Nov 25


One of the most common stereotypes that women get plagued with is the notion that complaining is happiness. Another one is that a woman is never truly happy with a man, even if he is the drama-free type that gives her the world. These stereotypes come from a root of confusion, negativity, and oversimplification when it comes to communication, or should I say lack thereof between the sexes.

The very popular backlash against approaching women in public has become deafening on the web. At the same time we have another loud cry for men to take it old school and approach women to court them face-to-face. If you aren’t already shaking your head at the paradox, I would urge you to read the first two sentences of the paragraph again. Men are being asked to stay away from women in public, but at the same time they are asked to approach women in public to start courting them.

“many women assume that we are well-behaved rapists”

For most men out there, the answer to this confusion (approach or avoid) is simply to move past it and talk to women through more convenient means. These convenient means are the devil however for women in the dating world because they liked it better when a guy couldn’t just “stop texting” when the interest level dropped.

So what is so bad about kicking game in public?

Well if you are a man reading, you have to realize that many women assume that we are well-behaved rapists who shouldn’t be provoked. I am not making light of the terrible act of rape, or the victims that have suffered for it, but modern culture trains women to assume that men will rape. Even men of a certain type believe this. Can you imagine walking around with the thought that at any moment another man can catch you, bend you over and rape you? Seems pretty damn traumatizing to me; so you can imagine how many women feel when you wink at them or smile. I have said it many times on here, the modern age is not friendly to males.

On the other end of the spectrum you have traditional girls who don’t assume every man will rape, so they actually feel flattered when a guy–read: guy that they find attractive and looks successful–shows some interest. These women brag to their friends (or on blogs) about how Mr. Suave swooped in with his game on tight and made her feel like a catch from a 1940’s era romance. This makes her friends (who only seem to meet guys who want to text or have play dates) feel a little slighted by the male populace for not going the extra mile like Suave did. So they in turn complain that “there are no real men left”.

Oh how we complicate thing s based on individual preconceived biases…

Can we find common ground?


What is A man to do?

I’m not very positive about this paradox going away. Generation Z and younger are doomed for dating. You generation of men have prospects that are as diverse as they are confusing, so no matter what angle you choose you will be vilified eventually. The first half of your “courtship” will be proving that you aren’t a rapist and the second half will be you playing some odd juggle of part-time bad boy, and part time Beta male. It’s hard out there for you boys and I feel your pain. It is why the only thing you can manage to do is to be yourself, and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Brown nosing isn’t worth it.

Use your conventional methods and do not be shamed into “playing old school” for the handful of traditional women that desire it. Your humble attempt at street game to get a prospect is not worth the anger that will be volleyed back at you for giving compliments. Find your worth, love yourself, and when you find a good woman that respects your masculinity and doesn’t confuse you, she will actually deserve your love.

Love yourself and define who you are to the world, men, for it is not for us to figure women out; it is for us to give a level of respect and ask for some in return. There’s no paradox there.

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  • Coracreates

    Greg – this article is both insightful and amusing. This comment about how women assume that most men are well-behaved rapists…wow!!! The tragic thing is – I can relate to what you are saying and I think you are right. So, I am in my very early 30s and live in a fairly diverse city. It is strange here for me – as I rarely get asked out or hit on or approached. Except – at lovely Walmart – there I am greeted boldly by men who seem to invade my space, whistle or attempt to get my number while almost preteen kid is in stow wondering why I am being “stalked.” But, that doesn’t happen all the time. Those men can yell to me or just bluntly say something to me – and it is both a little awkward and endearing. Those are the guys I think of when you say women think of men as well-behaved rapists. I’ve met other guys who clearly just wanted one thing – and I also think of them that way. I think they are just too forceful in their approach. It can be flattering but I won’t go out with someone like that.

    If a guy were to just ‘take it easy’ and casually joke around with me in the store to strike something up – that would be ideal. I find it really strange and I’m not sure if you have ever investigated or written anything about this – but when I travel I am approached by men way more. I rarely get asked out here in my city – just a few whistles or comments. And, I recently traveled to Nevada and people were chatting up a storm – really nice guys who couldn’t care less I had a child with me. I had such a good conversation with this guy who sat next to my son and I on the plane – even though he was about 7 yrs younger – that he asked my son and I out to lunch. I’m so used to being more secluded and people are less open where i live – I love the free-spirited attitude of the guys when we were in Nevada – it was fun….I like it if a guy is respectful and can approach/ask a woman out. life is too short – just do it!

  • Tabykatt

    “Shamed into playing old-school for the handful of women who want that?”
    Really? Is it too much to ask for that a man be a gentleman? That a man has integrity and class? Sorry, not all women want a street thug that thinks he’s God’s gift to women, nor do we have to have the best looking or a wealthy man. Some women care about the things that really matter. Character, integrity and someone who wants to enjoy life and live it to the fullest of their ability is what I’m looking for.

    It’s a Pity that some men think that they’re being shamed by conducting themselves old school. That’s what our parents taught us to look for in a man. That is what our fathers were before our eyes as we grew up. So naturally, just as the saying goes “women are more likely to pick men who are like their fathers.”