Such a cliché to say the nice guys finish last. I have had my share of bad boys and had numerous conversations with my girls about why we go for the bad boy type vs. the nice guy. All have several reasons but it boils down to a few general topics that will give a bit of insight to why women stay with the one who treats them like yesterday’s garbage, but that dude who showers her with compliments and is always there when she needs him is kept in the “glass jar”.

Nice guys tend to have a weak chase game. Most women have an innate need to feel wanted and love being pursued. Nice guys have an approach where they give distance. They do not want to come off as rude or like they just want to get into your pants. This is not a bad thing, as women also love to be respected.  However, there is a fine line between respecting her space and being uninterested. There are very few women who are confident enough to take the initiative and ask him out, and very few of those actually want to take that initiative. This leaves the majority of them waiting for the man to be a man and the courting to take place.  Not sure why, but nice guy either takes too long and she becomes bored or he just doesn’t pull the trigger and misses out. Bad boys, on the other hand, usually have one thing on their mind and even though it’s not a relationship, their lust for the woman shows and they have a knack for masking it with charm and charisma that is easily misread for “he wants me”.  Usually lead by the wrong “head”, the bad boy sees what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it. What happens after that, if he plays his cards right, he gets what he wants, never calls again, and nice guy is the one left listening to the sadness in her voice as she asks “what’s wrong with me?” This brings me to the next issue.

Nice guys are stuck in the “nice guy” circle of life and therefore have a history of “nice guy” rejection. There is usually that chick who has him on deck to give the ego boost necessary to make her feel better when bad boy turns into a jackass.  When he calls her on it (such as “when are you going to give me a chance..you know I would treat you so much better”) she quickly avoids the issue in such a way that spares nice guy’s feelings, but yet keeps them hot for her.  Nice guys are always let down easy due to the fact that, well, who wants to hurt a nice guy?  It’s not that she doesn’t want to be showered with his niceness, it’s just that, well….

Nice guys very seldom have that oh so coveted “swag”.  Women need a bit of extra something to spark their interest, as plain nice guys are a dime a dozen and can become very boring very fast. I have met quite a few plain nice guys in my life and can say that the majority of them had butter spines, were insecure, and would do anything I asked without question. Needless to say, it wasn’t a good look.

Now before anybody gets their boxer briefs in a bundle, let me say this – In the past few months I have been introduced to a pool of nice guys, each with a different type of swag, each with something going for themselves, and each single.  So, ladies…they DO exist.  I just hope that when you run into one of them you don’t mistake him for a “gump” (as in Forrest) and keep walking.  Do you and him a favor and actually allow him to treat you with respect, make your heart smile, and care about your feelings. Give him the time of day and he may actually break you out of that cycle of falling prey to the bad boy prowl, hoping he will one day become that nice guy you deserve to have.

Written by Nia Syrah on Wednesday, August 19, 2009 

Filed under The Code of Man, The Dating Game
Tagged with bad boys, charisma, conversations, ego, nice guys