May 03

man showing off

If you are a man and guilty of any of the following, please report to the nearest Self-Respect Rehabilitation Clinic.

1. Put on their Special Girl Voice

Many men do this without noticing so I won’t be too harsh on you boys. What I am talking about is when a man changes the way he talks when he’s around a woman. Some guys put on the sly, Jake Gyllenhaal sounding voice and others try to sound smooth like a Justin Timberlake or Usher Raymond. Macho guys talk low like Keith David, and some just invent some crap out of thin air.

I wonder if women notice this, especially when the guy gets around other men and his voice is revealed?

2. White Knight

You’re having a heated debate with a woman about whether Subway tastes better on bread or in a wrap when in comes her random beta male buddy to take her side on the topic. The buddy loves his subs on the bread, but his damsel in distress is championing wraps, so he switches modes to score some points (at least this is what he thinks).

Don’t you love guys like this? It doesn’t even matter the situation, he will cancel you out for a woman, because you know… in his mind… women need saving. It is a wonder why they continuously get passed up for sex and relationships unless a woman is in rebound mode.

3. Get wasted on Liquor

Shy men take the aspect of liquid courage to the next level… it’s amazing. What you will find is that out of 10 guys (my own stats here) 2 of them will naturally talk to women while the other 8 will run to the bar to get Merlin to call his dragon to weave a mist. It would be one thing if they got a little tipsy and It loosened their tongue to comfortably engage a woman, but many go way beyond that and embarrass themselves.

4. Lift Weights

You probably see those guys walking around your gym dressed to the nines in their Nike gear with a protein shake in one hand and their mouths doing more of a workout than their bodies. You have to wonder why they are even in there… do they care about their bodies, or do they think chicks dig biceps?

Lifting for chicks is a flawed notion to begin with, plus when you query women on their tastes you find that most of them prefer the semi-skinny guys who do more of the cross-country workouts than members of the #swolelife corps. Leave the Iron to the warriors try-hard, you’re only embarrassing yourself in there.

5. Try to Fight

There are many videos on YouTUBE of wannabe tough guys being put to sleep for playing the badass role around their girlfriends. The best ones normally has the woman running over like “noooooo!” as the loser takes a nap on the pavement after instigating a fight.

I’m sure there is some traditional machismo thing that makes a guy feel the need to do this, but if you can’t fight why even go there?

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  • Alicia Zych

    I will defend these men, solely based on media influences, hero Greek mythology and comics and cartoons, where a man is considered a man if he is tough, tall, solid, well built, confident etc etc. The image of a small percentage of men that every man wishes and aspires to be since childhood.

    Then, I will also add, men who are not all of the above and rather far from, have had women in their lives who have hurt them and let them know it, they are far from what they ‘should’ be.

    Then, we all have different personalities, and upbringings, and environment factors.. We have cultural differences, here in Italy, the men don’t all need to drink to get to a girl, whereas in England and definitely Australia, my experience has been that the drinking culture is absolutely essential for both sexes to get it on.. I know Scandinavians are similar too.

    If the woman has a half a brain, she will see what he is doing, and if she is caring, and has the ‘we are all human beings’ idea, she will let him know softly that there’s no need for impressing and just to be himself.. But it depends on whether the girl can be bothered, and whether she has been hurt in her past.

    It all also depends on effort. I remember I liked a guy because he was so obviously trying to be charming, it was so bad, it was cute. Other times it just bores the hell out of you..

    Anyway it all comes down to ego. Everyone has pride, the next time you get frustrated with someone, just remember nobody is perfect and think how you would feel if you were told something harsh..

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