If admiring a woman’s body is sexist or misogynistic then I am the lord of all pigs – Greg Dragon.

There comes a time when a man will spot a sexy woman or an okay looking woman with a pert waist and an awesome backside. At this point it is easy to get entranced as the cheeks lift and descend rhythmically and you run into a wall or another person before snapping out of your momentary daze. One of the most embarrassing things is to get caught by a fellow employee or someone’s mom because you were hypnotized by the onion in her form fitting skirt. Well we’ve all been there, we are all guilty of it and many of us have been scarred by an angry recipient of our “wandering eyes”.

Women know when they are sexy, but like breasts, it is still a no-no for us men to ogle them uninvited. Unfair I know guys, I know but like most things in life this is yet another game between the sexes, one that we won’t win for arguing. So to help my brothers out in the world who are about to be victims of the evil eye and the verbal bashing for looking at ass, I offer the methodology to sniping the sexy without getting caught:

Master of The All-Seeing Eye

When checking someone out from the back it is wise to use what I like to call “the all-seeing eye”, this technique requires a space of about 10 yards from the lady with your eye settling roughly around her lower back. The distance will allow for your eyes to drift away quickly when she turns around to see if she’s being checked out. Now where the eyes go after being caught will sum up the way you appear in a matter of seconds. If you look down, you come off as a weirdo – a guy with no self esteem mulling along. If you look to the side you come off as shady, chances are she will assume you were looking at her booty because no-one walks looking off to the side so intently as you are doing. Looking up? Are you serious, like up in the sky up? Caught red handed! Do not look up or down, either give her eye-contact which reads “ya I was checking you out” or do the Dictator Glance.

The Dictator Glance

This is when a woman turns around to see who’s behind her and you take your eyes off of her booty to pretend that you are looking about. The technique is not an obvious ploy at distraction however, it is meant to seem natural. The way to pull off the glance is to look off to the side and work your way to the other side scanning your surroundings. I named it the Dictator Glance because like a Dictator scanning his cheering audience you look from left to right, taking them all in at a glance. When done right she will catch you just in time for it to appear as if you are just innocently walking along. DO NOT avert your gaze when she looks back however, find her eyes and act as if you’ve just noticed her. Most women will quickly keep it moving and if you’re smart you will swap locations and not follow her like an obsessed stalker.

Keep in mind that if you are looking at a woman’s figure 9 times out of 10 she knows. Remember it’s a game and just because she knows it does not mean that you should just chalk it up to common sense and glare at her like a piece of meat. Keep it classy and admire from a distance like a sniper. This is unless you mean to step to her, in that case refrain from glaring and step up to her asap. There’s nothing more hostile than a woman who thinks that she’s being objectified by some perv 10 yards behind her.

Written by Greg Dragon on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 

Filed under Beautiful Birds, Womanology
Tagged with booty, boss, common sense, game, judgment, onion, sexy, stalker