Mar 11
Love Me Or Leave Me Alone – Pt. 2
by Guest Author The Marksman
You Took Too Long, Let’s Just Be Friends
“The professional man has time on his side, and he is not going to deviate from his plan just because he sees a pretty face.”
There are only a select few times when a man and woman can be friends even when there is attraction involved – 1. You were co-workers or classmates, 2. You are his friend’s girlfriend, wife or cool ex, 3. You are his cool ex (you broke up as an agreement not out of malice), and finally 4. You are a friend’s family member. If you aren’t in this list of 4 then you cannot be my friend, most guys will 100% co-sign on this point – blank - period. This way there are no illusions on whether I can get in those draws sometime in the near future (which is what most guys will keep you around for) and you have no misgivings on putting me in a glass jar to be broken in case of emergencies.
Love me or leave me alone, remember it ladies, lose that man now and lose him forever. There are hardly any do-overs in the game of life, were it like that the earth would never rotate and we would be land-locked at a stand still of indecision. Choose who you diss, and choose wisely, most of us are done once you let us go. – Greg Dragon.
There are exceptions to every rule and people define friends in different ways, but generally these laws hold true. But very often people take this to another level, and make the mistake of eliminating potential mates for stupid reasons. Everyone has heard of it, the “friend zone” that is mostly used by women. To give a bit of perspective men will only tell a woman he recently met that she is a friend on rare occasions. 1. He isn’t feeling her and wants to be nice, 2. He feels the timing isn’t right and she has potential so he might want to pursue something with her at a later time, 3. The circumstances of the relationship (Distance, Family Situation, etc..) are the only obstacles to both of you getting together.
The method used by women seems to be fairly random and nonsensical, let me give you an example: women will tell a guy he is a friend because he did not lock her up in some undetermined period of time. The worst part about this is once a man has been placed in this box there is no return from this place, once a woman has made this decision somehow she is unable to move the man back to potential mate mode. So why should the man even bother to care after the proclamation has been made?
“I met this young woman and I thought she was perfect for me, but I was dealing with the death of a family member that I did not want to burden someone else with. I kept in contact with her, but limited it the communication so that I would not be categorized as a friend. When I resolved my family issues and felt I was ready to commit to someone, I immediately stepped up my contact with her and increased the interest level, but she told me I was just a friend to her although we hardly knew each other. I asked her to reconsider (something I do not normally do), but she said there was no way she could see me as a potential mate anymore. I was annoyed for a few days, but realized there was nothing I could do about it, oh well her loss.”
-Michael W.
First of all they are not friends, she hardly knows him, but now all of a sudden they’re friends? All of a sudden he is no longer datable when she was feeling him before? This seems like something out of high school, we are adults now the kid games can stop. If women want the professional who handles his business, has the portfolio, and is mentally stable they have to understand that this guy became successful on his own. He made the choices to do the things needed to be successful, and many times that means sacrificing some social aspects of his life, and giving the company a little more of his time than he would like.
Just because you’re nice looking, sexy, and sporting your heels doesn’t mean this guy is going to cut off some of his earnings for you right away. You have to show some interest in him from time to time, just like he has to earn your trust and affection. I am not saying that women need to “court” men, I still believe that duty falls on the fellas, but women need to loosen up a bit and let a guy know they are interested as well. Pick up the phone and call him, return his voice messages in a timely fashion, send him a text out of the blue, all this is done to distinguish yourself from all the other women coming at him.
Don’t make the mistake of listening to your single, married, or longtime hitched friends on this subject! They have nothing to lose, and your relationship plights are entertainment for them since they have long been out of the game. If you like a guy go for the win, you do it in all other aspects of your life, but when it’s decision time for a guy you are into some odd rules hold you back? If someone told you that a woman shouldn’t be partner in a law firm isn’t that going to drive you to make partner and get to where you want despite the critics? Why not go after you man with just as much tenacity and force as you do with the other aspects of your life?
Trust me if you take the time to understand the man and show him your interested in him as well, rather than sticking to your tried and true methods which have landed you mixed results for the last 20+ years, you might be surprised. In many cases the guy is really into the woman, but she just can’t see it. A busy man with everything going for him kept your number and called you after several months have passed. Why would he take the time to do that just to have the door closed before he can reveal his intentions, he knows he has some making up to do because of the communication gap, so you will probably get treated even better.
The professional man has time on his side, and he is not going to deviate from his plan just because he sees a pretty face. If his time is worth $50 /hr every time he puts a woman over his work it can turn into a monetary loss, then if it does not work out or the woman is wasting his time it can be a real detriment to what he has built. Imagine if this happens over and over, at some point the screen goes up and only the ones who distinguish themselves will get through. He has been in the game for a long time, and he has women approaching him every day and has no shortage of dating opportunities. Since one can remember women have wanted men to distinguish themselves from the other suitors isn’t it only right for women to do the same?
- The Marksman
Cross Posted from www.theshootingrange.net
The Dragon Recommends:
Filed under Married Life, Relationships
Tagged with business, friends, girlfriend, glass jar, perspective
OOH AHH SOUND – By Turquoise Jeep Records
A Little Courtesy For Our Celebrity Heroes
Facebook Got You Down? Its Probably Your Fault
Acknowledging Racism Instead of Denying It
Affordable Wines For The Frugal Sophisticate
Okay Serena Williams Did A Rap Song… So What?
My Friends Made Me Stop Talking To Her!
The Top 10 Professional Killers in Movies
on March 11, 2010 - 4:36 pm
This is so very true. It’d be nice if ladies actually began to grasp this concept. On the flipside, guys need to stop fighting the friendzone. I’ve been there. I’ve fought to claw out of friendzone. It won’t happen. If you’re in, you’re in. Close the book and move on.
