Feb 04
As I peruse many blogs daily on the internet there seems to be a very popular theme with marriage and why men won’t commit. The argument is largely one-sided as it is mostly women chiming in on it and hardly men. If you were to go on these blogs and take the testimonies and the feedback from their female commenters, you would think that most men are immature, clueless, or just plain stupid. The reason for this is there doesn’t seem to be much self-reflection from these women when it comes to why their 5+ year relationship hasn’t resulted in a proposal from the guy. While an extremely complex situation, what a lot of women don’t understand is that many times there are underlying issues why you as a great girlfriend is not guaranteed to be a potential wife.
1. You’re already a wife without paperwork
Many women assume that because a guy is of a certain age, has all the assets of a potential husband, and loves her to death, that he will marry her. If she’s lived with a guy for years, has children by him and still loves him, then he has no obligation to rush into marriage. A smart girl will hold the family aspect hostage with the ring as ransom if her guy is even looking for that. If she lets him have all the bonuses of a traditional marriage without promise of vows then why would he drop 5 figures on a ring, ceremony and reception?
2. “You’re a great girlfriend but I would never marry you”
Wouldn’t it be nice if a guy would break this statement out after a few months so that you don’t find out 5 years later? Well are you a listener or are you the type to go nuts and blow him off? Many guys will be afraid to come clean due to expected reactions or the fear of losing out on sleeping with you. Are you prepared to hear the above statement from a man? I think women tend to assume men will change over time. This is a bad assumption. Sometimes you are a “lay-over” girlfriend, a past-time thing until “the one” comes along for your guy. Unfortunately you would never know unless you ask him and he admits it. Sometimes this has nothing to do with you, maybe it’s your racist dad, or the church you continue to attend. The guy will stay polite because he loves you but he would not want to marry into your situation. File this under the great unknown because sex is a great asset and many men will deal with your baggage in order to keep it. The thing is without marriage, he has the option to cut loose and escape your life if things get too hot for him.
3. Pet Peeves go a long way
A woman may be the best thing going for a man but when he thinks of “happily ever after”, she isn’t in the picture. The reason for this could be several things, I know you’re thinking looks, weight, race and other generics but have you considered that while the chemistry rocks she could still be annoying to him. She could have bad habits that are really harsh pet peeves for him to get over – no matter how petty it seems to her. She could exhibit attitudes that he is afraid he won’t be able to deal with for the rest of his life. It could be that she does not communicate well, does not really listen or doesn’t really know him. Maybe he wants children and she has expressed negative feelings about kids and didn’t realize that it was a big deal to him (Brad Pitt syndrome), maybe she’s a messy slob or a clean freak. Name your pet peeve it can halt marriage, trust me.
4. The ghosts of relationships past
I hate to say it and I hate to bring this up, but sometimes your past will never ever die in terms of your relationship. I’m sure some of you have dealt with this before when something that you may or may not have told your boyfriend comes back up periodically, and you just wish to hell that he would forget it and move on. Kim Kardashian has a video tape with her and Ray J doing all sorts of naughty stuff on the internet. You don’t even have to look hard to find it since It’s everywhere. While, a lot of guys admit that Kim is fine as hell they also admit that they couldn’t marry her. Just the thought of Ray J doing her is enough to kill it. She’ll probably have a hard time getting married just off of the strength of this external pressure. So, think about it, if you’re in a long-term relationship and the guy won’t commit and he holds a past occurrence over your head, it may be the reason. Maybe therapy can help, maybe it can’t, but you may want to consider moving on to someone new if this is happening.
5. Ultimatums and the pressure principle
So you’re in a long relationship with a guy that you love and he seems ready to marry you but hasn’t proposed. Years pass and you are happy but unmarried, your 5 point list has 4 checked off but the elusive 5th is waiting on him. If you are at this point the pressure by nosy friends and family is probably killing you even though you have been okay with it. This normally leads to you giving the man an ultimatum, but if you go this route, why would he stay after getting threatened? Especially a man of worth, if you are the type to manipulate for marriage he will see that as a quick read into potential disaster for later. Although some guys will cave – hell the ultimatum may come when he was looking for an extra push to marry you, if you gamble wrong with a typical guy – he will leave. I, like most guys hate to be pushed and it’s a quick way to run us off in the end. Please no ultimatums.
