As I peruse many blogs daily on the internet there seems to be a very popular theme with marriage and why men won’t commit. The argument is largely one-sided as it is mostly women chiming in on it and hardly men. If you were to go on these blogs and take the testimonies and the feedback from their female commenters, you would think that most men are immature, clueless, or just plain stupid. The reason for this is there doesn’t seem to be much self-reflection from these women when it comes to why their 5+ year relationship hasn’t resulted in a proposal from the guy. While an extremely complex situation, what a lot of women don’t understand is that many times there are underlying issues why you as a great girlfriend is not guaranteed to be a potential wife.

1. You’re already a wife without paperwork
Many women assume that because a guy is of a certain age, has all the assets of a potential husband, and loves her to death, that he will marry her. If she’s lived with a guy for years, has children by him and still loves him, then he has no obligation to rush into marriage. A smart girl will hold the family aspect hostage with the ring as ransom if her guy is even looking for that. If she lets him have all the bonuses of a traditional marriage without promise of vows then why would he drop 5 figures on a ring, ceremony and reception?

2. “You’re a great girlfriend but I would never marry you”
Wouldn’t it be nice if a guy would break this statement out after a few months so that you don’t find out 5 years later? Well are you a listener or are you the type to go nuts and blow him off? Many guys will be afraid to come clean due to expected reactions or the fear of losing out on sleeping with you. Are you prepared to hear the above statement from a man? I think women tend to assume men will change over time. This is a bad assumption. Sometimes you are a “lay-over” girlfriend, a past-time thing until “the one” comes along for your guy. Unfortunately you would never know unless you ask him and he admits it. Sometimes this has nothing to do with you, maybe it’s your racist dad, or the church you continue to attend. The guy will stay polite because he loves you but he would not want to marry into your situation. File this under the great unknown because sex is a great asset and many men will deal with your baggage in order to keep it. The thing is without marriage, he has the option to cut loose and escape your life if things get too hot for him.

3. Pet Peeves go a long way
A woman may be the best thing going for a man but when he thinks of “happily ever after”, she isn’t in the picture. The reason for this could be several things, I know you’re thinking looks, weight, race and other generics but have you considered that while the chemistry rocks she could still be annoying to him. She could have bad habits that are really harsh pet peeves for him to get over – no matter how petty it seems to her. She could exhibit attitudes that he is afraid he won’t be able to deal with for the rest of his life. It could be that she does not communicate well, does not really listen or doesn’t really know him. Maybe he wants children and she has expressed negative feelings about kids and didn’t realize that it was a big deal to him (Brad Pitt syndrome), maybe she’s a messy slob or a clean freak. Name your pet peeve it can halt marriage, trust me.

4. The ghosts of relationships past
I hate to say it and I hate to bring this up, but sometimes your past will never ever die in terms of your relationship. I’m sure some of you have dealt with this before when something that you may or may not have told your boyfriend comes back up periodically, and you just wish to hell that he would forget it and move on. Kim Kardashian has a video tape with her and Ray J doing all sorts of naughty stuff on the internet. You don’t even have to look hard to find it since It’s everywhere. While, a lot of guys admit that Kim is fine as hell they also admit that they couldn’t marry her. Just the thought of Ray J doing her is enough to kill it. She’ll probably have a hard time getting married just off of the strength of this external pressure. So, think about it, if you’re in a long-term relationship and the guy won’t commit and he holds a past occurrence over your head, it may be the reason. Maybe therapy can help, maybe it can’t, but you may want to consider moving on to someone new if this is happening.

5. Ultimatums and the pressure principle
So you’re in a long relationship with a guy that you love and he seems ready to marry you but hasn’t proposed. Years pass and you are happy but unmarried, your 5 point list has 4 checked off but the elusive 5th is waiting on him. If you are at this point the pressure by nosy friends and family is probably killing you even though you have been okay with it. This normally leads to you giving the man an ultimatum, but if you go this route, why would he stay after getting threatened? Especially a man of worth, if you are the type to manipulate for marriage he will see that as a quick read into potential disaster for later. Although some guys will cave – hell the ultimatum may come when he was looking for an extra push to marry you,  if you gamble wrong with a typical guy – he will leave. I, like most guys hate to be pushed and it’s a quick way to run us off in the end. Please no ultimatums.

Ladies the bottom line is the difference in goals and timing. Generally Men go through life dating women until they feel like marrying. Women go into relationships with a goal of getting married. This is a general observation and there are of course exceptions to the rules. So you cannot expect a man to propose unless he is at that point mentally where he’s ready to settle down. When women think of marriage, the image of a happy couple, kids and an SUV come to mind. When men think of marriage we think of handcuffs, harsh alimony and growing old. Blame society for this but we see things very differently, if you can see things from our angle and convince us otherwise, we may lighten up on it.

In the end Dragonettes it’s all about communication, the world does not revolve around you so consider your man’s desires before you lean on him for marriage. You just may not be the one, you will just have to get him to admit it.

Related Posts:

1. 10 Reasons to Dump Your Girlfriend
2. Married People Please Stay in Your Lane
3. Marriage is The New Black
4. 5 Reasons Why She Won’t Call You Back
5. Find Marriage and Love in Online Gaming

Written by Greg Dragon on Thursday, February 4, 2010 
Filed under Married Life, Relationships, The Dating Game · Tagged with assets, assumption, attitude, marriage, obligation, ray j, Relationships, testimonies