Mar 20

Beautiful black woman with an afro reading a magazine.

It is important to take your time when getting to know someone. A lot of people get excited when they meet someone and they call their friends talking about how they met “the one” for them after only knowing the person for a week or two. The problem with this is the other person may not be feeling you in the same way, and while you think they are Mr. Right, they may be thinking that you are Mrs. Right Now. For that it is important to put infatuation aside, and temper your enthusiasm as much as possible in the early stages.

Women on average are more emotional than men; this can be a troubling situation for both men and women because of infatuation, which can lead people to do irrational things. This can be more dangerous for women because men typically take longer to open themselves up and reveal their emotions than women do. What usually ends up happening is a woman meets a guy, he sweeps her off her feet and after the first few dates she thinks he is Mr. Right. The guy on the other hand is just prodding along feeling like he just met a nice woman, but for the most part is not even thinking about if she is Mrs. Right.

I don’t want to sound cynical or jaded but I believe that people who are looking for love will find it at some point, BUT it may be a complicated process. Whirlwind romances seem to be common and popular, but as we get older we realize that the high that we get from those few weeks of love, is not worth it when things start to sour. The first few months of knowing someone is a time of illusions and smoke screens; instead of seeing the person objectively, we see them for who we want them to be. Our object of desire is laden with fantasies and projections.

You can not put a time limit on how long it will take to strip away the layers and start to see a person for who they really are. For every person it is different, and some people take longer to open up than others. The reason that taking your time and tempering your emotions is the best advice, is because it gives you time to see any signs that person may give off. You may notice some things about them as time goes on that you are not really fond of, and you will be much better served to take your time than jumping in full force when you don’t even know the person that well.

I can’t even count the amount of times that I have dated someone and days or even weeks later found out there was something seriously messed up about them. The more and less obvious discoveries about another are made in that time when you are getting to know them. That’s stuff you need to know before you move forward; what if they don’t like to take a shower every day? What if they have 12 children out there that you don’t know about yet? Wouldn’t those be deal breakers?

Another benefit to taking your time to get to know someone is that it gives you enough time to see if the new person in your life is consistent. Do they call when they say they’re going to? Do they cancel dates? Do they even have time for dates? Do they want to hang out once a week or six times a week and does that mesh with what you want? How do they treat you after a month? Any major disagreements on fundamental things? How do they behave in different situations?

These are all questions you won’t be able to answer until it is too late if you let your infatuation with a new love interest get the best of you. Take your time and don’t feel like you have to “lock the person up” before someone else… if they really want to build something with you then it will work itself out.

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