Ladies the bottom line is the difference in goals and timing. Generally Men go through life dating women until they feel like marrying. Women go into relationships with a goal of getting married. This is a general observation and there are of course exceptions to the rules. So you cannot expect a man to propose unless he is at that point mentally where he’s ready to settle down. When women think of marriage, the image of a happy couple, kids and an SUV come to mind. When men think of marriage we think of handcuffs, harsh alimony and growing old. Blame society for this but we see things very differently, if you can see things from our angle and convince us otherwise, we may lighten up on it.
In the end Dragonettes it’s all about communication, the world does not revolve around you so consider your man’s desires before you lean on him for marriage. You just may not be the one, you will just have to get him to admit it.
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on February 10, 2010 - 3:01 pm
Very nice thoughts. I agree with you on the ultimatum and pressure issue.
on July 7, 2011 - 7:34 am
::::Why Men Increasingly Avoid Marriage:::::::
Across the internet, women have begun making statements such as:
Why are men avoiding marriage?
Why do guys avoid commitment?
Being single sucks.
A Carl Weisman study showed American men are increasingly avoiding marriage. In many other countries, like Italy, Spain, Australia and so on, Men fear getting involved in bad marriages with bad wives. This fear is partly driven by the Nazifeminist based anti-husband messages of women’s magazines, TV and writers.
For example, look at those femminine Magazines, many claims their marriage survey shows moms are angry at their husbands “at surprising levels”. They state husbands “often don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids”.
They also claim husbands have “more time to themselves” as compared with moms. Their survey stated 46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Lisa Bain, executive editor of Parenting Magazine said “The truth is if you prick any one of us with a little pin, anger comes out”. Female writers of ABC News and the Associated Press discussed the survey and expressed outrage at husbands.
However, the magazine’s survey completely ignored husbands. No husband was asked anything. His opinions were considered unimportant. His efforts at work were ignored and he was largely unappreciated by his wife, also this trend is the same when someone interview people in the streets, very few men and a lot of women.
Another example: One stay at home mom participating in the survey stated she was angered at her husband (who worked 11 hour days) because he set aside some time one day a week to be an independent music producer – something he enjoyed. Another wife responding to the survey stated though her husband did 60% of the housework plus his job, she was angered she had to ask him to do housework.
Single men wonder why is he doing 60% of the work plus his job. They think:
Why should I get married if my opinions don’t matter?
Why would I want to marry a woman who will be mad at me every week for the rest of my life because I don’t do things her way?
Why is she my boss?
It should also be noted none of the wives in the survey report stated they help their husband with house repairs. Additionally, Glen Sacks stated, according to the Bureau of Labor Statics, men’s time to themselves is a meaningless 1% higher than women’s.
Another example: aMERICAN women’s magazine “Double X”, promotes books where wives cheat on their husbands. The book ‘Prospect Park West’ was promoted with the headline “Mommies Want to Have Sex, Just Not With Their Husbands”.
The book ‘The Seven Year Itch’ was promoted with the question “is it still realistic to expect wives to remain faithful to their husbands?” Conversely Double X continuously criticizes cheating husbands. The feminist notion its acceptable for a wife to cheat but wrong for her husband to be unfaithful has also been promoted by the online women’s magazine Ivillage (though not all its writers agree with this mentality), female writers of the online magazine Askmen and, incredibly, Men’s Health Magazine. Additionally, female reporters of ABCNews & Good Morning America continuously criticize cheating husbands. They refuse to criticize cheating wives.
Single men think:
Why get married if its ok for my wife to cheat but I have to remain faithful?
Why should I give up dating different women to be married to a cheating wife?
Why should I accept abuse?
Many husbands around the world have begun asking these same questions and have begun dumping their cheating wives in increasing numbers. This has given rise to websites such as “Stop Your Divorce in 4weeks” and “Cheatingways”. These sites seek to prevent husbands from divorcing their cheating wives. The 2nd site (owned by a woman) actually encourages wives to cheat on their husbands. It offers wives a wealth of tips on how to deceive and fraud their husband. The site apparently was not founded with this intent but, like most of the countries all over the world, drifted into an anti-husband mentality!
