Sep 25


If you had to choose between marriage to a great partner and success with freedom to go and do whatever you feel, which would you choose? This is all hypothetical so I want you to drop the defensive mindset that makes you want to argue that the two can coincide. Which of these realities would be the most important to your life?

I felt the need to ask this after I took note of the amount of divorces I see happening because one partner is an ambitious berserker, while the other wants to have the traditional middle class lifestyle. Nobody wants to be the one waiting, but at the same time, if you are a person who pushes for a greater quality of life, you may not realize that you have someone waiting. It’s a difficult situation for both parties and it comes down to a lack of understanding when it comes to goals, pressure from the outside world, and alienation.

We should not pretend to understand people who are so much different from us. Many people don’t even acknowledge the difference. Consider how different people’s opinion can be about something as universal as money:

Person A: Money causes problems, is given to lucky people who are born into it and hoarded by the greedy. Rich people should give most of their money away.

Person B: I need more money so that I can have all of the things in life that I’ve always wanted. Hard work and smart work will get me there; I just need to stay focused to get it.

Can you imagine persons A and B marrying? It happens all the time, and most of the time it leads to disaster. When it comes to money and our deepest feelings on it, you can see why certain couples stand the test of time over others. Both partners would not need to be bull horned hustlers to love one another, but if Partner A was hype about getting to the next level financially, he/she would have more patience for Partner B’s hard work and constant pushing.

Choose Wisely…

So what would you give up if you couldn’t mix love and ambition? What if you looked at your life right now and realized that your lover was holding you back from reaching the biggest goal in your life? Many men and women put wife/husband as a goal, so the question is legitimate. Which is more important?

Many won’t be able to see clearly the question that I am asking because the beta way of life in their minds is all there is. Anyone who steps outside of the status quo is a rebellious, selfish, weirdo and loving them is a mistake. On the other hand the grinder will see the love choice as a romantic’s worthless life of dreams that leads down a sad road of barely getting by, student loans, and lifelong debt.

This is what makes this question so interesting. There are many ways to go about life but sometimes we are so far on one side that compromising reality to fit in someone else on the other end is just impossible. Men marry ambitious women only to be pissed that she is doing well in her career and not wanting to be pregnant just yet. Women marry ambitious men and complaint to their girlfriends that he is always working. On the flip side, how many blogs have you read about spouses who wish that their wives or husband would get a better job? Oh ya, it’s very important.

So sit back and think about your life and where it is going. If you had to make a hard choice of spouse with a menial, ordinary life or single with financial freedom, which would it be? I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

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  • Tough question…you know both are a type of energy that most feed off except that love is dependant on another and therefore riskier. Its much more longlasting for one to extract energy from within (ambition) and healthier. Love throws so many expectations on another. Most ambitious people embrace failure. People in love abhor it and will do anything to maintain a worthless relationship. Ambition is more permanent because its embedded. Love for a person is adopted. They say men and women lie and numbers never do. Love is unstable bc of emotions. Ambition has the emotion of passion which can either fog ones judgement or propel one. Didn’t answer the question but seems as if ambition is more productive use of one’s time and can be just as rewarding (inner satisfaction,meaning and monetary) and probably more so because it only needs itself. It feeds off its self produced energy. Ambition IS self-love, valuing one’s ability and worth and being recognized monetarily. There’s a saying you cannot love another unless you love yourself and most people in love do not carry the daily lifestyle of loving themselves and keep perpetuating damaging relationships of low self esteem. We could learn from ambition.

  • AriD2385

    Wow, you definitely ask all the right questions…not just in this article, but in others too. People say that “opposites attract,” but it seems like people should be on the same page about what is important in life. The line about a life of just getting by, student loans and debt really struck me because there are definitely people OK (or at least complacent) with just getting by and others who are stressed out by tight margins and stagnant opportunity.

    I guess for me, love and ambition would not be pitted against one another because falling in love with someone would require seeing a brighter future with them; and guaranteed financial struggle is not brighter, at least not to me!