You’ve heard it before, hell every male has heard it before, but in practice you may have tried it and failed miserably. How do you show confidence without coming off as a total douche to the opposite sex? Well if you have to ask, chances are you haven’t been doing well in this department.  Confidence is second nature to a truly confident person, he doesn’t have to “act confident” he “is confident”, it is shown in his walk, his talk and the way he performs in certain situations. So the question then should be, “how do I become confident?”

The Sign of True Confidence
A confident person does not evaluate himself through the eyes of others, he knows he looks good so telling him different will make you look stupid in his eyes, not the opposite. When you look to others to give you confirmation in your life, you end up missing out on relationships that could have made you happy (thinking crap like: “if I date a — girl, everyone will stare at us“). It will also allow you to be controlled by weak people, weak people congregate to make decisions with a gang mentality, if you can step outside of their approval and walk your own path you will show signs of leadership and they will eventually respect you for it. The bonus is, you will look incredibly sexy to the opposite sex.

A confident person is willing to break his comfort zone. This makes the individual seem adventurous, open-minded and brave. At times he will be spontaneous and do or go somewhere so out of his norm that it will seem ridiculous. Too afraid to break your comfort zone? As confident as you may think you are, this shows insecurity and a lack of adventure, sometimes you should just do it regardless of your instincts. (Don’t go as a bitter puss either, smile and do the damn thing and try to have a good time).

A confident person can take a compliment. Do you dismiss compliments as people patronizing you? Do you look down and do the foot thing, embarassed that a chick said you look cute? Learn to take compliments as nothing more than… well compliments. A good exchange would be:
Hot chick: “Hey you, that suit looks awesome on you, you look very handsome”
You: “Thank you, I love this suit, good to know it’s working on me.”
The thing is, you probably associate that response with cockiness but to be cocky is to push fake confidence into people’s faces. A cocky response would be “ya I know I look good“, which only works for some guys. If an already confident guy (in the positive sense) responded that way, it doesn’t seem as bad as an obviously awkward guy trying to be confident by making a cocky statement. That sh-t will make a woman run for the hills.

A confident person can laugh at himself. Taking yourself too seriously lately? That is not a show of toughness or confidence, quite the opposite actually. Let’s say for instance we use the Comedy Club example: You are at a Comedy Club and the main headliner singles you out in the crowd and heckles you. What would the confident person do? Laugh at himself and roll with the punches or get pissed off and sink into his seat? If you watch black comedy, you know this trend well and you see the results of it. If the comedian heckles someone in the crowd and they get a negative reaction it continues, usually a guy that can laugh at himself prompts the comedian to move on to a weaker victim. The same is true in life, if someone sees a weakness in your self image, they will exploit it at your expense.

Everybody’s Human
If you put a woman on a pedestal you have already failed. In your eyes nothing you do will be good enough for her so you will overcompensate. At the same time you don’t want to exactly appear as if you are doing her a favor by “allowing” her to get some of your time. If it helps for you to imagine her taking a crap to make her less of a holy icon to you then imagine it. Do whatever it takes to chill the hell out and stay cool, no woman is all that, no matter what the rest of your unconfident, insecure friends tell you. It takes two to be interested, if you’re in her face, chances are she likes you too. Nothing shows confidence like the right degree of excitement mixed in with aloofness.

Shut The F-ck Up
Women can be vain creatures (notice the politically correct way I stated that, replacing “are” with “can be”… ya I’m slick like that). If you are asked about yourself don’t turn it into a nerd rant about your love for cheese cake and expensive wines. Let her know briefly what you’re into and leave enough mystery in your persona to have her asking for more. Once you’re figured out, you lose a certain amount of interest in her eyes… but at the same time don’t be a brick wall, she will find you shady and scary. Let her run her mouth, ask about her interests, get in on the conversation and talk about the things that you are genuinely interested in. A confident guy can talk about things outside of his box, it will be evident.

So that’s it for now, if you want an example of confidence think of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca… a man who is obviously madly in love with a woman but confident and cool enough to maintain a level head when all hell breaks loose. That is confidence, be like Bogart. A more modern example, although crazy is Captain Jack Sparrow on Pirates of The Carribean, EVERYONE thinks Jack is off his rocker… except Jack. Do people’s view of him stop anything that he does? Hell no, in fact he is so damn confident he almost gets the girl… even though he is a dirty booty-chasing pirate. Remember if you are “trying” to show confidence you will fail, if you practice to be confident in everyday life, it will pay itself off in the long run. Be Jack Sparrow, be you.

Written by Greg Dragon on Monday, January 12, 2009 

Filed under Gangster Shit, The Code of Man
Tagged with cockiness, confidence