Aug 25

Three men at a bachelor party

Having attended and partially hosted a number of bachelor parties, I have learned that it is very easy to get the groom burned instead of entertained and sent off into the magical world of marriage. Most of the problems that arise from this tradition is due to men behaving badly, and though most of it is avoidable, you will always have an idiot losing his mind and burning everyone in the process.

Selfishness and a spotty memory comes with the alcohol that flows at a bachelor party, so it becomes really easy to forget why you’re there. The bachelor parties that end up being the most successful tend to be the ones where the groom’s true friends are there. Friends who want to make sure that whatever they do, the man is entertained and sent off properly.

Disaster strikes when you have a married guy in the bachelor party that is using the “hush hush” code to violate his vows, or a single guy who uses the bachelor party funds to buy up the bar to impress girls. It is even worse when you find yourself doing something that the groom does not find fun—but the asshole who suggested it loves the hell out of it.

Do not forget why you’re there—it’s for the groom-to-be! But just in case you have a hard time keeping to this, here are three rules to abide by when hosting a bachelor party.

#0 – Shut the hell up. Now, next week, and forever.

Since the good old days when men strove to be “The strong silent type” are long gone, I feel like I need to preface the rules with this little reminder. A bachelor party is not the time to rack up wife points by being a snitch. Shut your mouth and have fun.

#1 – Know the men on the invite list

One of the most important parts of a bachelor party that too often gets overlooked, is the makeup of the party itself. Are all of the guys single? Will the married ones be in trouble if there is an information leak? Is there a mole (a guy that will get on the phone and give his wife a blow by blow of what was going on or who was doing what)?

With this information you can make a list of activities that will send off the groom in proper male fashion, without the added drama of the nosy wife club.

#2 – Check the guy that thinks this is about him

The bachelor party is about the groom, that’s it. It isn’t a competition for the lifelong bachelors to see how much tail they can pull, and it isn’t a “free vacation without the girls”. There will be violators, don’t get me wrong—there always is—but if you see this activity you should put up a reminder. It is about the groom, always.

#3 – Leave Social Media to the experts

If you’re a guy that has zero to very little clue about what belongs on social media, and what can get you fired or divorced, it’s best to leave the picture taking and the live-tweeting alone during a bachelor party. Nothing ruins an event quicker than looking at Instagram after a wild night of shenanigans, only to see the groom getting a kiss on the cheek from a girl hotter than his wife-to-be.

It happens, but if you can get in front of this disaster, make sure you do. One way to cull this activity is to confiscate phones before the drunken club hopping, but if you can’t do that then make it inconvenient for the fool to get you all in trouble.

“Do not forget why you’re there!”

That’s it though, I can make a list of 100 if I was to go through all of the violations that I personally have witnessed during bachelor parties, but they all stem back to lack of control, wife puppetry, or selfishness. Know thyself, know thy brothers, and above all else, guard the groom and make sure that he makes it to the pulpit ready, happy, and void of future-wife drama. That’s it.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.