can package her away from the world. But being beautiful and fed up with loneliness she’s sticking it out in hopes of him changing. He won’t.
There’s nothing more pathetic than an insecure man, if a guy can’t believe that you chose him then it’s time to find yourself someone who can appreciate you and appreciate the fact that you are with him.
on April 5, 2011 - 8:27 pm
Thank you for your insight, it really meant a lot to me to read this article! Just as some girls struggle with anorexia or bulemia, I have struggled with other girls seeming to always hate me for no reason. Its certainly something that I have often been upset about for most of my life– always wondering what was wrong with my personality. Now I am extremely sensitive and careful with my interactions with people. Well instead of turning into a basket case, I will learn not to take what other women say about me to heart, and to be more guarded with men– at least I will be able to quickly weed out the losers!
I just want other women, who struggle with their body image, to know that its really not worth it. Be happy with who you are, and that people will value you for your intellect. Because to me, if I could just find one guy who considered me a nice person because of my personality, it would mean the world to me!
on April 28, 2011 - 9:47 pm
Wow! Well..I always tell myself that I am an ok looking woman but I have people tell me that I am beautiful ALL of the time. My one good friend says that Im on Halle’s level of beauty and I don’t know it and this is what makes me even more beautiful. I see beauty in every woman tho…and I never get jealous!
Anyways…im here because I too have problems!! Im in the military, single and there are many guys single and available. People tell me that they overheard this guy and that guy or guys talking about how fine I am BUT NO ONE EVER APPROACHES ME!! I get SO mad!!! I AM NOT ALL OF THAT I say to myself over and over! I am just like everyone I have feelings and insecurities and I am a GOOD woman! I DONT cheat..EVER!! The funny thing is…married men are always approaching me!! Unattractive men too! The men that I like NEVER like me tho lol
I am also HATED by my coworkes! Some are really cool but many don’t like me! I OVERLY am nice and will make sure I contradict any preconceived notions because of how I look. I am a very happy person, I open doors for people..men and women! Ive gotten looks like..huh? LOL I give complements all day but this makes people assume that I am naive and weak! I ignore a lot things that people do to me. I don’t react because if I did I would have to take it there! People think that im stupid because I chose to ignore things and act like they don’t happen. They really think that I didn’t see it but in my mind I am thinking..they think im really stupid huh? LOL There are days I do speak up and put people in their place…but I just like peace!
I am a beautiful person inside and thats what I am confident about. I am insecure like many other woman and to be honest..I don’t think that I am Halle Berry level. But others do and I try my best to let them know that im down to earth and NOT ALL THAT! I am an African American light skin woman. I am only 5’0 tall lol And thats what I don’t get! I am such a little person…how do I get so much attention! I just want to meet a good man that ALSO looks good and be happy! Oh I have a 9 year old little girl that means the world to me!! lol I have also been celibate for some years now. Its an example I am setting for my daughter. I am open to date tho don’t get me wrong! LOL They just don’t come up to me (single men) and im old fashion…I don’t approach them. Ok..thanks for listening!
on May 18, 2011 - 1:54 am
It sounds like you’re going to have to be a bit more open to approaching men, Maya. That or carry a big sign that says that you’re single and looking for a good man.
on June 6, 2011 - 2:17 pm
LOL @ the big sign! Hmmm I wonder if they got a T-shirt that says that! LOL Thanks for reading and replying!
Maya
on April 3, 2012 - 7:09 pm
Oh my god, you just described my entire life….
on April 20, 2012 - 11:32 am
Me too =) I was in a relationship through most of my last job and I got along great with everyone. But after consoling me through the break up, the girls( but select awesome few) started hating me. I’d get a lot of inquiries about my sex life, but became excluded from all other conversations and they quit asking me out on girls nights, parties, etc. Also a couple I worked with fought over a joke I made about open relationships (nothing flirty whatsoever). They’d say stuff about me being pretty or skinny but it was always cut throat like, “you need to eat, I can barely see you.” or with a dirty look say, “ugh your so pretty, you bitch.” I felt like I had to censor everything I said and I even quit wearing make up to work ( I usually only wear face and mascara anyway because of acne scarring and I hate my blemishes so that made me feel crappy & ugly too). We used to all share food and one of the girls made a snide remark about not wanting to eat after me, as if I wasn’t even there. It hurt and I had to change my whole life and re examine every friendship I had. I never thought I was exceptional but I know I’m not ugly either. At first I thought it was because I was feeling depressed and my personality changed, but in hindsight I think it was something else. I’ve felt hate bubble up when I feel ugly and see a beautiful woman, especially if I know she’s available. When I’m happy and especially now that I’m with the love of my life I don’t feel jealous of other women. My guy makes me feel wanted and loved. I’m learning so much about myself and loving that too. Guys may stray and the most beautiful woman in the world won’t stop that. It’s sad that women are expected to be beautiful but can’t be too beautiful. Either way women are constantly held accountable for their appearance. It’s very sad, men are measured by money and womens main value, on what seems like a sliding scale, is placed on their looks. Hopefully our daughters (and sons) will learn better.
on May 27, 2011 - 8:37 am
This article i have read over a 100 times!! And each time that i read it, it is testament that there is no shame in being a beautiful woman!
I am both featured on the Hall in the Models section and write too–for the Hall.
And the part of insecure guys. I love it. Greg couldn’t have said it any better. I have come across so many guys saying “You deserve better”, And i agree with them! I deserve a man who is proud to be with me and isnt feeling like a juvenile about the fact that i chose him !
FANTASTIC ARTICLE!!
on July 19, 2011 - 9:17 am
Comment on the ‘crazy’ part.. it will make you nuts. It is very isolating. Jealousy will tear you apart. There is a constant target on your back. It makes you extremely insecure. No female friends (they hate you) no male friends (they just secretly want to score..indeed they will wait years. Until you are at your most vulnerable..try and sleep with you or date you. And when you turn them down guess what. They never gave a shit.) It makes you paranoid. And if you happen to be above average intelligence with a slightly dark and melancholy side you think yourself into a black hole of loneliness. Sorry world..but some of us don’t fit into your neat little box of expectations. When people tell me im beautiful now..I just smile and say beauty is fleeting and we will all be wrinkled sooner or later. When I was younger I would say ‘no im not’. As I got a little older id say ”thanks”. Now I just smile and say ‘that really doesn’t matter.’ Because it doesn’t. I run around with no makeup and dressed in my 11 year old sons clothes. My daughter is a carbon copy of me..and ill take my life experiences and raise her to nuture her education and inner self worth. Unlike me who was raised solely to be a ‘pretty girl’..and nothing more. Thank you for writing this article.. the subject does need some attention. Truly ‘beautiful’ people are walking stigmas. It is just like having a cleft lip..or some other deformity. Men fair better than women. Let’s encourage our little girls to be more secure. Resist the urge to tell them ‘your such a pretty girl’.. compliment them on their manners or intelligence. Don’t be like everyone else and support societies habit of making them only identify with physical appearance. Because when life does bitch slap them upside the head with age.. all they are is an empty ugly shell. No soul,, or no heart. All they ever did was develop their appearance. Thanks for listening.
on April 20, 2012 - 11:49 am
You’re very right, it gets treated like a deformity. It becomes your too this or too that. I got to a point with my male friends where I thought I actually OWED them something. It’s very frustrating never knowing who your friends are. I thought maybe I was misleading them, but I went through extremes to make sure it was platonic (dressing more tomboyish or not wearing make up, talking about farts etc) The worst part is after you reject a “friend’s” sexual advances it NEVER goes away. My bf in highschool decided we should get married and have kids (not what I wanted at all) and became obsessed with the idea. He started stalking me and getting violent yelling at me about how me were meant too be. It was so sad and scary to see one of my closest relationships turn out like this. And I’ve seen that same scary possessive look in other male friends eyes. Girlfriends randomly turn on you, strangers feel like you owe them something. Sometimes I make myself as ugly as I can to avoid attention. Growing up my dads friends would say your so beautiful your going to make some man really happy some day. Puke! I hate hearing I’m beautiful from anyone now, even my old man. Every time I hear it I cringe, I try to hide it but it always gives me anxiety especially if they keep going on. There are times when Ive become mean and jaded and it was because I couldn’t trust anyone and made presumptions about their intentions, I also felt isolated and alone and said to myself fuck it I like being alone.
on April 20, 2012 - 11:50 am
bf from highschool = bestfriend NOT boyfriend sorry lol
on September 6, 2011 - 3:52 am
wow..thank you for writing this…this is my life story.. im a beautiful woman…and cursed…get treated HORRIBLY by everyone…i cant make any female friends…men just try to use me for sex…i cant even get a boyfriend..this is the same spiel i say over and over again. Yes men are insecure but isnt there a way we can even get A boyfriend?? many pretty women can but i can’t….im always alone b/c no one wants to be around me b/c im pretty…im a model but i refuse to go into porn…but it seems beautiful women are tossed in the gutter by everyone because of jealousy…your article is great….but really…what can we do to meet guys? many guys even pick on me laugh at me or make fun of me– they are so insecure they put me down upon meeting me….they try to mask how turned on they are- they even reject me sexually….ive been through hell and i cant even manage to get ONE boyfriend….im well aware of how people treat me….and usually upon meeting anyone its a nightmare or bad treatment or who knows what– extreme things….women despise me and avoid me altogether and men avoid me except for the weirdos who are desperately trying to get in my pants– teh cute good guys run away from me…what can we do….
i too like maya stated– am not jealous of other women….if i see a hot girl im like…wow she’s hot…and i dont get why women are so jealous of me…it makes no sense….approaching men doesnt work because trust me men run away from you– men treat you like a monster or leper…men never approach me they just make fun of me and if i dared approach them they’d shreak shrivel up and run away….theres nothing we can do except go into porn or just be single….
on January 20, 2012 - 1:16 am
Hi Lisa! I am so sorry that you have endured so much pain! I will pray for you lady! Keep your head up and put God first! Things will work out!! Take care!
on September 6, 2011 - 3:58 am
also…my experiences are like many of the women’s here…like maya too im very kind to people and friendly and happy…and i get only negativity from people and nastiness…people look at me like HUH??? what??? with disgusted looks …they treat me as if im a freak or weirdo…ive been called weirdo by guys and people….i once even met a guy online, he was obese…later he began making fun of me through text calling me names saying “I BET u cant even get laid”!!! hahah…making fun of me…putting me down..im thinking…hold on a second…im a beautiful woman and you’re a fat weird guy laughing at me– huh?? I cant get laid?…wtf? but this is all i experience…ive never had a boyfriend…and ive met only sociopaths who want to torture me…ive been told by guys and people “you’re TOO beautiful” hence the reason we can torture and abuse you for fun….and people too saying “youre so beautiful”…oh youre so beautiful…im thinking…err but i cant meet a guy and ive been single all my life and men reject me…so who cares??? or it just gets old….and yes u cant make any friends with women…ever….its impossible…the only female i was friends with years ago was using me to try to get guys at clubs…men yes just want to get sex…that’s it…otherwise they avoid yuo altogether….youre just forced to be a loner and nothing else. And worse…youre down to earth cool nice friendly…so why does everyone hate you and why are they so mean to you? they dont hate famous women…celebrities actresses—they admire them…yet if you arent a celebrity…why do they hate beautiful nice women…it makes no sense
on September 6, 2011 - 4:13 am
also, interactions with people .. are a nightmare…every interaction with a human turns into a game or powerplay or someone trying to put me down, dominate me, pick on me, make me feel stupid…its almost impossible to interact with people at all…humans hate you and will treat you with contempt, anger, aggression hostility etc… socially this makes everything a nightmare as social interactions even the most basic of ones can be very difficult with extreme hostility being displayed by others towards you. People can also be very mean rude or hostile aggressive towards you….and display extreme jealousy or anger…I used to want to write a book about what it was like to be a beautiful woman in this horrible society full of such awful people…who are so shallow insecure jealous and mean…b/c this is my life story and its all outrageous and difficult. Imagine just being picked on by people or treated badly by almost everyone– unable to make friends or get a boyfriend….just outcasted by everyone…well that’s what it’s like for some of us….people trying to control or abuse you…i mean everyone….
just being a loner basically….because no one wants to be around you because they cant handle being around you and if they are…they will either screw you over abuse you or who knows what….its scary and strange…but for some of us– this is our reality– we’re just outcasted for being beautiful and it seems the rest of society isn’t happy with dealing with beautiful women so they try to degrade them in porn…all my coworkers generally hate me and if not they will find ways to screw me over. Even if im working in a place and the people around me arent my co workers they will be talking behind my back, lying about me and trying to get me fired…its just what i deal with…but its hell and just not fair…and meeting guys— yeah right…men hate me more than women do…men are so aggressive mean and hostile towards me…apparently beautiful women are such a huge threat to them and their egos…its impossible to get a boyfriend and u sort of have to ‘take what u can get’ which means….someone u dont like so u refuse to do that and just pass and have to painfully stay single….attractive males hate you b/c u are a huge threat to their ego so they are the meanest to you….and its the lesser attractive males who say “wow i have a shot with HER”?! let me go ALL out and they try very hard…to try to get sex off you…and they keep trying and trying and thinking they’ll get it eventually….and then they fail and move on … but ive realized that as a beautiful woman….to stay far away from all guys, especially the good looking guys– i realize i cant even date or be around a good looking guy as they despise me and show aggression hostility and hatred towards me or wil be very mean to me….the lesser attractive guys are just takign a shot at what they think they have a chacne at– and then there aer guys who try to say they’ll pay u for something…so as a beautiful woman….youre either a loner, a leper or a prostitute and not much else… you will only get degraded and abused by people…and thrown in a gutter because people are jealous and insceure…and they arent happy unless they’ve degraded you to this low status….and that’s about it…sounds like fun right…
on September 6, 2011 - 8:14 am
Thanks for sharing Lisa, I swear I want to give you a long hug because obviously there’s a ton of frustration there. It sounds to me like you’re caught in that loop of negative which comes about when a person is forced to become defensive t survive the world. I see it all the time with beautiful women, the wolves come out and try and get with you so you build up an immediate defense mechanism to deal with them.
