Deal Breaker: noun.  Any issue or factor that is significant enough to terminate a negotiation.

It could be that she loves pop music and you do not. She loves gourmet meals on a Friday night, but you are content with your Ramen noodles and chicken wings.  You always put things back where you got them from and she is from the school of “I’ll do it later”.  Whatever it is, if you treat it like a serious issue, it can always become a deal breaker.  You have to remember that not all people have the same thought process when it comes to pet peeves and character flaws. Communication is the key to compromise in a relationship rather than breaking the deal.  She may not know that every single time you get inside your car and Pink is blaring through the radio it makes your skin crawl to the point of resentment.

Tell her how you feel
Understand that she may not know that it bothers you so much that she does “that thing” she does. Most women are willing to make a compromise because she knows it irks her man. No need to ask her to stop her habit, but tell her that the habit bothers you and trust me she will make an effort to lessen the times it happens in your presence. My boyfriend happens to be a neat freak and whenever I go to his house, I have to make a conscious effort to keep my belongings from scattering around the place. Not because I want to, but because I know it drives him crazy when things are not in order.

Don’t take it personal
Some people need to be told more than once that their habit is bothersome. Ever notice how she takes weird offense to you trying to beat your new video game like it means you don’t love her anymore and she has been replaced with the game? Same situation switched around.  Don’t take offense to the fact that she hasn’t stopped doing “it”. Chances are is that she just doesn’t realize how much it bothers you and you may need to reiterate it once or twice before she gets the picture.

Be willing yourself to compromise
Trade her an extra two hours of ESPN for a chick flick night of cuddles on the couch.  Yes, endure the 2 hours of “He’s Just Not That Into You”, or, “Why Did I Get Married” if she was able to endure Stuart Scott in the background of her telephone conversation without complaint. It’s a give and take situation and Stuart is just as boring to a woman and Ben Affleck and Tyler Perry are to a man.

What is a bad habit to you may be simply her personality to her.  What she sees as annoying may be your daily activity before she came along.  You can be her yin to your yang, but both of you must be willing to communicate and compromise on those characteristics that drive each other nuts.  Connection deals of the heart should not be broken based on minor issues.   Communication is the key as sometimes total opposites can coexist and stay just that – and attract.

Written by Nia Syrah on Monday, March 1, 2010 

Filed under Married Life, Relationships
Tagged with annoyance, ego, hate, love