I never claim to be a big champion of machismo or “men’s rights” if there is any, but is 2000 really the decade of the metrosexual? Let me explain myself when I use that word, I’m not dissing every guy who gets facials, manicures, pedicures and sports a tight pink shirt with white pants. What I mean is that compared to men of the 80′s -- 90′s the male character in tv shows, movies and even life have change drastically. There are subtle signs of this change, you probably haven’t noticed them but the alpha male is gone from tv. This is a fact that my gym friends and I discuss on occasion (being big, strong alpha male types that we are), the trend hasn’t hurt our love life, but it’s disturbing when you take notice.

Television’s: My Fat Stupid Hubby
It’s already been called out a million times but I’m doing it again. Comedies like Married With Children must have really pissed the tv gods off… the last alpha male I can remember was Red Foreman on That 70′s Show but he was made to look like a close-minded ogre compared to his dumb neighbor, who was shown as “fun” and a “big teddy bear”. One of my favorite shows of all time was King of Queens, I think Carrie is the ultimate alpha female, nuff’ said (I do love me some Carrie though). Doug? Well he’s a loveable teddy bear. I love a strong woman but why can’t a guy be loveable and a man at the same time? The list goes on: Raymond, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, just about any popular tv show in the last few years. It is what it is, give Joey from Friends his own show and of course it tanks… who wants to watch the life of a bachelor, lady-killer right?  (Raises his hand slowly looking around)

Toned not Built
I won’t go into detail, but I will show a comparison. Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Arnold Schwarzenneger (old school) was the past. Clive Owen, Jason Statham, and Daniel Craig is the now. By the way take the steroid argument and go somewhere with it, we all know what’s up. My point is the popularity of a certain body type having changed in the years past. Jason Statham and Daniel Craig workout hard for their bodies, they look natural, they look like they can kick your ass and thank god we have at least a little alpha male representation left with guys like this. The problem is the media uses guys like this to push catchy phrases like “core” or “tone” to fool America’s fatbodies that aside form busting your ass and dieting, there are new super 8-minute techniques to make you sexy. No longer do you have to look like a mighty Mandingo or a Germanic Barbarian, but you can look like that pretty guy who only has 3% bodyfat when his shirt comes off.  Oh, ya he’s also passive aggressive, dotes on his lady but has a bad boy grimace.  Give me a break.

Look No Meatheads In Our Gym!
Whenever I see a gym with the words “Health and Wellness” or any variation of, I assume it’s like SHAPES, meaning it’s catering to the female gym bunny. Why would I, a big 6 foot 2 inch, 245 lb man be working out at a gym that has duumbells that end at 90 lbs? You’re probably thinking “wtf you curl over 50lbs dude?” Think about the alternative exercises that you do with a dumbell, dumbell presses, dumbell flies etc. A big muscular guy would play with those weights. Their benchpress maxes at 225 lbs, again I ask, why would guys who start their bench at 315 lbs etc. want to work out there?  The answer is obvious, you aren’t wanted there. Do you know why? Here’s a video to illustrate why:

Aside from coach popping his buff pecs you get the point, the a-hole meathead attitude. But that’s what people will tell you, the real reason is intimidation. If you are a skinny guy or a fat guy who goes into a gym to workout you could get intimidated when you see a guy with a perfect build rack a full bar with plates. You think “i’ll never look like that guy” so you either give up or you sit and watch his entire workout and walk home feeling like crap. These wellness gyms want you to feel comfortable, they put out a bunch of machines that you will end up using once, they put up huge plasma tvs with MTV on so that you can catch up on “Sweet 16″ or whatever and they flood the floor with treadmills. Funny thing is, their commercials feature the meatheads who are unwelcome, lying to you (the audience)  that they got their perfect build from the 90 lb dumbell gym. They showcase hot women who used to be fat until they got focused, but lie to you that their body came as a result of using the gym’s trainers and treadmill daily. No meatheads, a ton of “New years resolution” memberships and they can collect your money monthly for at least 6 months out of the year.

Aside from the horrific truth of it all, I’m actually fine with this as long as real gyms cater to bodybuilders. Without the bodybuilder, there would be no models to pose for your corner dust collecting Bowflex, Ab Blaster or whatever. Without female fitness experts, there would be no-one to pose for your “we will fix the meals for you” diets and your quick fix pills. Just keep a few gyms available for these people and I’ll be okay with the “No Meatheads allowed” wellness gyms.

Big men aren’t going anywhere
Here’s the thing, as hard as the media and fitness capitalists want to push the cuddly soft, toned man on us, we aren’t going anywhere. We still have our self-image within the clouds and our workout regimen heavy. There are still women who like their guys bigger than them and they would agree, variety is good but if the whole world was to follow television, well that’s a pretty scary thought. The steroid lynchings really rocked the weight lifting world, I have a friend who gets accused of it all the time when he’s just a genetically bigger guy. So I can see why the prejudice has increased for bigger people, but that’s not to say we don’t notice what you’re doing Johnny Media, we all think it’s cute. Me I’ve been watching this trend for a decade, to quote Arnold Schwarzenegger in Pumping Iron “I watch you”.

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Written by Greg Dragon on Friday, January 16, 2009 
Filed under Everyday Life, Fitness Tips, The Code of Man · Tagged with bodybuilding, metrosexuals