Jul 18

loving couple outside

When the book, He’s Just Not that Into You by Greg Behrendt hit bookshelves it seemed like it was a much needed dose of reality for some ladies; giving women a glimpse of how men are really seeing you and how many men are simply turned off by certain behaviors.  While also providing women with the harsh truth that when men treat you badly and you forgive him time and again, that we are enabling their shitty treatment of women.

“Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.” – Greg Behrendt

Not getting married or not being proposed to simply will not make the world stop from turning. Finding someone that makes you happy and fits into your world the way that you need them to and you for them does not and will not change if they never marry you. Not getting married does not have to be an issue of lack of commitment. Instead of making women feel like losers or rejects for not having a band with some diamonds to be worn permanently around the third finger of their left hand, we should be looking at the very real reasons why some people are not getting married and some of them are just – well – really good reasons! 

1. You are focusing on your career

In movies and sitcoms this is usually the image that they use to portray high-powered attorneys or fast-tracking CEO’s but really EVERYONE should take the time to decide what they want to do and to be able to focus their energy on attaining their career goals.

2. It just doesn’t make dollars and sense

Weddings are expensive. Bump that, engagement rings are expensive. If the money to get married just isn’t there then getting married shouldn’t be something you do.

3. The paper just doesn’t mean that much to you

For some people, all the hoopla and ceremony of the wedding just doesn’t mean much. If you and your lover know have talked about it and feel that you are as committed as either of you want to be and can spend your time and money into something that you can agree on, no need to cave into the traditional expectations that society – or maybe just some parts of your society anymore – impose upon you.

4. Happy living that single life

You have a close knit group of friends and you are just not jockin’ any one particular guy. You are able to live your life for the here and now, living in the present and taking enjoying all that life has to offer you; girl’s nights, yoga, cooking classes – living your life as your authentic self.

5. Monogamy – Smamogamy

Men aren’t the only ones who shy away from an committed relationships with one person for the rest of their lives. Marriage may put an unrealistic, unhealthy expectation onto yourself that you would be doomed to fail at. Why do that to yourself? If you like to sample the flavors at Baskin Robbins – go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with just being a bachelorette.

6. You are sexually liberated

Enjoying sex and exploring your sexuality is not a crime. Know yourself; enjoy yourself (literally and figuratively)

7. You have “issues” AND chapters

Knowing this and being fully aware of these things before getting deeply enmeshed into a relationship is a strength that you possess and something that you should commend yourself for knowing. Many people enter into relationships, denying all their baggage on the hope that merely by being in the relationship, they will be able to find some of closure or remedy to their issue. Deal with your shit, and then you will be a more fully functioning human being that will be able to enjoy the relationship more fully.  

8. You just don’t wanna

Listen to yourself and don’t let yourself be talked into something that you legitimately do not want to do. That is not to say that one day your feelings and beliefs – wants and desires might or might not change. But for the foreseeable future – you just don’t want to get married. You aren’t intent on making your life mirror a romantic comedy; you just don’t buy into that forever n  ever crap that media and religion would like you to believe. That’s okay. 

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  • Atlanta_Man

    Good points Lulu. It wasnt that long ago that folks would jump right into getting married. I’m glad we’re getting to a point where more people are taking time and being introspective about whether or not it’s the best decision.