Single men think:
Since marriage means the exploitation of husbands then why the hell should I get married? Do they think I’m stupid?
Lastly, in many countries (e.g: U.S.A, Spain, Italy and so on) divorce laws also cause men to fear marriage.
The feminist judicial system often rules against husbands in divorce. Husband’s are usually ordered to pay large alimony / child support payments to the ex-wife. Some claim the child support payments contain hidden alimony. In many countries, these payments don’t decrease if the ex-wife’s income dramatically increases after the divorce or if she get another man/husband.
Though some wives with high paying jobs have been ordered to pay alimony/child support to their ex-husbands, many judges are reluctant to apply divorce laws equally. Additionally, if the husband later loses his job & fails to continue child support payments, he will be jailed or punished severely!
A husband may also face false accusations of sexual and child abuse during the divorce. In those countries with heavy feminist bureaucracy, the husband will have to prove his innocence while stay in prison.
Some wives will interfere with the husband’s visitation rights to his children. In feminist oriented countries, the courts will do nothing to stop her. And paternity fraud remains legal.
::::::The divorce system is designed to trap men in bad marriages with bad wives.
An increasing number of men in many countries are now reaching the conclusion that being a husband is not worth it. The better deal is to remain single and have a series of relationships with different women while pursuing hobbies and life goals.
Additionally, a college educated single man can have a very good life.
What if everything were reversed.
What if only a husband’s perspective was important in marriage and cheating was only wrong for the wife?
What if the family court system discriminated against wives?
Would women want to become wives to the massive degree they do today?
Doubtful.
By nature, men and women are companions. By Nazifeminism, men and women are now adversaries.
No word of lie, I withness men who was involved with women who would complain if they took the garbage out and put in the wrong trash can. She had two, and they both went out to the curb on Mondays, but if they put it in the can further from the door going outside, there was hell to pay.
Still another would bitch at me for doing my own laundry…the wrong way…meaning “not the way I do my own”.
Guys, you get married and you will always be wrong. Now I understand that these are smallish things over which to get upset, but if you get this kind of treatment for stupid and pointless shit, what kind of treatment can you expect with more important stuff?
Marriage is voluntary slavery for any man. The only joy a wife has is complaining about everything you do, everything you say, and everything you believe. They may not all be ball-busting bull dykes, but they sure as hell think of you as nothing but a child needing her guidance; and a stupid one at that.
Women wonder what happened to all the nice guys. When they say they want someone nice, they mean someone who never rebels, never disagrees, and only talks about what she wants to talk about. Don’t even think about considering yourself a self-realized human being. At best, you are an errant pet. Don’t believe me? Watch how they all spit venom amongst themselves when the men-folk are out of ear shot. It isn’t enough to merely be a decent if flawed man. You have to be “nice”.
::::Men’s reproductive rights? none!
It doesn’t matter if it’s planned or not, NO MALE has any reproductive rights whatsoever.
Meanwhile women have dozens of means of contraception, the right to abort WITHOUT the other parent’s consent, complete control over any male’s reproductive destiny, the right to simply dump babies they don’t want and more.
It’s way past time women were required by law to acquire the father’s consent before proceding with any pregnancy. His involvement in the process should be both voluntary AND consensual.
The only fact is that women have control over every part of the reproductive cycle – from pre-conception via contraceptives, to pregnancy via legalized abortions, and even post-birth via adoption and no penalized abandonment. A woman does not have to be a mother, if she so chooses.
Now let’s look at what reproductive rights men have. They have none!
If a woman gets pregnant, and can easily terminate it or give it away, she can choose to keep it so she can extract money from the man. Conversely, she can choose to kill the unborn baby, even if the man wants it.
So I must disagree with statement that both parties should pay out of wedlock. Until men have equal reproductive rights (funny how women only want equality when it benefits them exclusively), all responsibilities should be solely placed on the woman who chooses to become a parent when she can opt out of it at any time.
Marriage is the biggest source of depression and soul-crushing malaise for men in many countries. Nothing else even comes close.