Many girls scowl, unconsciously look mean and walk in a defensive “don’t f with me” stance that is meant to keep them away. Women and men both see you from a distance and associate your look with being stuck-up, full of yourself or high and mighty. While in retrospect this makes no sense whatsoever being that people hardly carry on like that for those reasons, people still get violently angry when they see a beautiful woman sneering. IT doesn’t do you any good to use that defensive technique but by now it’s probably unconscious because your body and mind is prepped to deal with bull at every turn.
If you keep it up you will and may have already run off a good guy who was either shy, or lacking a good enough approach to breech your defenses. I am no psychiatrist but finding a way to move past the negativity into a positive, happy state will change your reality in more ways than you think. Sure girls will hate on you with some “why’s she so damn happy? She must think she’s got the world on a string” but your attitude should be “f— em, I’m doing me”. Us guys are attracted to happiness and positivity in a woman, it’s a magnet that we can barely resist. If you are beaming and beautiful even a shy good guy will not be able to help bumbling over to you and telling you how wonderful you look.
Long story short you may be your own worst enemy and not know it. F the haters, F the users, don’t let them control your life. Believe it or not you have a step up on most of them just by being someone they overly admire, want to sleep with or hate for looking better than them. Use it as your weapon, turn the curse around and be happy regardless and I guarantee you that your life will improve. There are some guys out there that are as tired of the games and power movements as much as you are. You will need to wade through sh-t to find gold, but don’t turn us all away on a whim. Good luck Lisa.
on April 17, 2012 - 12:53 pm
Wow, I could have written this myself. I am an incredibly kind generous smiling friendly person with a good heart. When I was younger, I was an ugly duckling and the more and more attractive I become the more complicated life gets.
I’ve devoted my life to study and science, yet I find people laughing behind my back calling me vapid, or a stupid blonde, or an idiot. My main hobby is reading. I’m an introvert and while I love talking with people, making female friends is impossible. I’m not even thin, I was just blessed with a beautiful face.
Even living with roommates was terrible. The gf’s would get jealous so the bfs would have to treat me like shit to compensate. Hideous society we live in.
Try complaining for being beautiful, people insist you must love the attention. If you dress up at all, people say all you do is try and get attention or your a slut. How about enjoying make-up as art? Or feeling good about yourself?
Men will stay friends patiently for years, and after they win the chase when youre vulnerable it’s a disaster.
Boyfriends have incredible insecurity and will hate themselves for not measuring up, or feel like people are staring and wondering why that girl is with them.
It’s what’s inside that counts!!!! When I see a pretty girl, I think wow she’s beautiful and I admire her. I seems I get nothing but detain!!! And female stalkers of male friends gf’s can last for years.
Being beautiful is overwhelming.
Then, people attack you when you dress down. Oh, you look so DIFFERENT!!! No, im a human without makeup on. Get a grip. Or, you don’t look like your pictures, uh, what model does? It’s me in the photos, they aren’t photoshopped. Why do you feel the need to tear me down at every opportunity people. It’s unreal.
on September 6, 2011 - 3:12 pm
thanks for the response greg dragon! ive never met anyone who has so much insight on this its really cool…yes ive been told by peopel or even by my very abusive monster ex…(who was a sadist and cruel to me and refused sex with me and long story)… that i dont ‘use what i have or use my package’ and I shud dress up and look nice and other things…and ive thought about that too and thought “well i have something over them and shud use that power” but I really dont know how to…its kind of awful because…im not the kind of person who is stuck up or think im better than others….or even like to get those responses…I find it traumatic and difficult to deal with and confusing…im a caring loving person and want to give and be happy and spread happiness (as cheesy as it sounds)….and receiving only extreme negativity from people has been like a hell i cant describe…having no friends…no life and only guys trying to get sex off you…im sure there are guys out there but even those guys it seems end up either a. rejecting me or treating me badly b. trying to get sex off me….its something i noticed about all of them…. those extreme few with the ‘balls’ to try to ask me out do so in a rush and then even if i say yes they reject me still even after ‘they’ asked me out…kind of like…they were expecting rejection…. yes ur so right about the ‘sneering’ though im still very friendly….i smile and try to be nice to people but years ago found out how that worked out…..im more standoffish and sneery but that’s after people have already been mean or weird to me then i try to give them dirty looks….other than that, i work in sales….so im customer service oriented and nice to people….i also dont get it because ive worked with other pretty girls or aroudn them and instead of them getting bad treatment– they got hit on– me…if i get hit on at my job..its some guy doing something very bizarre, weird treatment then telling me taht he knows everything about me and my ex (huh)?? that he maybe read off the internet then accusing me of being bipolar…. wow wtf….or some guy stopping by my table, then texting me saying something odd and me thinking….how the hell did he get my number…wtf?? only weird strange things happen to me…and my ex—a 58 year old sociopath…who got off on controlling and mentally torturing me—treating me like a long distance puppet/slave, refused sex with me ever and im a virgin…. it seems i meet only guys who want to ‘use me for sex like a prostitute’ or those who refuse sex with me and reject/deprive me and only want to mentally torment/control me…. another thing ive learned as a pretty woman is MANY people just want to control you…its very odd— and makes no sense…why just control you…’handle you i guess and p-ut you in a bubble so they can handle you” this goes for men, women, family, strangers—i cant get into the horrific things my family has done to me–its not just my being pretty…itsprobably very bad luck too or b/c im pretty how i get treated by everyone…..ive learned that being friendly doesnt help b/c people are still so overwhelmed even males–nothing works?? theyre just gasping and takign deep breaths…. argh….thanks for the advice though….i think or feel im doomed….it took 12-13 years of this treatment to finalyl come to this conclusion….but being a 33 year old virgin who is supposedly ‘drop dead gorgeous’ and just getting abused by any human i encounter is like beyond hell…
on September 6, 2011 - 5:03 pm
Lisa,
I dunno. There is some massive disconnect with how you view yourself and how everyone else views you. If you were truly as friendly, cool, and pleasant as you say, you would not have these problems. Furthermore, and I’m not trying to hate, no one likes a whiner. I know this because I’m something of a whiner myself.
Women often fail to understand that they have the power to determine the next time they will be having sex. Even if you’re not that attractive, you can walk into a bar and just pick the nearest single guy. Trust me, if you are half as good looking as you say, the first guy you roll up on will be more than happy about it.
Now, I’m talking about sex for a reason. From your ramblings, you seem to be a little bit more reserved than most people. But your still a virgin. I think that THAT is causing you more problems than anything else. Because you are a virgin, you are far more susceptible to mental abuse because you just don’t know any better. Get it out of your system. Roll with the one-night stand and be done with it.
Also, like GD says…F the haters. A fat dude making fun of you? Who cares? Look at the source!
on September 6, 2011 - 10:18 pm
hmm mcthick…well no thats not the case at all….as its being stated here…beautiful women get mistreated for their looks out of jealosuy….so there isnt a misperception of me or how or who I am…most people label be as ‘quiet nice shy”….and its just a label they tend to give me b/c of my presence, persona…most people obviously have already labeled and understand me to be ‘nice and quiet’…and most of the tiem im too nice hence the reason people take advantage of me, or any nice person. I am also friendly and cool but just get shot down by people because again for the same reasons….those who are “beautiful” will get mistreated and shot down and thrown in the gutter for what they possess. We’re mistreated and that’s teh entire point of the post….so your comments don’t make any sense….if a beautiful nice woman tries to be nice, she is shot down just because people are jealous of her—that’s what jealousy does….it makes people hostile and aggressive to you….so what youre stating is a complete contradiction from what is being understood in these posts…beautiful women are mistreated for their looks…so even if they are super nice no one cares and will continue mistreating them…. as for losing virginity in a one night stand….thats not a good or smart thing to say to someone…being a virgin is holding me back in a mental sense but that’s about it because my ex tormented me and refused sex with me– so he turned my virginity into a nightmare and a joke….otherwise it wouldn’t be that bad… also from my ‘ramblings’ …. you cant comprehend who or what I am nor am i ‘reserved’….unfortunately i happen to be a virgin due to my circumstances but i know plenty of virgins who are 35 and up…and pretty females who are very intelligent professionals…granted they are single women looking to get married they have NEVER had a boyfriend….they dont go out and date but still…they are virgins at 35….teh problem for many of us women out there….are is that society is just full of a lot of crap and if you arent lucky enough to have the fortunate experience of meeting someone….and you also have bad luck and things going against you– there is little you can do…. ive searched and searched and gotten nothing and nowhere…..there is nothing i can do about it…ive been searching for 13 years….i guess i’ll just have to wait….as searching hoping and being active in searching doesnt do much unfortunately….
on April 20, 2012 - 7:08 pm
There was a time when parents protected their daughters until they were married off and I am sure if the daughter was beautiful, they protected her more and made sure her future husband was a good man and would be good to her. Nowadays, women are thrown out to the wolves to fend for themselves and many times without the skills needed to deflect the sharks and their advances because heave forbid a woman “knows” she is beautiful. THat’s a freakin sin… she is conceited or vain if she knows her worth or that she is pretty. Society sets beautiful women to be unsuccessful, by either making then selfish bitches or spineless victims. I refuse to be neither
on September 7, 2011 - 12:30 am
ive also been on many dates–one day i asked a guy who i had spoken to ont he phone prior to our meeting…what he thought of me and the date—he said….i was amazing, and caring and that i would make an amazing wife and the guy that gets with me would be lucky….he really didn’t respond much after that, and then didn’t talk to me again– despite me showing interest after him making those comments….he also almost said it in such a way that he was saying it about anther guy and not himself..as if he just wasnt going to get me…for whatever reason…. this happens to women in general sometiems but in my case what ive noticed a lot…..guys just dont go after you or are interested in you unless they ‘want something’ or want to use you… a lot of males out there these days are also warped messed up or have been used by someone and are looking to use or control other women…. and no there is nothign wrong with people who can’t seem to meet a guy or are having issues with that– in most cases there are lots of amazing beautiful wonderful people out there who get mistreated or rejected by males or others– most of the time its the other person….the guy or whoever has issues, is isnecure, doesnt want to commit or who knows…
on September 7, 2011 - 9:44 am
Lisa,
Seems I need to be a little more direct with you:
1) You cannot have never had a boyfriend AND have an ‘ex’ who abused you
2) Study after study after study has shown that attractive people get better jobs, better treatment, and enjoy life more than ugly or even average people.
3) I don’t know a single guy who is ‘jealous’ if a girl looks good. That doesn’t even make sense.
4) Your advanced ‘victim’ complex is all about you. You are so convinced of your own importance that all the troubles of the world are yours alone to bear. Step back, you’re not that important.
5) To quote Tom Petty, “Baby, if you can’t change the world, maybe you should just change yourself.” Let me be clear, this is not intended as a dig, but rather an admonition to quitcherbitchin and do something about the problem.
