Aug 05

dinner-with-friends

Many times in the past I have asked married people to stay in their lane when it comes to singles, their dating, and their love lives. The reason for this is the incessant pandering, needling, and urging that married friends tend to do in order to beg their single friends to join the club. Can’t stand to be miserable alone I guess (I kid), but I can count on my hand the number of married couples I know that don’t do this. 

Recently a buddy of mine met a lady that he really liked and since she was posting so many photos of them having a good time together they agreed that flipping dat ‘ol Facebook switch would not be a big deal. A relationship status to match their reality and then all of the guessing by admirers, nosy folks, and well-to-dos would go away. He wanted to do it privately, flip the switch, then keep it moving but with all the changes to the old Facebook lately, he missed out on something and before he knew it the “such-and-such is now in a relationship with such-and-such” was announced. Almost instantly the comments came flooding in: “Congratulations!”, “who is she?”, “I didn’t know!”, “yo I’m gon have jokes now!”, “If you bring her by the crib I know she the one!” and it kept going on and on and on. Pretty soon a few of us were remarking on how the number of likes and comments trumped that of people who get married–insert your speculation on the popularity of marriage dying here–but there was a good reason why his friends-list had erupted. The man had kept this relationship very private.

The Mysterious Single Guy

Have you ever had a single friend who kept his girlfriends away from your clique? His relationship status stays a mystery and he never brings women to your get-togethers. He never talks about his girl, yet when you do see them together it is quite obvious that he is really into her. Does it make you think that maybe he is ashamed of you, or maybe there is something else unspoken why he won’t bring her around? When that person was me my reasoning was always privacy. There is nothing more annoying than bored married people wanting blow by blow of your sexual escapades or your latest date. The husbands looking to live vicariously through my singledom and the “experts” who like to impart their invaluable knowledge on “the game”. Lets not talk about the nosy wife of these guys who gets way too curious for comfort. Sometimes we just want to show up to your house and chill without the 3rd degree.

If as a single guy, you try really hard to find your love and end up dating around, your life becomes a spectacle for nosy people to gush about. “Did you see that tall girl Greg brought to the New Year’s party? She seemed a little uppity right? She’s no good for him.” Or we get the questions on women we want to forget. “Whatever happened to Alison? She was such a sweet girl!?” To this day I have the mom of a friend of mine asking me out loud about a woman I quit seeing over 10 years ago.

Let Single Dogs Lie

Facebook has always been the running stage of the show-off versus the competitive stalker. When a single person continuously shifts his relationship status from single to anything else, it becomes the norm for his friendslist and in time they begin to ignore it. When a super-private, but socially active single person moves the status however it is like the coronation of a king. The woman appears extremely special because to the friends that were shut out it is as if he is shouting his love to the heavens.

This is why my buddy getting a ton more likes and comments than the long-term relationship guy and gal getting married makes sense to me. It is also a reason why you should be careful how you treat your single friends even if they pretend to be laughing with you as you bring up their date as a dinner subject. Nobody likes to be your joke, or your “experiment” to hook your co-worker up with. Sometimes it is best to just accept your single friend and leave his relationship status out of it.

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  • Atlanta_Man

    I keep my dating life private too, more because I have female friends who gush on Facebook about the ‘great guy’ they’ve met, change their relationship status, and weeks later, after the ‘relationship’ flames out, they are non-stop posting about how the ‘great guy’ is now a loser (it’s always they’ve been lied to– never because THEY are a psycho).

    I don’t want to be that person.

    Best to leave it alone unless you know for sure you really like someone so you don’t look like a psycho.

  • Antonio M. Daniels

    Often, when private individuals make revelations such as the one you explained in your article, the significant response that those revelations garner result from those who are very public about their lives feeling that the private individuals have somehow entered into their territory, becoming just like one of them. This is often untrue, of course, but it signals how nosy many ultra-public people are (as you indicated). I’m an open book but there are many things that I feel are not wise to share in certain public forums, and I’m certainly not a nosy person; I don’t even have time to be nosy.

    This situation also speaks to something that I’m seeing happening in social media, including Facebook, where people will “Like” and/or “Retweet” some of the most mundane things that shouldn’t even receive a “Like” or “Retweet.” For example, a person can post a Facebook status that reads as follows: “getting ready to hit up these malls,” and receive 25 or more likes. Is that really worthy of a “Like”? I don’t think so. Lol!

    • “becoming just like one of them” – Wow I never thought about this and it would make sense given the general attitude that Facebook is becoming boring and “nobody posts anymore”. It would be uncharted territory for them and I can see that causing some excitement.