Jan 11

You’re on a date with a beautiful woman, you’re both having a good time and suddenly the wine gets to her head and she begins to ask really dumb questions. The questions are so off-putting that her beauty fades and you begin to wonder how easily you can ditch her in order to find something else to do for the rest of the night. Have you ever been there? Well below are 5 questions out of the many that women tend to ask and whether to answer them or not, and if so, what to answer them with.

1. How Come You Aren’t Married or Have Any Kids?

The real meaning: (see “Are You Gay”) It’s a loaded and unanswerable question and women love to use it on men who have money, look handsome, and seem fun. The logic is “oh my God, why are you available when so many thirsty women want you!” but the reality is that the thirsty women are also flaky, clueless about what they really want, and can be assholes in their own right.

The answer: You can take the “young hustler” approach and go with the old “I’ve been focusing on my career” answer which comes off to her as white noise so it diffuses the question immediately. If you are adventurous you can put the pressure back on the female race by lying that you have come close to marriage a few times and the woman either cheated on you or some other evil act that leaves you a lonely victim, now luckily dating her.

2. Are You Dating Anybody Else?

The real meaning: Tell me something to make me feel special, are you courting me or am I a number in your list of possibilities.

The answer: This depends on how you gauge the level of like this woman has for you. If you’re the catch (money, power, good looks and charm) then tell her yes, this will make her step it up, give you the booty a bit faster and do what she needs to do to prove herself. If she’s the catch (drop-dead gorgeous, woman of your dreams, diamond in the rough) then tell her no, or stay honest with a twist like “I am finally able to go on dates and I find myself lucky enough to be here with you, I have been trying but I am really hoping that tonight is the beginning of a beautiful thing”. Going strong like that will sober the question’s true intent and gain you some points with a good girl.

3. Are You Gay?

The real meaning: Are you a gay man that wants to marry me to fool the world that you are straight so that you can continue to have sex with ball players at your so-called Poker Parties like that one Law and Order episode?

The answer: Drop that dumb broad fast, she asks THIS on a first date!? This is a popular one with black women due to Oprah Winfrey’s big reveal of J.L. King to the world and his sneaky antics to which he popularized the term “on the down low”. She can get the finger, this garbage has stigmatized every single black male for many years and the dumbest of dumb asses dare stage this question to men who take time out to wine and dine them.  I either don’t answer, or tell her “yes I am gay” – being that I wouldn’t be seeing her after the date anyway (no patience for stupidity).

4. How Much Money Do you Make At Your Job?

The real meaning: It’s her way of finding out whether you will be taking her to fancy restaurants or the local mom and pop during your relationship. It’s also her way of gauging your financial worth for the details needed to brag or whine about you to her girlfriends.

The answer: Make up a large number in the 6-figure range if you think that she’s dumb enough to believe it. If she’s a Capitalist shark who lacks the tact to know not to ask crap like this, then bluntly say “I make enough” and stare at her until It gets uncomfortable. Either way, this is a pretty obvious deal-breaker, do you want a chick that sizes you up by your bank account?

5. Am I The First (Insert Race) Girl You’ve Dated?

The real meaning: While this is an innocent, and naïve way of seeing if you’re a serial fetishist. The fact that you can flip the question back on her, shows a lack of foresight on her part. I mean it’s a legitimate concern, you don’t want to be somebody’s weapon against racist Daddy, or social experiment from a bet but it’s just bad form to go there. A woman that asks this proves one thing, that is, she is quite aware (at a fault) that you both look different, so there’s 100% chance it will come back up in the future.

