Aug 07
Minivans and Mobb Deep
by Guest Contributor Niambi Dawn
My life is a contradiction, the most disturbing of which is the fact that I drive a minivan. It’s not even a slick one; you know the ones with televisions, heated seats, automatic doors and real windows everywhere that open. Now, I’m young (enough), and cool (enough) , yet everyday I get behind the wheel of a silver turtle on wheels. While the minivan offers many amenities, such as the ability to tote my kids, without having to strap someone to the trunk, it comes at a steep price. It instantly zaps all my sex appeal. It is the place where my sexiness goes to die. I mean, I don’t have to worry about a carload of creepy dudes rolling up alongside of me trying to holler, but short of that, it provides little comfort. It’s like a magical minivan, that regardless of what I’m wearing or how cute I was in the house, I’m frumpy as soon as I get behind the wheel. It is just ridiculous; I am now to the point, where I’d rather borrow a car than push the Caravan, sport edition or not. That’s a contradiction right there, how can a box on wheels ever be “sporty”? Maybe the sport they were referring to was curling…
In addition to the travesty of turning me into a nun of sorts, it also simultaneously makes me corny. I just don’t feel right blasting The Noisettes in my minivan. It’s more of a smooth jazz car, and I hate smooth jazz. I don’t even think that I can pull off acid jazz in the thing. So, I have resigned myself to listening to the local “grown up” station and usually find myself listening to NPR. Although, I value my driveway moments and love a classic Kool and the Gang song as much as the next person, I want to pull up to the light playing the new hot song, without people looking at me like I’m a crazy old lady. Case in point: The other day my daughters found a cassette recorder and began taping funny family interviews; I was thrilled that they were being creative and using old school methods. My thrill was soon met with sadness, upon realizing that my vehicle was still equipped with a cassette player. Now, Boney James, This American Life and Lionel Richie are even too cool for me, I’m rolling listening to my kids bicker on tape. Imagine the looks I get as I pull up to the light now.
Last week, my breaks started to squeak. So, on top of being morphed into the love child of Pat and Urkel every time I sit in the bugger, I now sound as if I have a hoard of crickets following me. Well, the line had to be drawn somewhere and while cuteness and coolness seem to reign supreme, I had to fork over cash for safety. I dropped the minivan off at the shop and was picked up by my mother in her Volvo station wagon,which has a cassette player. Well damn, at least the silver turtle seats 7 (and has a CD player). Life lesson: Comparison is lethal to contentment, so learn to appreciate what you have.
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Filed under Married Life
Tagged with contradiction, cool, sex appeal Niambi Dawn has written a total of 3 article(s) for us.
From Boy Lover To Pimp King – It’s Magic!
True Happiness Originates Within Yourself
Save Your Money Today To Travel Tomorrow
A Lesson in Manhood from James Brown’s Papa
Being Tall Ain’t So Easy – The Candid Truth
The Reason Why I Have Never Been Called Bougie
Things I Find Sexy – Sundresses
How To Balance Having A Hobby & A Girlfriend
on August 8, 2009 - 5:50 pm
Well,
I don’t feel bad, I also have a cassette in my Lexus. Thanks for allowing me to feel like I am in this centry!!
on August 8, 2009 - 6:56 pm
Wow!!! I was laughing out loud the entire read. You are classic. Keep the Milwaukee chronicles coming!!! I love it! Nice message at the end. I’m really inspired!
on August 9, 2009 - 1:35 am
This is hilarious! I loved the article; I’m going to borrow your life lesson for my new status on fb. I too am looking forward to more articles.
Hey, to some a mini-van is an upgrade. One of my kids really are strapped to the trunk and that’s not sexy either… lol
on August 9, 2009 - 5:27 pm
I love it, it’s so you and cute. The mini van……..I need one but can’t do it. This was hilarious and nice to relate too. Love you.
on August 11, 2009 - 9:40 am
I feel you on the whole Mommy mobile. Thanks for the food for thought, keep them coming.
on August 11, 2009 - 9:42 am
I feel you on the whole Mommy mobile. But just think of those mother who stuff three or more kids in the back of a car and you know that’s not safe.Thanks for sharing, keep the article coming.
on August 13, 2009 - 6:57 pm
Awww, sweetie! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know! LOL A Suburban wouldn’t work? LOL
Thanks for the life lesson!