As someone who has long dwelled in the ‘average’ camp, I gotta say that I don’t have a lot of empathy for your whining. You’re HOT for crying out loud! You have annoyed me with your continuous woe-be-to-me ramblings, and I have never laid eyes on you. What does that tell you? It’s not my jealousy over your looks that is driving me away…it’s you and your attitude.
on September 8, 2011 - 6:09 am
mcthick—he wasn’t an ex…he was a SP who tortured me mentally and refused to be around me or have sex with me– i just call him an ex–regardless…who cares…stop trying to nitpick everything i say then state things just because….if you are not a beautiful woman who has to deal with these issues then u don’t know what ur talking about..and there are diff types of beautiful women too– and levels….it varies depending on race/status/type etc….when it comes to mistreatment and everyone’s situation is different…
no friends…no one will hang around you or be around you if anyone is around you– they are either putting you down or insulting you in some way
women hate you.. and refuse to be your friend…men hate you more and treat you with contempt/hatred you cant even get sexual pleasure if you wanted to– men REFUSE to please you… men will reject you sexually….and run off to the first ugly/fat woman and do everything to her that he refused to do to you….
men treat you like a leper or weirdo…they refuse to treat you like a woman…in every aspect possible… i cant get sex, sexual pleasure–nothing…this is not an exaggeration….men if using me for sex will do things to injure or hurt me…rather than ‘pleasure me’….they will only do things to harm you…or be cruel or mean to you—or have power plays/powertrips…this doesn’t go for every beautiful woman but for me yes. If i ask a guy if he can make me ‘cum’ multiple times he will refuse…and do it once then instantly ask for gratification in return or while trying to do that to me, will hurt me mess with my head..or do something awful to me… this has gone for every encounter ive had with a male a long with many many other things yet you are a goddess with a beautiful body—and all males want to do is hurt degrade or destroy you everything with you becomes a power play, a game…an ego game…whereas men will play these games with you and treat you in a very low degrading way, they will do to other women 50 times what they refused to do to you—you are treated lower than anything possible people will ignore you, refuse to talk to you….treat you with contempt and hatred..i used to say that criminals and pedophiles got treated better than i did… almost all males do is dominate abuse or control you–and NOTHING else…its only extreme situations bizarre circumstances….nothing else….if they cant control abuse or dominate/degrade you—they’re out the door or will stop talking to you…. not only males but others just want to control/abuse/dominate you and take your power
away and will even say u are powerful and try to throw you in the gutter…men will even say “you have power over men”!1 while they are running away from you or rejecting you men, get off on rejecting you and get ego trips off it—they would prefer to reject you sexually or in other ways rather than be with you….they also act in very cruel ways towards you… you are treated lower than a leper…or like a leper…people treat you like an alien…as if you are weird, a freak show…they stare at you give dirty looks, yell at you….put you down insult you….run away from you….you cant be in the presence of humans without being
screwed over, put down insulted etc…
if you start a job you WILL get screwed over or if you are in the presence of humans
they will screw u over or do something bad to you—always….if you go places, people will start talking crap about you, bad mouth you…etc….even
follow you around yell at you, act crazy or even throw things at you….ive had people throw receipts at me, food at me…in various situations…people become hostile/aggressive towards you….and show it without a care and go to huge lengths to be mean or cruel to you….you’re a loner with NO ONE because NO ONE will be around you….those who are around you are either tormenting you, torturing you, destroying your life, screwing you over, putting you down degrading you…etc…. people treat you like an animal and as if you have no mind no soul….they feel they can do cruel things to you and act as if you are just an object—you are treated ONLY as an object by almost EVERYONE and no one cares how it makes you feel your presence makes people feel like crap so they do everything to bring you down treat u like dirt…etc….its a crappy horrid reality….some of ours anyway– no friends, no life, no fun…no sex no relationships…people act as if u don’t deserve to have those things….adn as long as they can control it will make sure to not let you have it….if you are even hanging out with them or in their presence…. we’re forced to be virgins, unable to meet men… everyone acts TERRIFIED of you….or scared of you…or again if they are around you
its only to GET something off you—whether it be sex, control, abuse etc…. this is a very abstract explanation of this but i wanted to write it in a more concise way but maybe next time….
on September 8, 2011 - 6:16 am
i cant even descrieb the things ive been through– the stories, the hell…the shock of it all….taht as a beautiful woman….some of us cant even get sex literally….we just get USED…and ABUSED….that means even sexual encounters result in a sick male wanting to try to USE you for HIS gratification while giving you NO pleasure…head games, power games, power trips, rejection…refusal…confusion horror frustration…… a man would rather REJECT me, refuse me…sexually….then run off and try desperately to get laid with the first breathing thing that crosses his path after he just rejected an extremely hot woman….he would rather mind f*** me than be with me sexually….he can sit there turned on…holding BACK his desires…jsut to be able to reject me….
he will refuse to do MANY things to me sexually… if i ask him, and turn it all into some bizarre sick game…of “i’ll do this to you IF you do this to me FIRST”….. yet if some breathing creature walked by he’d do that to HER 50 times without question….while he rejected you, refused you scrweed with your head… mind f*ed you, left you frustrated horny….this doesnt go for—ONE or two guys–it goes for…MANY….. its shocking and disturbing to find out….the extreme nature of what happens in some situations….but i know first hand and for me its shocking….
being a very beautiful woman—-men will REFUSE to get with you sexually, please you…and only have an interest in rejecting controlling mentally screwing with you, leaving you frustrated, horny and that’s it…or playing the sickest most bizarre head games with you …. so even as a beautiful woman….some of us can’t even get sexual PLEASURE if we wanted to literally…. because men will not give it to us….they won’t….while they wiill give it to ANY other FEMALE or CREATURE in a heartbeat but with you…it becoems a horror game of nightmares and confusion…. and the male will simply walk off…thrilled that he just put u through that hell….rather than have been with you or had a good tiem with you….. he will then go to ANY woman—whether shes fat/ugly weird…im sure a transvestite…ANYONE and never play those games with them and do to them what they REFUSED to do with you….
males will NOT give u sexual pleasure…they get off on torturing tormenting messing with…rejectnig abusing and DEGRADING some beautiful women….. rather than having even ANY encounter with them sexually….
on September 8, 2011 - 6:31 am
for instance if you asked a male to make u c** many times….instead of doing that…he will do something to make sure you are in pain rather than pleasure….he will do many things to scrwe with you, put u through hell….rather than pleasure you multiple times…in the end you end up in pain…rather than pleasured…yet he will run off to any female and do to her what he didnt do to you….in a heartbeat with no question…it becomes sometimes u understand….they dont treat me the way they treat otehr women….and in end i dont even get sexual pleasure….then they belittle and degrade you….after treating you in such a bizarre and cruel or mean way….after rejecting you messing with your head…or you are treated like a prostitute…as if its your job or duty…to give sex and you are ONLY a sex object and nothing else…but a sex object for them to USE for themselves…and give u nothing in return except screwing with you or your head…..and one comment they make is “ive never met a woman like you before”…. its a common thing some will say…. you are treated not only as an outcast in life….but in EVERy aspect possible even sexually….really its…youre so beautiful im not sure how to deal with all of this so i’ll put u down and treat u lower than a female….so u cant make friends, get a social life…u cant be around people.. u cant do anything ….then when it comes to even sex…u cant get a boyfriend….u cant meet a guy….u cant even get sexual pleasure or sexual fun if you want to….you are scrutinized, judged tortured on every level possible…..youre basically f**ked….you cant hide from this mistreatment….then u not only become paranoid, justifiably so…every experience justifies that paranoia….so it just grows and evolves…into a learned understanding…helplessness…fear….but no experience quells that fear as every experience continues to be the same….and the same….so you come to understand your position in life….as a nobody and nothing…someone who will never be treated as equal or even human it seems…..you will always be put down, degraded , treated as lower by ANY human you encounter—and there is really nothing you can do about it….except accept the shock of it all…when you come to the realization that as a very beautiful woman….you cant even get sex….when you are the emblem of ‘sex’… you ooze sexuality—you would be any man’s dream….yet almost every male you encounter REFUSES to treat you like a woman refuses to even please you….and only wants to use you abuse you, belittle control you or screw with your head….then a serious baffling stage sets in….an enigma that is so bizarre and odd….that it takes years to finally grasp….
on September 8, 2011 - 9:52 am
I’m not even going to attempt to read all that. Until you get out of your own head, your life will continue to suck. You have the tools to improve things for yourself, it’s just easier to feel sorry about it and whine. I will, however, call BS about having normal, single guys outright refuse to have sex with you. Even the assholes you seem to gravitate to are more than capable of bedding a girl and then slipping out before she wakes up the next day. Even moderately attractive women have success in this area.
A person cannot learn to be beautiful, either you are or you aren’t. A person CAN learn to adjust their attitude. You’re halfway to a winning combination and lucky you, you already have the inborn part. Unlucky you, you have to do the learning, which is hard.
on September 22, 2011 - 10:36 pm
no mcthick youre mistaken….if people have made up their mind to be intimidated scared feel uncomfrotable by you or be jealous of you– there is little you can do about it—plus, it is not my duty in life to go around having to cater to people who dislike me– im a VERY friendly kind aware person….i hate bullies and mean people, i go out of my way to be nice to people, and be friendly and i am consistently put down and shut down because of JEALOUSY….i have experienced this mess for over 12 years now…..it is NOTHING IM DOING…there is nothing wrong with my ATTITUDE b/c others are JEALOUS of me and instantly DISLIKE ME—everyone else has the ATTITUDE, not ME….for being BEAUTIFUL i am judged left and right, automatically discarded, talked badly about, lied about slandered, put down, rejected degraded….again NO THAT IS NOT MY FAULT NOR IS IT MY PERCEPTION OF HOW OTHERS TREAT ME….mi not sure what kind of life you’ve had but if u had no friends and everyone put you down anywhere you go life would be very tough….walk in those shoes for a day and then speak if you can….im sure you have friends or peopple who are nice to you….in my case i have NO ONE and most humans do not like me….every fat/mean/ugly rude female is KIND and has a great personality just b/c shes UGLY and im a ‘b&tch just b/c im beautiful” and its not fair or right… and u unfortunately cant understand the mentality of extremely jealous people– jealous people are HOSTILE angry people….they will do anything they can to get rid of gtthe object of the ENVY—and that’s what people do when they encounter a BEAUTIFUL woman who they are jealous of….that si not a fun situation to be a part of—its hard and difficult….to be shunned by jealous people everywhere and put down in just about ANY AND EVERY GIVEN SITUATION—to be the ‘weakling’ black sheep etc…outcast… if you are a beautiful woman who is exceptional who stands out amongst a society full of mostlg ugly jealous bitter people—this is what u have to encounter….
on September 22, 2011 - 10:40 pm
as a beautiful woman.. i acnt even get sex if i wanted to, cannot get a boyfriend, cant make friends….im a loner and outcasted by EVERYONE or almost anyone i meet or encounter….yet bertha the 300 lb b*tch with a very bad attitude…can manage to get several boyfriends…anyone can except women like ME who are treated this way…..we’re put down for existing…treated badly, talked badly about….everything that revolves around us is negativity and jealousy…..im NOT a tall arrogant stuck up anything….im very kind down to earth and nice…and caring and giving…and people just HATE me….women despise me with a passion and men do as well—everyone treats you liek an animal….an alien, a weirdo or a freak…..men REJECT you sexually—no not every guy but MANY the ones who want sex with you are the ones trying to USE yuo for an encounter to BOOST their stupid egos….thats it….youre either a prostitute, a conquest, or a freak or weirdo….you are not ‘girlfriend’ material…..though you are the PERFECT girlfriend….every thief, drug addict, any female…cheater liar psycho is GF material but not you, loyal monogamous virgin…..its a sad reality but you cant get anything in life….others are so jealous of you they make sure u cant make it in anything you d o—most ppl are trying to stop you crom successding or bring you down…and mcthick if you dont have the audaticy to read what i write then dont comment or reply!! or even attempt to!