Also true: I’m quite entertaining for my married friends. I think it’s more that they live vicariously through me instead of just being humored by the madness.
on March 11, 2010 - 10:29 pm
i can dig it…very well written marksman…especially the second to the last paragraph…
however, i will say this: women are different from men when it comes to the hot pursuit and i discuss this with men on a regular basis. men are used to rejection from their old days of hollarin at anything that looked good. in a sense, women have larger egos when it comes to matters of the heart. rejection is not taken very well by a woman and it leaves a bad taste in our mouths. yes, we should show interest. yes, we should flirt and make it known that there is a chance. however, women do not have that thick skin that men have when the interest is not reciprocated. i understand that there can be reasons…very good reasons at that. but sometimes it’s hard to go back on the feeling, especially if there’s a chance u may be rejected a 2nd time.
on March 11, 2010 - 11:50 pm
Thanks for the comments. Trevor unfortunately you are right, closing the book and moving past that person is going to be the best move because once they have put you there even trying to come back gets odd. They change their mind then expect you to know that it’s ok to court them again, but you don’t want to look like you can’t let it go so it just gets even more confusing on both sides. Yes nia, I do understand about the female ego I know it all too well, and before hitting the age of thirty women have it good.
But the older they get the environment changes on them and starts to favor the man, and women for the most part have a hard time adjusting to these changes. I always advocate women to be aggressive in their pursuit and get out of that old way of thinking, all to many times I hear my female friends saying how they don’t want to “give up the advantage” by showing too much when they meet a guy. We are all old enough to be able to handle a little rejection, like you said men have been doing it for years and have gotten used to it.
In a womans case she was never built for it and every time she is rejected it cuts deeper than it does a man, but I urge women to think does it hurt worse to be alone and have more failed suitors for another five years?? Then if you show a guy your interested and he turns into a jackass then you have found out sooner rather than later that he can’t handle a little bit of prosperity and move to the next guy. You just saved yourself weeks of wasted time at that point.
on March 16, 2010 - 7:22 am
Nonsense. I dated a so called “professional” man, who definitely was too busy with his company and money to ever think of keeping touch despite the fact that I made the effort to speak to him every other day. So someone like that is not going to stay very long in my sights, as potential mate material. Besides who says the women don’t have options?
on March 16, 2010 - 3:41 pm
wow..sounds to me like your “professional” guy is not the good man u were hoping him to be. Most “professional” guys still allow themselves to have a life and althouth they are busy, they do make time for a woman they are pursuing.. which is the key word – pursuing…talking to someone every other day is stepping it up a level from pursuit….perhaps u were a little too close for the stage of the relationship? my experience with a “professional” good man is that they do work hard, but they are not workaholics to the point that he ignores a woman. either your “professional” was just not in a position to be available for you when you called every other day, or he’s just not that into u. if u have prospects…take em. but no need to put “professional” guy in a friendzone. that tactic can be skipped all together…
on March 16, 2010 - 4:15 pm
You took the words right out of my mouth nia, I was going to say the same thing with regards to the pursuit dynamic. If you are contacting someone every other day and there is no hint of continued reciprocation then professional man or not he isn’t interested. You served yourself right by moving past him, but the mistake you are making is painting all “professional” men with the same brush.
Trust me I am sure that guy has some woman he is pursuing that gets his time on the regular, and I would even say he is probably contacting her more than she is contacting him. I never said women did not have options, everyone has options, but the question is are they the options that you want? Obviously this guy was an option you wanted badly, something about him did it for you in a major way and it seems you turned him into a conquest.
I am going to urge you to judge each man you meet on his own individual basis. You can’t swear off professional men or any other type of guy based off of a bad experience, because each man is different. I am going to assume you are not going to be satisfied dating a guy who is not on your level financially and mentally. Dating is a game as much as we don’t like it, some play well and some don’t. You can’t be afraid to go for it which in this case you did (and I respect that, most women would not have done that), but you have to also know when to pull back and move on.
on March 17, 2010 - 5:00 am
Nia and Marksman, I laughed when I read this. The same man is now asking me why we didn’t work out. What’s up with that? It’s not rocket science is it?
Look, he’s desirable if you’re into a guy that ignores you for his money, makes dates and breaks them for that money and basically calls a week later and expects to pick things up from where HE’D left off. Even when you’re with him, all he ever talks about is his money.
So I figured since money is his first love, I’d be better off with the oke that was totally interested in being with me and could at least hold and carry a good conversation without flaunting his assets. And no I haven’t written off the professional men, I just wrote off that particular bugger.
on March 17, 2010 - 12:53 pm
Dineo,
Now some more clarity lol. You were his “ego” woman, basically you showed so much interest in him that he started to feel like it was “ALL ABOUT HIM”. He felt his hold on you was so strong that you would always be there, so he did not feel the need to reciprocate your feelings. Yes he sounds much too focused on money which leads me to believe that maybe he doesn’t have as much money as he acts like he does.
People with deep pockets don’t generally flaunt it and talk about it all the time, when you have had money for a long time it is second nature to you much like riding a bicycle. So you would not have a need to talk about it all the time, so you may have dodged a bullet this guy may be working so much and so hard because he is struggling to keep up with a lifestyle. He brings it up when he is around you because he thinks that is what you want to hear, and may be the only thing he has that he can talk intelligently about.
But having you there as an “ego” woman gives him the ability to keep you on the back burner while he pursues other women. The main reason is he feels he has you in his back pocket and at some point when he exhausts all his other options he will come back to you, but that day almost never comes and you stay on the back burner. You threw a wrench in his plans by cutting off communication, and now he is trying to get that status back. You did the write thing writing him off and moving on, now watch him chase you!!