The answer of course is no, its a stupid question but one that holds merit. The amount of attention being placed on black women whether negative or positive have skewed many mens’ thinking into the realm of “high maintenance”. The blogs written by men and women about the black woman’s place in the United States mention many things but it isn’t just the blogs that are the problem, it’s their commentary. You comb the articles of MadameNoire.com, TheFreshXpress.com, Blackvoices.com and any other space dedicated to blackness and you will find that every other entry is about black women and their struggle for beauty and dealing with us “worthless” black men. The blogs bring about a bias from the male brain where you can get to a point of “damn this is too much”. When an explanation of an issue becomes 100 explanations of the same issue it becomes a very loud question.
This is a serious question based solely on what I see as a man who reads what is offered to me daily by many different authors of varying races, genders and backgrounds. There comes a point when a cry for help ceases to garner the will to assist but instead attracts the worse kind of attention. Last year there were so many back women who capitalized hardcore on the “rich, successful and single” meme that the non-black corners of my little world began to ask me questions about it. I could not avoid the “plight of the black woman” even if I tried to. My one saving grace is having black women in my life that are sweet, patient reminders of the reality versus the things I was reading from people in the commentary. It made me wonder… what about the men who don’t have the luxury of people like my mom and girlfriend? I can imagine the image of that woman conjured up from all of these articles and even I would not touch her with a 10-ft pole.
The Image of The Black Woman Based on Blogs & The Media:
She is an elitist, power-driven feminist who wants the world to not only accept her but acknowledge her beauty as superior over all races. Her man must accept her for everything, this includes whatever hairstyle she fancies, her choice to cook and clean or to have him do it; he must find a way to outdo her already impressive Corporate climb whether it be by money or power. She is brown-skinned or dark (not bi-racial or multi-racial identifying black) because her beauty is not of the “European standard”, she is strong – whatever she defines the word to mean that day, AND she and only she decides what the word feminine means. She didn’t have her father around because he was a deadbeat loser who fathered 20 others, so her man must not only show her what a man can do but convince her that he isn’t all like her father. Her mate must be a pious, upstanding man, and marry her within a decent amount of time so that they can build a black empire together… I am tired of typing this mess.
That image – as asinine as it reads is not a Greg Dragon construct, it is the image that all of these blogs by good women and bitter women alike have placed into the brains of all men reading. That woman in the above paragraph is way too much for any man. Which man wants to compete with a chick for money, power and respect, all while trying to convince her that he’s nothing like her horrible father? I know I sure as hell don’t. But this illusion is what you’re up against black woman, now that everyone has decided to commit the struggle to blog spaces, news media and podcasts. Not all of us are blessed with having one of you around to normalize that loud scream for acceptance into words that make sense.
Advice to Men
If you love women, all women, as I do, you will not exclude a set due to the poison that you’ve read on a blog or ezine. ALL women are varied, beautiful and complex in their own right and while a black woman may have that extra working against her, you should not generalize or place her under the umbrella that these bloggers have handed you. Spit game and judge for yourself, ignore all of this noise on the internet and out of the mouth of hosts on CNN. If we keep listening we will start to become corrupted and miss out on a loving Angela Bassett, Regina King or Michelle Obama in our life. On the flip side the bitter women who tell you that your lusting for a Bing Bing Li, a Jennifer Lopez, a Zoe Saldana, or a Jaime Pressly is you being a weak pawn of “European standards” are doing nothing but applying salt to your game in hopes of your palate becoming discriminatory. Don’t fall for the okey doke, love who you love, you owe no-one an explanation.
So in conclusion I urge all men that have asked the title question to ignore the blogs, The Basketball Wives and all of the idiotic buffoonery painting a sad picture of black women and find, engage and befriend some on your own. We are all individuals from different experiences and you will find that the monolith that is “the black female” is a damn lie created by people that you probably would never listen to if you knew them in life.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.