on September 22, 2011 - 10:49 pm
the person who stated that beautiful women is a stigma—yes for sure….i always said that benig a beautiful woman u get treated the same as a leper….i get shunned outcasted, picked on, people have thrown things at me, yelled at me gone crazy insulted me….im treated the same way a leper would be treated exactly….people refuse to even talk to you in many situations and there was a time that socially—anywhere i went everyone would go out of their way to IGNORE me, not give me a voice—not allow me to speak….and just shun me—it was hell confusing and a nightmare…i used to cry and be confused…and that’s what they want to do– break you and keep breaking you….ive been treated so badly its shocking….by people everywhere….i used to say criminals arent treated as badly as im treated—most ppl who encounter me do not care to help me or secretly their intent wil be to do something cruel to me– so u cant trust anyone– and yes u become paranoid but justifiably so—b/c ppl aer very jealous of you and will do anything to do bad to you– after 12 years you finally get it…and u cant help but to be paranoid/raelistic….its not paranoia its reality….if you arent paranoid smoeone will do something awful to you but being aware you can prevent it just by knowing and stopping it with bvehavior and knowledge….its a learned conditioning that occurs after many years of bullying abuse and the same treatement by people and bad treatment… what shocks me is that after 33 years—unable to meeet a guy, men arent interested in me….very straneg and odd….unable to live life….b/c this society is full of jealous bitter sick people who hate those who a possess something they cant handle
on September 22, 2011 - 10:58 pm
i used to be a very confident person…could speak great….very articulate…extremely sociable and great at socializing, i can be friends with anyone, i like everyone.. i really love people….but every time i encounter a human—its a battle of power, its a nightmare….its the other person…insulting me putting me down, giving me dirty looks, rolling their eyes, chastizing, criticzing me…telling me they cant hear me….saying im soft spoken, making me repeat myself many times as if i can’t speak…telling me im shy/introverted… oh well u seem ‘SHY” introverted—and the people who say this to me ARE the shy/introverted people—people also constantly projecting who THEY are onto me– it has turned me into a shell of a mess…..i can’t speak confidently anymore as im asked to repeat myself numerous times….im alawys told im introverted—-even though thats not you, it slowly becomes you…..being called names, weirdo, this that….youre too this, youre not enough that—its so bizarre and horrendous.. no one will be friends with you or even talk to you like an equal so youre unable to make ANY friends which is against your friendly nature…..so a very intelligent beautiful confident woman….now is labeled and thrown into a label box of “shy introverted, weird, scared not confident” by jealosu people who have done EVERYTHING to bring her down… if i attemp to be part of a group of people and interact—im NEVER treated as an equal—ALWAYS put down always treateda s if im not good enough… and ALWAYS will be treated in a condescending way….so then u fear encountering these interactions b/c you will NEVER be perceived as an equal by ANY human period….no matter WHAT you do and its a sad thing….very awful and those jealous people will do EVERYHTING to shun/outcast you argue put you down try to start a fight with you….not let you be who you are….and take away your voice confidence, everything that is YOU…..you are now the ‘shy quiet, introvert who can’t speak and who no one can hear” b/c you are so beautiful….so powerful they cant handle it and have to go to THESE lengths to destroy your very being—-this is what I d go through every MOMENT of my life and every INTERACTION with one of those damned pathetic evil human sick beings…
on January 2, 2012 - 8:54 am
Lisa I I have to agree with mcThick there….you are shunning the whole world because you seem to believe that every person hates you because of your beauty…Beauty is not everything…it has its perks and disadvantages…it’s how you choose to deal with both that ultimately decides how meaningful you choose to make your life….
Live and let live….This world is filled with so many beautiful people both inside and outside…You just have to open your eyes and really look around!
All the best:)
on April 20, 2012 - 7:11 pm
I wish I could agree with you on this, but when you are beautiful, the game AND the rules are different. It’s like the rich! You have to live, think and be a certain way to stay intact. Otherwise, the mediocre will shit all over you and ruin you until you are just like them…… PERIOD
on September 26, 2011 - 8:25 am
You know what Lisa, you’re right.
The whole universe has decided that you, and you alone, need to be singled out for a special dose of mistreatment. It IS impossible for you to find companionship in any form because the whole planet has decided to hate you. Furthermore, everyone on the planet spends most of their day thinking of ways to be mean to you and to bully you because, hey, you’re THAT important in the grand scheme of things.
Also, you are SO special, that the universe has ordained that you, and again, you alone, will be treated differently than every other attractive person on the planet. In fact, YOU will be treated as an ugly person with an ugly soul and an ugly personality. Not because you have any of these things, but because you DON’T have these things.
You actually boiled your own problem down to single sentence:
See…that right there is the attitude of a bitchy girl. If you’re so lonely and alone, then it damn well IS your job to make people like you. As I quoted before, if you cannot change the world, maybe you should just change yourself. The continuous litany of bad things that you write about in stream of consciousness mode is not helping your cause at all. You tell the story so many times that you don’t even notice the inconsistencies and logical flaws anymore. Try telling yourself a different story.
And, once again, I’m going to point out that I don’t like you because you’re a whiny and unwilling to make any change that might help you. I don’t like you because you’re essentially giving the world the finger and then bitching about it when dudes don’t throw themselves at your feet. I do NOT no like you because you’re a nice, pretty girl that hates bullies. I do not like you because you’re so self-centered you see everyone else on the planet as your personal enemy, trying to tear you down because we’re all SO jealous.
Please.
Grow up.
Life is what you make it.
on October 27, 2011 - 3:57 am
Post 1:
Hi The Dragon,
Thanks for the well-written article! I agree with most of your points!!! I just want to share my point of view as a beautiful woman as well!
Whenever I hear people say, “beauty is a curse,” I would tell myself with certainty that, if I had to choose again, I’d still be pretty and be cursed.
Here I only want to share my personal experience and I don’t speak for all beautiful women.
Most men would think I’m hot and sexy because of a combination of my face, body, confidence and personality. I’ve always enjoyed the attention and benifits of being a beautiful woman–being treated nicely/with privileges, offered with help, gifts, dinners, drinks, and so on. People remember and notice me more and it seems that things get my ways mostly. When I was little I thought people were nice to me because I was nice and friendly to them, and I had a sweet smile. But I’m an adult now and as my hotness increases, the nice treatments also increase. Often I think, wow, thanks God for being so sweet and making me a cutie! However, I also noticed and want to point out a few downsides of being a beautiful woman, which you already pointed out here in this article!
In terms of friendship, I must say that I have had girl friends who love me but at the same time they are jealous to death. They would find ways to attack me out of the blue, in the presense of men. One example: a girl friend who was a few years younger than me said to this hot guy who offered us drinks at a club, “oh ask Nicole, she is the older one here (exaggerated the OLDER). She is 24 and I’m only 21!” At that point I thought to myself, “wtf, men don’t care about the age if the girl is hot!” And this guy later told me that my friend was a bitch, which I thought she was. (People tell me Latin women are very jealous.) I have many more examples but you get the point! It happens to me many times with girls, that when at a party or social meeting, if I have more attention than them, then they would NOT like it and their faces would turn GREEN (aka the jealous color lol). One thing contraditing is that I do feel love from them. I just also feel the intense jealousy. The men here told me the reason for that is LA is a place for pretty people and attention so most women are in a competitive mode. Oh well!
Continue on the next post…
on October 27, 2011 - 4:10 am
Post 2:
In terms of romance, I’d say sometimes it does get difficult. Unless the man is really secure about himself, otherwise, it is not likely to work out. More often than not, I could tell that men treat me differently. The boys in college are even worse! A lot of them are shy, awkward, and get tensed up whenever I’m present, even though I’m a really fun, easy-going person. The fact that I am well-maintenance might also contribute to this fact (nice clothes with nicely done nails, hair, etc) Once we start dating, perhaps they play more games, pretend that they don’t care, try to get me jealous, won’t get too serious… just to name a few. I’ve been single for almost a year and whenever I tell men that, they tell me I’m lying. They would tell me I could have any man I want. I guess being able to have my picks and do get with them are two different things! They already assume that I’m taken. Hmmm, assumption assumption!
Anything can be good and bad, depending on how you look at it. But at the end of the day, we can’t change how other people think and I’m not here to complain because I am already so lucky to have something that everyone wants and adores.
Although beauty could be a curse, I’m still very grateful that I’m blessed with my looks. But of course, the one thing I really like about myself is my brain and my beauty won’t last forever. And someday someone will be sweet and confident enough to find out!
p.s. Sorry for the typo, if there is any. My spell-check doesn’t work!
Thanks for reading and good luck!
on October 27, 2011 - 8:21 am
Nicole, you sound like a real Lady Dragon. It’s good to hear the perspective of another woman that is beautiful, comfortable with being beautiful yet cogniscent of the world’s view of her. So you’re from the Bay? No doubt there are many lovelies there trying to break into Hollywood and otherwise, I feel your pain with the jealousy, it’s real for women all over the country. Thanks for sharing your story… sometimes curses aren’t all bad I suppose.
on February 27, 2012 - 7:00 am
Hey Greg,
How did you know I was from the Bay? Did I give it away? hehe
Yes women are complicated beings! But little do they know I like and appreciate them a lot! I see true beauty in women and love spoiling them as we become friends! I’m much nicer to women than are men, and than I’m to men! lol!
At the end of the day, God has his plans! He creates beauty in all of us and I’m just grateful about things that I’m given and believe that he spoils me, and of course, you too!!!
Can’t wait to read more of your blogs!! Till then, have fun and good luck in everything you do!
Cheers!
on January 2, 2012 - 8:36 am
Your thoughts goes to show that you truly are a beautiful women inside and outside Nicole! I love your attitude girl! keep rocking!:)
on February 27, 2012 - 7:03 am
Hey Ann,
Sorry I just saw your reply! Thanks for the compliments!!! I hope things are well for you and I’m sure you’re a beautiful, classy lady yourself! xo
-Nicole
on November 1, 2011 - 4:03 pm
Hi ..I too suffer from the beautiful woman’s curse I suppose I’m done feeling sad guilt alone and being a victim to others insecurities so I stumbled across this and and happy to see I am not the only one with the same awful situation…..good news is we’re not alone some of us are here this may be a lil childish lol but let’s be friends
I’m 25 with 3 kids and I feel like I’m not in a sence to be confident or sweet because I get labeled as a biatch or an ugly person inside ..a snob …shy ect…. So LADIES please feel free to stand up for yourself and what you are and no ppl don’t have to like it and do not cater !!! To ppl that need an ego boots and are trying to get it by putting you down that does not make you an ugly person that makes you a grown woman with a voice and the right to defend yourself 
and for the cocky pretty woman stop ruining it for the good ones pllz its not cute and thank u everyone for posting I have a new found in my what was it …..self centered attitude that the world revolves around me lmao ( please note this is also known as confidence) I now feel sorry for ppl shallow enough to miss out on who I am bc o how I look …your loss,and to that I might even start wearing earings again lol
on November 7, 2011 - 9:46 am
I’m really not trying for this to come off as rude…but all the so-called “beautiful” women posting here who are so cursed make me laugh.First of all,alot of people who think they are so beautiful,usually aren’t.The simple fact that you come on here saying how beautiful you are shows conceit,and lots of people find that quality unattractive.Maybe it is your blatant conceit for yourselves that is turning people off? Confidence is one thing,thinking the world revolves around you and your looks is another.
I’m just sayin…
on January 20, 2012 - 1:09 am
Nah…cuz as I stated a few months ago..”I always tell myself that I am an ok looking woman but I have people tell me that I am beautiful ALL of the time. My one good friend says that Im on Halle’s level of beauty and I don’t know it and this is what makes me even more beautiful.” So, no conceit here.
on November 8, 2011 - 2:29 am
I agree that being beautiful is a curse. Unless youve lived it ..you wouldn’t understand it ….Lisa you are not alone and you are not whiny. I found your posts to really hit home. A lot of women wouldn’t have the courage to talk so openly especially over the internet where criticism can come out of the wood work which is the last thing any of us needs. I was sitting here crying because I have been told those same things oh youre so beautiful, you can get any man you want etc etc and men have flown all types of insecurities at me. Men have even told me they are mean to me because im pretty. Contradictory to that is that I have real low self esteem after feeling like me being nice, pretty and a genuinely good person has resulted in the worse treatments. The fact that I am always single …it hurts. The fact that I just want people to appreciate my personality and stop focusing so much on what I look like. I just want a guy that wants me for me instead of to try to have sex with me or to treat me like crap so they can get a kick out of it or boost their ego. There are plenty of books that verify this assessment as to the beautiful woman curse. The art of seduction book talks about this very same concept and breaks it down. It says to seduce a beautiful girl just get to know her on the inside…crazy. I think the ones on here can reach out to each other and maybe develop friendships with each other since we are having difficult times with that as well. ((hugs)) to all the pretty lonely girls out there.
on April 20, 2012 - 6:41 pm
I’ve cried a lot reading these posts too! I love the idea of using this to reach out because I’ve never been able to express these feeling before and it has been a huge relief. Thank you for all the women who are opening up and being honest about these feelings and problems. They do exist. They hurt and we don’t have to feel guilty for feeling this way. Or feel guilty for feeling guilty. Thats BS and Im sick of feeling guilty for how I look and about how I feel about how I look.
on November 8, 2011 - 8:34 am
A truly beautiful person usually doesn’t see how beautiful they really are and doesn’t go on and on about themselves either.
Some of the most beautiful women I have known have been ugly on the inside and therefore,not attractive.
I agree with the other poster who said quit whining about it.Be happy you are beautiful,but do not let it define who you are.
I’m glad I’m just cute
on April 20, 2012 - 12:58 pm
Sorry Julia, not quite true. =) I think a truly beautiful person absolutely can see themselves as beautiful. I know I am beautiful and so do the people who care about me. I do good things, I’m generous, considerate, I’ve dedicated my life to helping others. I also know that I am physically attractive and I it would be a lie if I said I wasn’t. Also, it would insult to my parents who raised me to be confident, honest and to believe I am beautiful and of worth. I would never in a million years say that out loud to someone, I am beautiful, but it’s true. I don’t constantly dwell on my looks, the content of the article just happens to be in regards to that. And it is a relief to whine about (lol as you can see from my many posts) because I have never seen a place to vent about it. EVER. I don’t even address it with my counselor ( Im a little crazy lol) because I’m worried that I’ll hurt her feelings. It does cause problems and it would be ignorant to think that my life is not affected by my outward appearance, as in our society everyone is held accountable for their looks. Addressing this issue is great and sharing these experiences doesn’t make you vain or self centered, it just means you can relate. And this has felt AWESOME!!
on January 2, 2012 - 5:23 am
Hi there! I completely agree with Julia, when she says that a truly beautiful person usually doesn’t focus on how beautiful they really are, and go on and on about themselves.