It is no wonder that the marriage rate is dropping fast everywhere, and that 40% of people say “marriage is obsolete”. Data from the U.K. that has not been cherrypicked to favor marriage shows that men who don’t marry are happier then men in any kind of marriage; And men who never marry have less heart disease than married men now. The old saw about married men “living longer” has also been disproven, with newer, better data.
:::: Divorce: Men are doomed, women wins the pot!
The only certain way to avoid losing the house, children, money, cars, and mental and physical health is not married.
Each strategy, action plan and various precautions that you may take before get married, do not solve two major problems related to marriage in a feminist society like ours.
The first of these two main problems arises when you get married: your wife from that moment, takes the knife by the handle.
The second problem is that in case of separation, in most cases is the man to lose everythings.
Regarding the first problem, your girlfriend just became “wife” is automatically invested by State laws with a great new power that earlier, during the normal relationship, did not have.
It ‘s the power of using blackmail as a weapon in this Feminist State society, that is threatening the separation with everything that goes with it (the second problem).
All the grains of the first problem can manifest itself in countless ways. An example: you have children, you want to send them to private school, your wife, to public school. Discuss, argue, and do not come to a compromise. In the evening, or night, your wife decides to revenge about you in a snake way: she doesn’t make love with you, for days, weeks, sometimes even for mouths.
This weapon, we may name it “sexual blackmail”, she had it also before marriage, but it was fair, since you could oppose the other weapons:
1) I leave you,
2) I go with another woman better than you,
3) I go to prostitutes,
etc.etc.
All these weapons, balancing the relactionship between men and women, now doesn’t works anymore!, well, you still have them but you can potentially backfire yourself!
if you leave it, go with another, go to prostitutes or else your wife could use his new femminist State laws power, which did not had before, and invoke the rules (female), asking for the separation and punish you with everything that goes with it.
During the marriage your wife can do the good and the bad weather, i doesn’t matter how much “land” you have in a marriage, keep in mind that she always rule on the entire playing field, and this one of those situations where the only way to don’t lose, is not to play.
In other words, will you board a plane if you already knows that the chances it may crash is above 70%?? Doubtful.
Do not get married.. We can not and should not entrust our fate to the only “good heart” of the woman you’re set, since for men are missing a number of safeguards that make the marriage the equivalent of Russian roulette (loaded with five bullets..)
Once you become aware of this, we must consider the underlying problems, and before you ask “is convenient for me to get married?” you Would be better to ask yourself “why I want to get marry?”.
For believers, this needs may arise to make the sacrament of marriage. But let me tell you.. does this sacrament make sense in a corrupted society, where the marriage seems to have become an excuse to have joy in the church for a day, have a good time for a week going “honeymoon in the Maldives”, only to dissolve this “sacred link “when you wife decide it’s time to” break free from the chains of marriage (but not from your bank account)?
Is this or not, for believers, a serious insult to the sacrament of marriage?
Just as in a church, used for black prayers and the adoration of the devil should not celebrate prayers, so in a society corrupted by feminist cancer, a church should not be used to clean the traditions that we have only in the outer shell, but within inside is corrupted and decaying.
For non-believers, however, the issue is much simpler, and decide not to marry takes a sense of independence from the increasingly oppressive rule from this NAZIFEMMINIST State laws against men in many countries!
Let me ask you, Why give the State more freedom to enter right into our bedrooms, giving women more options to punish men when she decide that this is right? why let them be the judges of men sentimental/economical life?
This power, which the NAZIFEMMINIST State laws has used and continues to use to transfer money from men’s wallets in women’s pockets, and to widen the freedom of all proportion to the detriment of women than men, now sees its greatest expression in the Marriage!
The only solution, TODAY, is: AVOID MARRIAGE.
If you want to live the experience of married life, you can always experiment with cohabitation, longer or shorter, always provided that they are not made more insidious and misleading laws to equate cohabitation with marriage! talk straight to your partner that you are not ready for marriage and eventually you’ll never be… and if they start to argue with you that you are selfish and you should grow up and get your responsabilities, it means that you should be ready to be enslaved to what they thing is best for you.. so ditch them as soon as you can! if you don’t want to be another bancomat/ATM men with the word “welcome” tatooed in your shoulders, just to remember that you become a new Nazifeminist’s slave!