The answer: Just be honest and gauge her response, it can lead into some pretty good conversation concerning dating preferences and she will show her cards rather quickly if you can reverse it back on her “no, am I the first (insert race) man, you’ve dated?” Women are normally very open about this type of thing and you can read her like a book if she starts talking.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • I was very interested in reading what these five stupid questions were. Now that I’ve read them i can’t say I agree too much with two of the questions in particular. The first one being “Are you gay?” and you stating “the dumbest of dumb asses dare stage this question to men”…Now I can totally agree that this is a bad question on a first date but if we’re talking third and fourth then only thing I can wonder is why would she be asking this question unless a man showed some feminine traits and she was concerned. I don’t believe it is totally fair to label this a dumb question all together. Especially with the fact being that the black community is still not all to comfortable with homosexuality. Coming out of the closet is never easy for anyone and even more difficult being a black man. I can actually speak from personal experience and say that I have asked that very same question only to get the answer “Hell no get out of here” and then later on at the end of our relationship he actually admit to me that he was gay. Should women not look out for these men? Being that majority of men who contract the HIV virus get it through male to male contact this would mean that a lot of women who contract the disease get it from men who’ve more than likely contracted the disease from another man. This is a question I feel is valid on both parts and a man should feel free to ask if she is into women as well. Whether you have freaky intentions or just want a woman who is into a woman it doesn’t make it a dumb question. It is a question of ones sexuality and you are dating. Now for the “Why aren’t you married?” question I don’t agree with the “young hustler” approach all that says to me is you are a player. For the female you’ll probably just push her awayor put yourself at the bottom of her list and you’ve definitely destroyed your chances of getting the draws my opinion.

    • Hi Betty, thanks for reading and your insight but let me show you where I’m coming from with the gay question being stupid. It asserts that all homosexual men (especially black men) are sneaky buggers out to infect women with their nasty diseases. It also assumes that aids is a gay disease which is an old school opinion right up there with it being a white disease and a disease started by green African monkeys. The reason why many of us blacks still get stigmatized as the worst homophobes and bigots alive is due to these types of opinions which at their root cannot be proven one way or another.

      In 2011 with things getting progressively better I would hope that a gay man would not feel the need to carry on a facade by dating a woman that he truly doesn’t like. If he does I am 100% sure that you boldly asking him whether he’s gay or not will not make him turn around and confess to you. If he’s being sneaky, how will asking him change that sneakiness? It won’t all you will end up doing is pissing off a straight man if you bring that question to the table. No man wants to be asked that, gay or straight, if he’s talking to you he would like to think that you would give him the benefit of the doubt.

      Most men who get that question will drop you like a bad habit – I know I would, as it doesn’t seem like a logical question given my explanation AND it is a huge red flag as to what else you have going on in your head in terms of predispositions with men. Most men don’t want any drama and that loaded question only comes from a woman with accusations and possible baggage from a former relationship.

      I know that certain women ask these questions and think them to be logical and innocent but as a man who has dealt with them one way or another I would say those women are not for me and for men who think like me. Ladies reading, if you wonder why a guy stopped calling you, you probably asked one of these 5 questions. Just because they make sense to you does not make them any less offensive than they are.

    • McThick

      If you ask a guy if he’s gay on a date one of two things will happen:
      1) If he’s gay and trying to hide it, he will end the date and never speak with you again.
      2) If he’s not gay, he will end the date and never speak with you again.

      Either way, he’s gone, which is the whole point of this self-sabotage question anyway…now isn’t it?

  • “What is it about the black community that won’t allow black gay men to come out?” “Is it true that these closet cases are spreading HIV/AIDS to black women?” (This is a huge myth, and according to the CDC, it’s the prevalence of intravenous drug use that is to blame.)

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/earnest-winborne/the-down-low-made-me-do-it_b_1022671.html?ir=Black%20Voices

  • I appreciate your elaborate response and I must say you are right in saying when asking such a question chances are you wont get a full blown confession. So that just leaves us females to find out the hard way in which so many of us do and unfortunately for some after marraige and kids. Now about your last comment on the CDC with intravenous drug use being the blame. My intentions of bringing up that topic was not to put blame on anyone or any race or gender. HIV and AIDS is a world wide epidemic that is destroying our people. Africa is riddled with infection and intravenous drug users are most definitely NOT to blame there so not sure where you got these facts????