And yes, I have been given compliments about my looks by many.
And I would be lying if I denied the fact that I have faced a few difficulties as outlined here, by some of the writers.
But I cannot be arrogant about my looks, nor judge another person based on their looks. Because we are all unique and beautiful in our own special way. Our appearance is just one very minor part of who we truly are.Instead, I firmly believe that it is very important to look into our inner souls and see the unique beautiful inner qualities we posses.
That doe not mean I don’t take care of my looks…I do. But that is mostly because I want to be healthy, happy and feel good about myself. But I also know that a person’s appearance cannot possibly define who we are, and so I do not think that the whole world revolves around my looks. I am just one of many unique human beings inhabiting this earth, with so much more to give to this world, rather than making my world revolve around my looks.
One thing I always do when with a room full of strangers, is to always make it a point to give a heart felt and friendly (not suggestive) smile to any person I come in contact with. Some people may think me weird for smiling at them, when they are a complete stranger to you, but more often than not, people genuinely smile back at me and we both feel better instantly. I truly believe in the power of staying positive, and making a positive connection.
It’s all about being kind, compassionate and understanding and trying to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, to see why they are feeling the way they are feeling….. If they choose to reject us then so be it…let them free and let ourselves free…life is too short and beautiful, to keep dwelling on past hurts, rejections and disappointments.
For all those of you who think you are facing difficulty because of your looks, believe me ….it is only a minor problem which can be overlooked, if we choose to do so….There is so much more within us that is real and valuable……look into yourselves and see the beauty within you!
on January 7, 2012 - 5:54 pm
Thank you for reminding me while I’m still single despite the fact that most men would kill for their (late 30s) romantic partner to look like me. I should have never enlisted in the military then got an education. I did not know that I would start to get better looking AFTER the age of 24. Looks like I’m hopeless cos I don’t seem to be getting uglier… And I’m nearing 40! No point in being nice, caring anymore. I’m cursed thanks to modern stupidity.
“…. My only problem is, THEIR insecurity”- JLo
on January 7, 2012 - 6:11 pm
Also, I need to point out something really quick here to the women who ate accusing the self-proclaimed beautiful of being self centered and conceited. THIS is the very attitude that is mentioned in this article concerning not-beautiful women against the beautiful women, Women who are esthetically beautiful are tormented by society based off their looks. It’s almost as if they are nit allowed to know they are beautiful; sure as he’ll not allowed to admit it to anyone. If you are hated because you are beautiful ” it’s really because you are ugly inside”. Of course, classic response of a hater. Beautiful women need to know they are beautiful. They should also know it is a curse so they can maneuver through life with the proper social skills to deflect (not counter attack) jealousy and insecurities of others. Unfortunately, this is a skill embodied by very very few therefore rarely taught,
A man calls you beautiful. You say thank you & smile, but let your body language say, don’t overstep your boundaries buddy!
If you walk into a room full of average women and you can feel the hate cutting through the atmosphere like daggers, you introduce yourself to everyone, make strong but not intimidating eye contact, and let all those women know you are friendly and unthreatening.
Wear clothes that are conservatively flattering
When dating, make it clear to men you are approachable and friendly. And let your body language tell them you are strong but feminine, fun but morale, and that you are capable of being a good woman.
Those who don’t or “refuse to” understand you can go f*ck themselves. You owe NOBODY an explanation to who you are and it’s not your responsibility to bend over backwards any more than anyone else to make others Ferlinghetti confortable around you.
Beautiful women, lead by example and be strong yet beautiful inside too. Do not cave into society’s need to protect the weak minded people. They’ve already done enough damage! Do not let them damage you!
on January 20, 2012 - 1:13 am
OMG thats SO true!! I remember when I was younger I would always quote, “when ugly people say that they are “FINE”, its considered confidence but when a true good looking person say that they are “fine”….they are considered conceited”! LOL So not fair! lol
on February 14, 2012 - 1:22 pm
Well said Jo!
on April 20, 2012 - 12:36 pm
Yay Jo!
on February 27, 2012 - 6:36 am
Believe it or not, I’ve become prettier as I’ve gotten older. At 53 I look around late 30s and now very goodlooking. When I got rid of my glasses as well last year, the sudden change in the way I’ve been treated has been quite interesting.
For example. I notice no man I talk to is really interested in my opinion on anything. They will say they’ve fallen in love, and to quote two of them recently, “your eyes, your lips, everything. You are so beautiful” but they had no idea who I am, so I ended feeling like a thing. One proposed marriage on the second date, then disappeared. At work, my opinions are not taken very seriously, when I used to manage major event and organised dozens of stakeholders so the whole thing was almost automated.
I marketed and promoted those events. I doubled audiences. I am also a gifted artist. The One Most Likely to Succeed in the art world, which is what my art teachers at college said. But nup, I am just a pretty woman, scary, hollow and very much alone. The stigma, too, of being good looking and alone. It hurts more than anything. I don’t know what to do about it.
on March 11, 2012 - 6:01 am
I thoroughly enjoy being beautiful. Everyday when I wake up there is the sense that anything could happen. A simple trip to the supermarket can end up with me being scouted by a model agency. Walking down the high street I get to meet so many men. They’re the wrong men, of course, but it’s fun, and an ego boost which I enjoy!
There are down sides of course. For one thing, you’re not allowed to know it. I would never, never admit to being beautiful in my everyday life. If you are told something 20-30 times day, you know yr beautiful-yet you can’t admit it! I know it would kill people to hear me say it. I always pretend that I’m just like the other girls – which is why I have female friends. I might add it took me a LONG time to find a group of accepting female friends, and they are smart women, not looks obsessed, and they are the exception… Women are guarded with me- then they see the way men react to me and they snarl at me. Even if they’re happily married.
And men…well the cocky ones that chat me up are players. The sweet shy guys never do – but I’m not complaining – all a beautiful woman has to do is join a class or take up a sport – ie. be in a situation where men have a legitimate reason to talk to her, and even the shy ones will come flocking round! In my office, there are 8 guys on my floor who don’t even hide the fact they’re in love with me. If anyone asks I quietly deny it and change the topic. I never acknowledge it as then the women would hate me. BTW, for the most part men treat me like an angel. And they will defend you and protect you against bitchy girls. And girls will be subtle – it’s so obvious if a girl says mean things about a beauty, and women are aware of that. Sure, i’ve rocked up to a party in a nice dress, had a friend be devastated that I look good in it, and after complimenting me, admit that she doesn’t know if she can be friends with me because of the way I look.
I have had ONE bad experience. I fell for a guy who seemed to really like me. He was so attentive to me in public, very affectionate, his mates all congratulated him on dating me – literally slapping him on the back – and he admitted he loved the attention of being with a beautiful woman. but he just didn’t fancy me – i know this because when there was no one else in the room, he really wasn’t interested. He just loved having a status symbol. Now that is something an average or pretty girl doesn’t have to deal with. But overall, life is like a film-i love it.
on April 20, 2012 - 12:33 pm
When you’re aesthetically beautiful you’re not allowed to say you’re beautiful. If I am proud of how I put myself together I have to be quiet about it. If I say “damn I look good”, it would be the same response as if I said “hey I’m a cannibal Nazi” = not fair. Being the “skinny” sister and cousin I was teased mercilessly about every aspect of my body while I could say nothing about them. Because they were over weight and aren’t considered as pretty, it would have been evil on my part to criticize them (adults straight out told me this growing up). However, they could analyze my awkward shaped butt, bad skin, my “boomhower(king of the hill) pooch belly, my clothes, makeup, friends, romantic interests, everything about me was criticized and made fun of. Also as far as being able to get a man… My ex boyfriend of 3 years stayed with me because of my looks alone. I thought it was opposites attract and I tried changing my personality so he would love me more and could have the whole package. It became an emotionally abusive relationship and he admitted in the end he just wanted the arm candy and that we were never compatible. THREE YEARS of a lie to take advantage of my looks. He stayed because his friends told him he could never get better than me and he’d be an idiot to leave me.=( I didn’t want him to feel like that. And it wasn’t my fault people said stuff like that. He hated me because of this. He didn’t love me but he couldn’t leave me either so he resented me and treated me like shit. I’m far from shallow and to learn that the basis of his interest was my looks broke my heart and made me hate men. What was real/ What was just to keep me? Should I be thankful for my looks? “Never make a pretty woman your wife.”<–haunts me. Prince charming doesn't trust you and becomes possessive or cold. I can't have a healthy relationship. I'm educated and have a loving family, a healthy relationship should be easy. But no, I have to have either VERY casual or a masochistic relationship for security. I'd say the only benefit of being pretty is that I've always been able to get a job easily and once I was mistaken several times in one night for a mannequin/doll at a goth night club (lol it was funny and pretty cool). I wish I could more openly share positive experiences of being beautiful(like being mistaken for a doll) but people don't want to hear that. You get ridiculed for being vain or imperfect and left feeling like shit about yourself. Thanks for this article!
on April 20, 2012 - 6:29 pm
Dear Mc Thick HEAD,
Its horrible that you attacked this woman for sharing her experiences that you know nothing of. I hope next time you will read everything someone says before you judge it, because this is a woman reaching out for support and you shit on her. Beautiful women, it has been proven here, are shat on. Sometimes literally. Two girls one cup, f***ing animals, double penetration. People do want to hurt and torture beautiful women that has been proven again and again by the mainstream slasher films that show nothing but beautiful women being selected for severe tortures. Every (almost) guy Ive been with wants to go straight to abusive porn sex and I became accostomed and addicted to it. I thought thats just how sex was. Sex=porn=pain. Now I am in a loving relationship with a man who cares for me and respects me. When we first got together I couldn’t orgasm without pain. I asked to be hit, burned, chocked, as violent as he could, Id beg for it. At first I think it was exciting for him but the one night he started crying and said “I just want to love you. I want to make love to you. I can’t hurt you anymore.” The look in his face. I could have died. When you’re told your worth is based on sex you begin to believe. Since I was a LITTLE girl guys have been coming on to me. Its sick and in adult life I thought I had to perform like a porn star because that’s what pretty girls do. That’s whats on tv and that what people expected of me. This socialization is different for socially stigmatized attractive women because there is absolutely a point that you become hated for beauty. Its a biological threat to others reproduction chances. With women its competition for mates and with men its the fact you won’t have their baby. Just as an exquisitely feathered bird will be singled out by members of their own species, beautiful women are left isolated and abused.
on April 20, 2012 - 7:23 pm
This year, I decided that I was going to be beautiful in MY own eyes and believe it. I know I have a lot to offer the world, if people who think I am beautiful would just let down their guards and quit being prejudgemental. I’ve learned that going without makeup and being the goofy, dorky me with a mild lisp and airhead moments IS the way to go because it is the real me. I’m not a fantasy. I have a lisp. I am lousy in bed. I fart. I burp. I trip on my own feet. I forget to use lint brushes on my fitness pants. I forget my iphone all the time…. dudes, I am so human that I shock people when they get to know the real me.
I personally believe, ALL beautiful women stand up and let your faults shine ! And don’t let the mediocre asswipes break you down. As much as I think beauty is curse… I love being a hot dork ! ! ! I will happily wear a star trek tshirt to work every day… and I have.
And I want to ask people who are reading this thread and have low opinions of beautiful women. How different is it being beautiful and self centered because of their looks any different than judging people based off their looks? Why is it so ok for normal people to judge, label and condemn beautiful people when they themselves are being superficial…….? why hate on the beautiful when you can just shut up and lover yourself ?
on April 22, 2012 - 3:11 pm
Hey Jo Im with you! I love being a hot dork too! I’m a gamer (WOW) and am annoyingly forgetful and clumsy. All in all I am glad for my looks and accept the curse.It bothers me though that it seems like people get mad at me for dressing down. My ex used to say he felt like I didn’t love him if I quit working out or wasn’t getting dolled up a lot. And once my cousin and sister were bitching about how pretty and skinny girls were lazy and thought they could just wear what ever they wanted. My sis dubbed it “Cheesy Skweeter.” When a pretty girl wasn’t put together. Lol its so gross I hated being called that so much and had no idea what it meant until after we were adults. I suck at matching and usually dress like an elderly hippy man lol so I’ve accepted dirty hippy jokes and I think I come off less threatening but I do get a lot of comments like , “oh if you just did this or that” or one friend said “you look like angelina jolie, I wish I could just take you home and dress up with you” lol. I find a lot of people want to make me over to look like a pop star or something. I let my faults hang and people get used to it. And its really funny to gross guys out with jokes or bad habits. I tried the whole make up girl thing because I felt I had too. Im over that. I dont like make up, I dont like brushing my hair,and I want to wear clothes I can fall asleep in. I love dressing up every now and then (what girl doesn’t) but I am also subscribing to my own definition of beauty and I am beautiful. I’m not superficial. I’m beautiful. I’m not vain or conceited, I’m beautiful. It makes me happy and I don’t regret that.
on April 22, 2012 - 10:20 pm
Wow.
I don’t even know where to begin Ash. It’s been proven HERE that beautiful women get shat on?! Seriously, that’s really your defense? It’s been proven EVERYWHERE on the planet that attractive people have an easier time in work, relationships, money, and just life in general.
I’m sorry that you chose jackasses to date. Are you saying that being beautiful forced you to make bad decisions? Or, are you saying that being beautiful causes stupidity? Either way, you’ve demonstrated a fair share of both, I guess it’s just part of the cross you bear.
No one said anything about porn, violent or otherwise, just you. Probably because you’re beautiful…right?
I read large portions of Lisa92′s rant, until she started to contradict herself, punching holes in her own sad story. I mentioned that I disliked her immediately, and it was NOT because of her ‘beauty’ but rather, because of her personality.
I’m glad you accidentally found a guy who treats you right…I suggest that you both attend couples therapy because you obviously have some deep-seated problems that are independent of your physical beauty and I fear that your relationship will suffer unless you explore those problems with a professional. He needs to go because you clearly messed up his head a little bit with the sexual needs your beauty ‘forced’ upon you.
Get help.
on April 22, 2012 - 11:12 pm
Mc Thick Head,
I think its interesting that there are people trolling here looking for negative things to say to women who identify with this article. People such as yourself went out of your way to read and respond to these blogs and ultimately shit on beautiful women. Your right I am lucky I accidentally found a good guy lol Since there are so few out there. My life isn’t nearly as dramatic as it plays out in these blog posts but as far as sexual deviations and porn, many women stated on this thread they felt pressured into entering the pornography industry and had sexual mistreatment from partners. This is my experience as I have felt it. Do I believe every injury in my life has been because I’m beautiful? Absolutely not. However I am intelligent to know the ones that do relate to my appearance. As far as your defense that attractive people have it easier in work, relationships, and money; very broad conclusion with 0 backing evidence. The closest thing I’ve ever heard of is that marriages tend to last longer if the woman is more attractive than the man. Which still was rather subjective and unconvincing. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the divorce rate is the same for everyone. Money often times represents beauty in our society so those lines can be blurred or created. Work, honestly, yes it is extremely easy for me to find a job. I won’t deny that. But there is that tricky glass ceiling so opportunities are in reality very limited and fleeting. Relationships? Well sorry but I would have to disagree that your level of attractiveness has anything to do with happy relationships. And I think many of the other “cursed beauty’s” would agree that goods looks don’t result in an instant,great relationship. Also “pretty girls” tend to be the victims of school bullying and alienation resulting in suicide. If you can’t relate or understand this plight, fine. You’re entitled to your opinion and you’ve stated it. It would be polite however if you’d quit posting here and allow those who want to utilize the thread for productive introspection and group support to do so.
Ash
on April 22, 2012 - 11:21 pm
Greg,
Thanks for posting! It would be a daydream come true for others who are not affected by this curse to read this. I’m actually surprised more women haven’t commented. I actively searched for this post via Google, because I’ve reached an age where I’m beginning to realize the real damage done by being beautiful externally. I hate that I’ve been conditioned to feel that saying I’m beautiful = me being arrogant. I know my blessings, and I know my weaknesses.
I lost my job of 7 years a few months ago due to an insecure manager – should we mention the gender? No joke, even belittling comments about my appearance were made to me by her. Fortunately, I was blessed with another job after interviewing with 5 MEN. It required me to relocate from CA to WA. In WA, I’m experiencing 10x more often what you’ve described here. See, in CA, I had a handful of friends I could rely on- friends that I grew up with. Starting over in a new state (and WA at that! The “Seattle Freeze” phenomenon is true!) has proven to me that I’m going to have to work much harder to acquire new friendships. I’m really struggling over this
The women in the office immediately scoffed at me, until my cat passed away last week and they got to see me “raw” from crying an entire day and losing my composure.
The men here are kind to me, but the ONLY time I’ve been hit on was at a gay bar (we can laugh at this, it’s okay). You know how the gays (I don’t say this derogatively) love their Britney Spears and Mariah Carey… it’s not like I’m going to turn them!
I didn’t think for a second that men weren’t approaching me because they were intimidated – the notion just hit me recently. For awhile I would think “God, wtf is wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough for these guys?”
Now, I’m questioning when I’ll find someone that really loves me and I could have a family with because I’ll be 30 in a few years and my biological clock is ticking
. Right now, any guy that I date (via online dating sites usually), only wants me to fulfill their sexual appetite. So it makes me resent men. I’m a very sincere, caring and compassionate person that wants to share that with someone who wants more than just p***y. I’m hating myself for not being able to distinguish the decent guys from the man-whores.
Now, what I will say is that I’m guilty of treating beautiful people unfair. My jealousy has subsided though and I now treat people – whether physically beautiful or not – as I want to be treated
on April 23, 2012 - 3:25 pm
Hello Ello
thanks for the kudos and your wonderful comments sharing your story. The more of these I read, the more it becomes apparent that Beauty’s curse is 100% based on insecurities – not so much with the beauty herself, but the rest of society who has to look at her.
Considering a scenario where a beauty (think Elizabeth Taylor) is crowned as royalty (Cleopatra), an untouchable Queen who was to be looked at with mere glances, and not stares – people are always okay with that situation. But let her be Cleopatra from around the way, a neighbor, or your buddy’s girlfriend and it seems as if a fear comes over women that their man will actively pursue her.
I call it the Angelina Jolie complex and I think it explains a lot of the mean. vindictive things that average-looking women will do at times to get back at a stunner. Some women think that (like Angie), it will only take a wink and a passing smile for a beauty to steal their man… and being that we are not afforded the benefit of the doubt… it is easier for the woman to react negatively to the beauty based on her looks.
Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t on the woman side but from the man’s side let me tell you something, and this is an article I have coming out, but dating, loving and marrying a beautiful woman puts a man in a bind in quite a different way. We get celebrated as greatest of Alphas for bagging a beautiful woman, but at the same time we have to check other males who do actively snipe for the women in our lives. It’s extremely deep.
Like other social issues that are disallowed opinion from the privileged, this topic is very important but it is one that nobody wants to talk about (reminds me of racism). I am glad to have at least started some discourse on it and I appreciate your adding your opinion on this thread. Take care.
on April 22, 2012 - 11:21 pm
(Post 2)
I am finding myself envious of women who can find real love, simply because they were not “blessed” with good looks. They can know that when a man spends time with them, he is interested in them as a person, not for their sex appeal. I didn’t earn what I have, I was simply born this way (again, I’m feeling conceited here but I don’t mean it that way!). It’s not fair to the others just as much as it’s not fair to me. Unless of course our society can come to a mutual agreement that looks don’t matter. Ha!
Let’s turn the tables here though… I had a conversation with an old friend recently – really handsome man, model material. We’ll call him Josh. We’ve moved past our “hook up phase” and can be just friends now. We were talking about a guy that I am going on a date with this coming week, we’ll call him Chris. Chris is good-looking, and definitely works at it. His body is chiseled to the max – very muscular. I showed a picture of Chris to Josh, and Josh said that I have to be careful with men like that; “they have self esteem issues”.
And so, it seems, either Josh is possibly jealous of Chris – or it’s true that men who look that good physically have some mental issues. I can’t help but smirk here, because I think it’s both. And I get it. They’re both handsome men, and they’re both probably f*cked up in the head. Just like I’ve become in many ways. Because even men reach an age where sex isn’t AS important as it used to be, and they’re eventually ready to settle down. They, too, have to find someone that’s not with them just for a pretty picture.
As much as I resent men for treated me like a disposable object, I also know that handsome men have to be going through what beautiful women deal with on a regular basis.
But you are a man, you can tell me if I’m just imagining things
on April 23, 2012 - 1:06 am
Ok….I read this article quite awhile ago and tend to agree on many points…It is hard to fit in a group when you are obviously different….women can give you the hate stare and men can be intimidated by our beauty…but…. why are so many women whining about how bad their life is because they are beautiful? Come on ladies!!…You love being beautiful and you would not trade your beauty for anything in this world!…so why whine and complain?….I mean it is good to vent it out rather than bottling it up…but thinking that everything bad in this world happened to you, because you are beautiful, is never going to make things better, only worse….
I have often been given the “hate” stare and I have often felt a very deadly silence when I enter a room…but the truth is I feel good about myself, and enjoy being beautiful…so I don’t allow other women’s “hate” towards me to dominate my thoughts….I have found the best way to handle women is to be confident, yet friendly with them, but to keep a safe distance…..
I too used to wonder why I could never get too close to any woman other than my mom and sister….I realized later on, that it was because I was different, and many women felt slightly intimidated/threatened by me….and behaved in different ways……Am I bitter about it??….No! On the contrary, I am very thankful to God for ALL the blessings he has given me, including my beauty and I would much rather focus on the blessings he has given me in my life and keep doing what I feel is right….Because I believe in the power of positivity…And God has blessed me with SO many good things in my life apart from my beauty …so I will be the first person to say that I feel humbled that he has been so good to me….I wouldn’t want my life any other way!:)
So please….for what it’s worth…please stop whining about your beauty, and open your eyes to the beauty around you!….A child’s laughter, a beautiful flower, a hug from a loved one…..
A woman is SO much more than her outer beauty….If she chooses to, she can become SO much more beautiful by appreciating the good things in life, and enjoying each and every moment…We have SO much to live for …..So go out there to capture and enjoy the beauty of life!!!…It makes us women whole…complete…Because NOBODY can make us happy or sad, unless we allow them too….the choice lies within us…..3 cheers for the beauty of LIFE!!!:)
on April 23, 2012 - 2:17 pm
Beauty of Life =) You are very right on so many levels. I am 24 and honestly I didn’t know I was pretty until I was 21 or so. For most of my life I felt very ugly. My mom would tell me people were intimidated by me and I didn’t believe it. I didn’t think I was pretty at all. But when I realized I was beautiful it was absolutely a blessing! I was happier and more confident. I don’t want to whine about any problems, especially since these ones are just becoming apparent. I would much rather be blogging about the positive experiences of being a beautiful woman but the article is “The Curse of Being a Beautiful Woman”, not the “Blessings of a Beautiful Woman.” I am aware of those benefits as they are constantly reinforced. I was relieved to hear other women who were struggling with similar issues because it is awkward and discouraged to do so out loud in everyday life. I do see so much beauty in the world everyday. My looks have very little to do with my likes and activities. I love hiking, dancing, smoking pot, playing videos games, reading, writing, and debating politics. My life would be just as satisfying if I were average or unattractive. However I have had the opportunity to do modeling and acting, things I know were afforded to me because my looks. I love that. I love being able to dress up and play a beautiful woman. I love that I was chosen over other people for these roles. It makes me proud. I am happy and the more I can stay tuned to all the beauty in life the happier I get. I look forward to being a grandparent and telling my offspring about all the adventures I have had. My beauty has definitely taken me on many of those adventures, internally and externally. Cheers to happiness and the beauty of life!!
on April 23, 2012 - 10:35 am
Ash,
Surely, it would be more convenient for you if I just went away, wouldn’t it. How DARE someone have a contrary opinion to you, a beautiful person?
Did you know that normal/ugly people NEVER get bullied? Did you know that normal/ugly people NEVER commit suicide?
Wake up and understand that your victimization is solely your own responsibility. Contrary to your belief, the world does not revolve around you. When someone disagrees with you, they’re just disagreeing with you, not bullying, or ostracizing, or hating. You’re not that important.
Do you dislike me? It must be because I’m beautiful…right?
You’re correct, I did not offer any backing for what I said. Honestly, I did not think it was necessary, but since you are so deluded as to think a bunch of whiners in hobdragon.com constitute proof of your claim, I will offer some counter-proof that has actual science and statistical weight behind it:
Beautiful people make more money: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203687504576655331418204842.html
Attractive people are more successful (not an article in itself, rather a description of a scholarly book on the subject: http://www.mellenpress.com/mellenpress.cfm?bookid=6771&pc=9
Beautiful people have better lives in general: http://www.economist.com/node/21526782
Do you, Miss Ash, have anything to back up your claims other than a myopic view of the world?
If people were using the thread for useful introspection, your request to vacate might have weight. However, a whine fest about how life is hard is not introspection it is feeling sorry for yourself.
I have some news for you. Relationships are hard for everyone, repeated failures in that arena are the fault of poor decisions, not the fault of physical beauty.
on April 23, 2012 - 1:59 pm
Say what you will, but you can not discredit the women and men who have had negative experiences based on their looks. That is THEIR truth and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to change that. I realize that people are bullied and rejected for various reasons. Obviously.I need to throw a big DUHHHHHHHHH in there also!! I never said they weren’t. I am saying that beautiful people have these experiences as well and it is not fair for anyone to say that good looks cannot cause problems. It is also not fair for someone to tell me how I should feel. And yes my point was exactly that, relationships are hard for everyone. My point is not that beautiful people have it harder than anyone else, that would not be a true statement. There are huge benefits to being attractive. However I feel like you are saying ti is impossible to experience a problem that maybe related to being attractive. That is just rude and defeats the purpose of the above written article which has many great and accurate points, despite what people such as yourselves may believe. Also the posts wouldn’t come across nearly as whiny if the people here weren’t on the complete defense. Try keeping the trolling to a minimum and the whole thing would look much better, another DUHHHHHHHHH!! Get a life my friend. Your are hypocritical, shallow, and have missed the point here completely. No one said it was worse to be beautiful than ugly, we are simply acknowledging the issues pertaining to physical beauty. You keep separating beautiful from everyone else. Every comment from someone with the curse has been peaceful, non attacking, and relating to all people, not just the beautiful ones. Trolls are the ones making beautiful people sound like another species or disease.
on April 24, 2012 - 4:48 am
Ash
Thank you. You are obviously also very intelligent.
Of course we are not saying our lives are HARDER than anyone else’s, just that our problems are invisible because everyone thinks we have a nicer life due to our looks. And it is not true. Problems may be different in some ways, but they are real:
Well, get this.
I have, in the last 6 months, had three men (a millionaire, a guy 25 years my junior and a NY song writer) fall ‘madly in love’ after two dates. Just like my ex-husband, who walked out on my and our 9 week old son, 18 years ago.
Despite my loneliness, I am not going to succumb to a guy’s protestations of love when he hardly knows me – and I too, need TIME to get to know a person – so I guess I am not as shallow as they are…… or, true, I may have more options…..for a little while longer.
on April 24, 2012 - 9:05 am
Bubbles,
Cute name =) I’m glad we’re on the same page. I’m sorry for you and your son. This man obviously didn’t deserve his family. That is one of my fears about relationships. My first love disappeared on me and that pain made me extremely fearful about relationships. I also have had men who claim to fall for me or get that love sick look. Before meeting my current boyfriend I spent several months single, and for the first time in life also very confident. I found dating very discouraging if not impossible. It always seemed like the men who “fell” for me were the men I was least compatible with or they were already in relationships. $ seemed to be a tool. As if they could flash some cash and promise to take me sky diving and I’d be theirs. Lol it takes more than that. I also had a co worker that I liked a lot and he would flirt with me and lead me on just to tell me in the end that “oops I already have a girlfriend.” I feel incredibly lucky to have found the man I am with. We were talking about it and we both agreed in past relationships there were always things the other people wanted to change about you, and vice versa. Not with him! He’s perfect with all of his imperfections and he thinks I’m perfect too. When he says I love you I know he means it. I wish you luck and with time and a beautiful open heart, such as you have, you will find an amazing partner who will want YOU!
on April 24, 2012 - 12:16 pm
I’m shallow? Really? I’m not the one who blames my physical beauty for my problems. I’m not trolling anyone, all I’m saying is that you might look a little bit deeper than your own skin to identify your issues. If you have a string of bad relationships, both platonic and romantic, maybe it’s because you can’t pick out the good from the bad. Maybe it’s because you are vain and abrasive. Maybe it’s because you’re a diva and a pain in everyone’s ass.
Normal people have all the same problems that you do, they just understand that it’s not their good looks that are causing the problems. I would have the same level of sympathy for someone who complains of all the trials and tribulations of being rich. So what? Everything else in your life is proven to be easier and more rewarding, and yet you choose to piss and moan about the very gift that has allowed you to live the life you have. It’s a gift you were born with, it cannot be bought, it cannot be imitated.
It is stunning to me that most men who “fell for you were the least compatible or already in relationships.” WHY WERE YOU SPENDING TIME WITH THOSE GUYS IN THE FIRST PLACE? If ever there was an example of blaming physical beauty for your own poor choices that would be it.
People who blame their looks for their sufferings are self-important whiners who cannot face the fact that they make bad decisions and then fail to learn from them. Stop using your looks as a crutch a grow the hell up.
And still no ‘proof’ other than apocryphal stories from an assortment of whiners…well done.
on April 24, 2012 - 12:50 pm
Mcthick as I said before you’re entitled to your opinion but you refuse to see anyone posting here identifying with the curse as being anything other than divas, shallow, and whiners. This will be my last response to you as every word written to you has been a complete waste of time and anxiety. I understand your point of view but you are the one being myopic barely skimming whats been written in these posts and making vast unfounded judgements. You are a troll. Good luck in your bitter, bored, and quite nearsighted point of view. Good day! ………….(enter mcthicks next post)…………………..I said GOOD DAY! Is there a way to ignore I wonder?
on April 26, 2012 - 9:36 am
Ignoring me does not impact the logic behind my comments. You challenged me to provide backing proof, which I did. You claim that I’m entitled to my own opinion, and then immediately condemn it as shallow and myopic, meanwhile blaming the difficulties of your life on physical beauty, which is certainly a definition of shallow.
I HAVE read the comments, I just stopped reading Lisa92 because it made no sense and was simply a repetition of her previous comments.
Failing to make me wrong is not a waste of your time, it should be seen as a lesson. Perhaps you were unable to shift my opinion because your own argument is too weak to do so.
Silence is acquiescence.
on April 26, 2012 - 10:41 am
McThick…. I am assuming you are male. Although I do not doubt your intelligence, I 100% doubt your understanding of women in general. It is obvious the replies to this blog post are merely rants & stories of other women and how they relate to a post. If you knew anything about women, you’d kniw that when we b*tch, moan or complain, it is not a call to “fix me” or “fix my situation”. It’s a call for “understand me… Please I don’t want to feel I’m alone on this!”. Other women will reply with sharing their stories, or comforting the one in distress. Men, on the other hand, enter the picture with a cause & solution. This very type of reply will pi** off most women. It seems very illogical that women want to just rant on & on. Just as it is illogical to us that men endlessly chase dumb or mean b*tches or drive around in circles refusing to ask for directions.
Beautiful women are hated on by the majority of society. And it seems only other women that get hated on will understand. I am one of those women. MY solutions are welcomed, not those of an average woman (who is more likely to be the hater not hated-on) nor those of in relatable men….. Sorry. Illogical? Well, whoever said humanity was logical in general?
on April 26, 2012 - 1:41 pm
LOVE IT! Your first paragraph summed up the entire commentary beautifully… it seems like a nice collective of stories to strengthen the theory on beauty’s curse along with making it comfortable for like minds to share similar nightmares and discuss them. As men we do always take discussions as “find a fix” and it explains why there are so few men entering this discussion. We can’t fix it, and the only thing we can do is what I have been trying to do for quite awhile which is bring awareness to it.
Very happy to see that I am neither insane nor blind in what I have been witnessing my entire adult life. I think guys like McThick should read today’s article to see that there are pros and cons to being attractive.
on April 26, 2012 - 1:30 pm
Jo…I was 100% with you (I hate asking for directions) until the second paragraph. Attractive women are NOT hated on by the majority of society. Rather, attractive women do not seen the huge benefits that are normally accorded them and are shocked when they run up on someone who doesn’t care if they’re pretty or not and get treated like a normal person.
Normal treatment for an attractive person (man or woman) is considerably better than normal treatment for the average person. Furthermore, from your disdain for “average women” it is fairly clear that you expect better treatment than what they get…since they’re haters and all.
You might feel bad about petty jealousies from average women, and understandably so. However, that does not mean that you are singled out by the universe for especially negative treatment. Furthermore, any examination of the bigger picture would have you realize that a lot of your life is comparatively easy.
I’m not trying to ‘fix’ anyone or anything, but rather to get you to recognize that the main problem here is your obsession over a few jealous comments, rather than a ‘problem’.
on April 26, 2012 - 4:59 pm
Listen friends…..I think this debate is getting out of hand…Each person is entitled to their own opinion…..Jo, Ash, McThick., etc….I personally feel there is some truth to what both Ash and Mckthick have to say….but in a typical guy manner, McThick tried to solve the problem, rather than listen, which has irked Ash….because all she really wanted was someone to listen and comfort her…which I as a woman can perfectly understand…
However, though McThick does sound very harsh…I do tend to agree with him that beautiful women are looked upon more favourably…and as a result it is easier to create a better first impression. And we really cannot blame all our problems on our physical beauty…. But as Ash has also mentioned, if we are not careful about whom we choose to form a relationship with, we may fall into a trap. So ultimately it really is a question of being street smart and be aware of the fact that, along with the perks of being beautiful, it has it’s downsides too, and we should be take care accordingly ….
As someone who is thankful to God, for my beauty, I can honestly say that I LOVE being beautiful, and the perks far outweigh the disadvantages…..So to all the beautiful girls out there…Leave behind those negative emotions and embrace your beauty! And to all the guys out there….we really don’t need a solution….just an ear and a shoulder to cry on…It’s totally understandable if you guys don’t get it…it’s a girl thing you know??
on April 27, 2012 - 12:04 pm
I do get it LiB, I think you hit the nail right on the head. There is a difference between a challenge and a disadvantage.
on April 27, 2012 - 12:06 am
Hehe I didn’t think about the male versus female differences in looking at problems. Thanks, that makes me feel slightly less attacked thinking about it in that perspective. It is a girl thing and I want to say thanks to all the women and a couple men who have lent their helpful and appreciated input and experiences. The proof of these issues is in the experience of the individual. So is the individuals experience what they make it. I love being beautiful, truly. There is no solution only some reflection and there is always a balance of good and bad in every life.
on April 27, 2012 - 3:45 am
I’ve been ugly, ordinary, plain AND beautiful. I was considered ugly as a child and told it so often, plain as a teenager, but only because my skin went crazy, ordinary after I put on a bit of weight and also beautiful, like now and other lengthy periods in my life. The problems within each ‘period’ have all been different, but they exist. There’s two sides to every situation. However, one of my problems is NOT that I feel more entitled than other women. On the contrary, I grew up very humble, and shy and unsure of myself. Those inner foundations of personality are created early in life. What I do know is that if I am feeling shy now people think I am haughty and unapproachable. If I am friendly, I’m a flirt, if I comb my hair or wear lipstick, I’m vain. Okay, so I am a bit vain. Vanity, thy name IS woman. I do take care of my assets. All my female colleagues do too. I just seem to be more successful at it. And men clearly just want only sex. It gets old.
Oh, and I meet lots of Mc-ControlFreaks
on April 27, 2012 - 12:00 pm
You do know that “Vanity, thy name is woman” is an insult…right. Also, vanity is one of the seven deadly sins. But that’s OK, cause you deserve it…right? It’s nice that you don’t feel more entitled…
on April 27, 2012 - 10:28 am
I’ve been through many similar stages too; acne, weight, and an awkward prepubescence. As a child I was deathly shy at school but was outgoing around my family. I was very poor and my parents had a “hands off” philosophy in raising kids so I was often made fun of for wearing clothes that didn’t fit and being dirty. As I grow older I am learning to take better care of myself and I shine up like a new penny lol. During my “ugly” times I was bitter I couldn’t be one of the beautiful one’s. However I know I wasn’t nearly as hideous as the school boys let on and I know so many women who feel the same. Also I am happy to display my adult beauty and in the back of my head I want to show all those mean boys who treated me like an ugly disease what they can’t have now. As I started getting out of my ugly phase guys started lying and saying they slept with me. It was so frustrating and then I got a rep as a slut AND bitch because I would beat them up lol In adult life I know I have to be careful about how I interact with my loved ones men. I can feel them on edge if I am talking to their man and sometimes I am mean to the guy just to prove I am on the girls side and I don’t want him. My sister and I have been in many fights because she did not trust her boyfriend and because we smoked together once and had a half ass conversation (with her there mind you) she said she could never trust us together. =( I hate that feeling of suspicion I get whenever I am around boyfriends, especially when I’m dolled up. Its unnerving that my presence can cause a fight. Ive heard couples start fighting because the guy looks at me and the girl freaks out like I can’t even hear. “Oh you like that slut?” Its awkward and I have to pretend I don’t notice cus god forbid I stand up for myself lol Also I ruined the chances of one of my best friends getting the girl of his dreams. Our friendship made her uncomfortable and she broke it off with him. He quit talking to me also… It probably helped his chances of getting a girl. And yeah the control freak thing is like every relationship. The sucky thing is I can’t figure it out until I’m already too involved. Some are obviously masochistic or just want sex but the good ones it seems about 6 months to a year and the guys seem to start freaking out on me. I am a serial monogamist btw lol
on April 27, 2012 - 6:39 pm
Most women are vain, Macca. Look at stats for the sales of lipstick and you’ll understand most women want to look nice. Control-freak is also an insult. I’ll bet you’ve been burned recently by a goodlloking woman. I won’t be engaging with you again, please let fly, McFriend.
on May 8, 2012 - 10:33 am
I know control-freak is an insult, it’s also not a modifier I self-applied. I have been happily married to a beautiful woman for 7 years, and we dated for years before that. So, no, I have not been ‘burned’. I guess that once someone disagrees with you it’s easier to ignore them than deal with the flaws in your own argument.
on April 28, 2012 - 5:06 am
Just to clear the record, especially to McThick…. I was once average (and an ugly, zit faced, coke bottle glasses wearing teenager). I remember those days. I also remember how easier it was to be the real “me”; the 140+ IQ tomboy who love weight lifting, Star Trek, kittens and mentally dazing off in physics class dreaming of being a popular cheerleader dating the quarterback. I never got attention from men until I joined the military; and I can honestly say, it did get to my head for a short while. I had to deal with my first hater, spreading rumors about me sleeping with all the guys in my military class, to understand that you don’t have to be pretty to be hated… just the prettiest.
Not all beautiful women expect to be treated like goddesses. As a matter of fact, many women are annoyed to the bone when guys verbally lash them with compliments. I honestly cannot stand being called hot all the time. Or being told over and over I am so beautiful. I do not want MY self esteem being dependent upon these compliments becasue one day, they WILL cease. There are women out there that are only beautiful with make up or slutty clothes on… the ones seeking attention, that get mad when they do not get it. I don’t know about you other girls, but I purposely go to the gym looking like azz so not to get hit on or stared at creepily. McThick, I can tell you have an issue with attractive women. But, I really don’t give a f*ck what you or anyone thinks about me anymore. God made me beautiful after my prime (did I mention that I am 39 years old) to go hand in hand with the wisdom I have accumulated… I am sure for a good reason.
Haters can kiss my a**…. cos hating me is NOT going to make them any prettier nor make me uglier. If anything, haters should hate me for my intellect, cos that is not going anywhere anytime soon ! ! But wait… I am still pretty at 39. Oh, it must really suck to be my hater. No, really now…. I don’t act like this in person. But I do keep it as a secret mindset so not to let haters get the best of me. One thing I have learned is that once a hater, always a hater. Its a disease, and I am sorry but McThick… your distaste for beautiful women affirms and supports that epidemic.
on May 8, 2012 - 10:45 am
See, I do not dislike beautiful women. I dislike whiners. I applaud your attitude of “Haters can kiss my ass” because it is exactly the right way to handle things. If someone gives you shit about being pretty, there is no reason for you to deal with them at all. This is exactly what I have been TRYING to articulate for this whole thread. BUT, it’s a damn site easier to become a victim and blame all your problems on being pretty, which is what most of the commenters here are doing.
The ‘epidemic’ you speak of is easily dealt with, and you obviously have developed the tools to do so. So why complain?
Your experience in the military was definitely a hater, but it was the military, you should have expected narrow mindedness and ignorance immediately upon getting involved, especially given your 140+ IQ. That’s like walking into a pond and being surprised you got wet. Imagine! A misogynist in the military! SHOCKING
on May 8, 2012 - 10:48 am
Alright. Basically, you’re saying “Yes, it is like that” and get real and deal with it. Learn how to maneuver and be prepared. Fair enough.
on May 7, 2012 - 7:02 am
Greg, this is so true!!! Recently I was in a situation where I was head over hells a guy — that kind of pure love where you meet someone and you know it right away. He (and his friends) must have been so convinced that I cannot be so into him so quickly and be legit in the same time, that he ignored me and pushed me away to the point that I finally confronted him about it and wrote him some true stuff and some crazy stuff. In my mind, he created a Frankenstein himself by the way he acted to me — so you were wondering “where’s the catch” and were expecting the psycho to come out at any moment — well, you finally got her! Then his friends started contacting me undercover and through some fake accounts to see how I would be to them and to prove to him I was unworthy — that has been going on for more than half a year now and they still haven’t been able to discover anything out of the ordinary. One of his friends even wrote under a fake name on my Fan Page (I am an author) that I must be “a prostitute or a gold digger”. Seriously? So the only reason why someone could like your friend is money? He’s got nothing else to offer? Imagine — my only sin was just being so into the guy. His friends just won’t give up; they are set on proving I am either a psycho or a gold digger. I can’t tell you what kind of ridiculous accounts they actually came up with on all kind of social media platforms, only to prove their point…
Previously, I also dated a guy who was really good looking, a 10 in my view, who kept telling me that there must be something wrong with me, kept asking me why I am with him and that I have to tell him what’s my problem right there upfront so that he knows. You can’t be beautiful and open about your interest — no one will ever believe you and you get branded as all kind of things. And you can’t complain about it either. No one would believe you. So Greg, beautiful + successful + open/no game player= very very shallow dating pool + lots of trouble/heartache.
on May 7, 2012 - 7:19 am
I came across more research. It is true Pretty women get further in life because of the halo effect i.e. people expect us to be nicer, more competent, intelligent, and all the rest. When we fail, however, probably because we too are human, we receive more flack over it. People are bitterly disappointed when we don’t live up to their expectations and make us suffer for it. Guess that splains everything.
on May 7, 2012 - 7:39 am
One more thought, linking to Lisa92 point — and this is something I’ve noticed in the US/Western Europe dating culture — we don’t have it in Bulgaria — men are taught to “neg” beautiful women. They are taught that if they treat beautiful women like they are nothing special and are rude to them, they can get them because they prove to them they are not impressed and then the woman wants their approval. So Lisa, remember, every time that a guy who isn’t that attractive tries to bring you down, he is trying to break down your barriers and prove to you he doesn’t care with the hope that he throws you off and that you come closer to seek his approval. Don’t ever fall for that. I can’t tell you how many times it happens that in a bar or on the street a guy is rude to me on purpose, he pushes me, spills his drink on me or steps on my foot — with the only hope of communicating the message: I don’t think you are that much and I didn’t even notice you. It’s really hard to believe that, when you notice that he moves from one corner of the bar to the very opposite corner of the bar with the only mission to come and demonstrate to you he doesn’t notice you. Really, just walk away, don’t even say anything. Know that is a “negging” attempt and don’t react. I know lots of guys who tell me that this is how they approach beautiful women.
on May 7, 2012 - 9:04 am
“I know lots of guys who tell me that this is how they approach beautiful women.”
^ Guys who try this nonsense are usually so unsuccessful and pathetic that the ones who know how to talk to women secretly laugh at them. This is some weak game nonsense that most men do unconsciously and wonder at why they can’t ever score a woman higher than a 6.
It happens all the time, men see a beauty and they stare, stare, stare until they want her and then they look inside and realize they lack the confidence to. Then they look at the competition, oh she has a handsome dude talking to her… fuck there goes my chance… ugh I’m just gonna act like I don’t like her. We’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another, but the handsome guy doesn’t score her… the funny guy with a massive amount of confidence does. All day, every day.
I wish guys would stop employing this tired and failed tactic to get pretty women. As if women ever find an aloof acting, mean, douchebag to be attractive. It’s all due to low self-esteem and intimidation Iveta, trust me.
on May 7, 2012 - 9:33 pm
I’m 25 years of age, never had a girlfriend, and is still a virgin and I never heard worse garbage than that. Being rude to a female accomplish nothing other than the male being a dick.
I don’t even know how that even works anyway. If a female did anything of that nature to me, I would have lost interest completely and would have left her there with the bill for all I care.
I don’t know if I will ever find a woman that I have enough interest in to approach to but I have yet to enter a bar, beach, or any social area. Not to mention it is annoying to get rejected as well. Most males and females tend to make fun of me anyway.
I can’t say that I’m not surprised. I do have pimples, very low income (less than a thousand a month), only have access to the city bus, and my wardrobe? I don’t think I got one.
So you can say that I’m one of the males who is afraid of the beautiful women. It’s all fun and games when you bed her but once she finds out the situation you are really in, things can get out of control fast.
on May 7, 2012 - 7:59 am
MrThick, I also think that you might be underestimating the issue. The problem is not: How does this person dare not treat me as a diva and a god’s gift? The problem is rather than men would want to treat you bad on purpose because of your looks (and this has been stated in plain language by many people) only to make you come to them. I don’t expect extra good treatment but I don’t want to be stepped on or pushed. Just as an example, the other day a guy in the gym saw me, moved from one corner of the gym to exactly where I was stretching and started jumping with his rope and guess what, he hit me with his rope on purpose to demonstrate he didn’t notice me. I didn’t ask for it; and it wasn’t a coincidence; and he wouldn’t have done it if it was a guy, or someone he didn’t find attractive. MrThick, I think you underestimate the amount of “negging” of beautiful women that goes on and game playing books and pick up artists are to blame for that. And while I of course I wouldn’t go out with a guy like that, it’s unpleasant to have frequent encounters like that.
on May 8, 2012 - 10:30 am
Iveta,
I doubt the guy hit you with his jump rope to prove he didn’t notice you. Rather, he wanted you to notice him. Sorta like ‘accidentally’ throwing a ball so that the catcher has to land in a pile of girls.
Now, he’s definitely an idiot, but he just wanted to talk to you, not ‘be mean.’
I submit, again, that the basically better treatment that a beautiful person experiences every day makes the normal treatment the rest of us get seem rude by comparison.
Also, game-players and pick-up artists infest the world we live in. As a beautiful person, you pay for easy access and more choices by having to filter a larger number of d-bags than an average does.
The short of it is that the rest of your life is so full of positive, I find it very difficult to empathize with the few negatives that befall you. Especially when those negatives can be directly linked to repeated bad decisions on your part. If you keep dating d-bags, then you need to work on your filtering skills, rather than blame it on being pretty and expecting the world to change for your benefit.
Also, to borrow your word, ‘negging’ happens because it works very well. I cannot tell you the number of times I have cautioned a female friend about an asshole and have her ignore my advice…only to come crying about it 3 weeks later. It’s really pretty easy to deal with a jackass, ignore him. He’ll see you’re not interested and go away…because there ARE plenty of women who will play his game.
on May 8, 2012 - 10:41 am
Alright, that’s well-said. We get more benefits and comparatively fewer disadvantages (coming from the d-bags that want to feed their ego off us) and we simply need to tune better our filtering skills. Fair enough. I think it takes us more time and being really hurt a few times to realize how important filtering skills really are.
on May 8, 2012 - 12:54 pm
I am going to have to completely agree with McThick there:) ….It all lies in the filtering process….Well said McThick!…..:)
on May 13, 2012 - 3:03 pm
I think you’re selling yourself short here. It’s not like you’re not smart enough to figure things out in the same amount of time as other people. Rather, to continue with the metaphor, I think your filter gets ‘clogged’ more frequently. This should not be a surprise since you attract more junk than average people do. When it’s clogged, some junk gets by. Occupational hazard I guess…
on May 13, 2012 - 4:03 pm
When you have a) lots of unsuitable, ill-intentioned people approaching you and b) few good people coming by, we do tend to become more of a dreamer and then are more likely to really go for the first person who seems descent, forgetting the filtering process. I think that’s where they get us…
on May 13, 2012 - 4:48 pm
I also agree with McThick this time. The clogged filter…Yes. Thanks for the insight. Too many horrible men come our way. I spent my youth thinking they liked me for ME, stupidly not understanding the ego challenge I presented and that I was only going to ever be a conquest.
on May 13, 2012 - 5:05 pm
You know what’s interesting though… I didn’t grow up like that. In Bulgaria most women are really beautiful, naturally very thin, dance sensual and dress sexy, wear high heels — that’s the norm — so Bulgarian guys were never mean to beautiful women and treated them like something normal really… It’s only when I lived abroad that things changed and there it’s either a scary thing or an ego thing because you’re a scarce commodity … I dream of a guy with deep-seated confidence and good character who doesn’t think: Oh my god, oh my god, how do I deal with this thing, how do I handle her, how do I act to seem like I’m not very interested? but takes it as: Hi, let me show you what I got.
on May 13, 2012 - 6:01 pm
The whole problem with this issue is that beautiful people are rare, and it doesn’t mean they were bred & raised by beautiful people to teach them the skills to deal with this curse/blessing. And of course, the rest of society is not raised to be secure with themselves and do not know how to maneuver around a person who is beautiful. I personally think we can just blame the competition gene in us. The vicious cycle will remain… I don’t see a change anytime soon. SO FRAK ALL THE HATERS.