I’m sick of short guys complaining all the time as if we tall people were born lucky and have it much easier in the world than they do. The fact of the matter is the only real complaint that a short guy has is with the importance that women have placed on height! The only reason that we get dates any easier is due to the invention of the high-heel shoe; the heel adds 2, 3, 4, hell sometimes 6 inches to a woman’s height and since they never want to be the tall one – well do the math. There is your complaint.
Let me explain to you some of the reasons why being tall sucks, everyone has their issues but tall isn’t automatically a win. First off, I am 6’2” and that’s tall but it isn’t extremely tall – so I can only imagine the hell that guys who are taller go through with their height. Let me ask you this short guy…
How does it feel to actually sit comfortably in an airplane?
Think about that for a second. Imagine if every time you sat on an airplane you had to have your knees jammed into the back of the seat in front of you for the entire 2-4hr flight.
How about commuting in a car… Lose out on the shotgun and again you have a seat jammed into your knees for the duration of the ride.
I wonder how it feels to walk into a department store looking for pants and being able to actually find my size. It must be really great knowing that the brand and color is all you have to worry about outside of trying to find the single solitary 34” length pant in the rack of 50. Let’s not even get into dress shirts… it’s not even funny.
The irony of the tall vs short thing is that this world is not meant for us tall people – it was built for shorter guys. Why is this? Why do you make cars compact, seating so tight, and ceilings so low yet praise us for our height? Try having to stand in a bus when all the seats are taken as a tall guy, we constantly have a pain in our neck from bending over to avoid our head hitting something.
As a tall person there are many cars that I will never ever have the luxury of driving due to their tiny, compact size. What if I loved racing and driving little rat cars like the Mazda Miata? Let me tell you something, I drove one before and it was a journey of pain nearly resulting in an accident. At my height I cannot fit into any vehicle near that size of sports car.
Always The Villain
Tall people are always the villains; we’re Goliath, we are Ivan Drago, Darth Vader, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Jaws, Bill “The Butcher” Cutting. Do you know why we are always the villain? I’ll tell you why; everyone has that image in their head of a fight, where you have a short guy vs a tall guy and they think of Bruce Lee taking on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in Game of Death. The short guy in our minds is always the underdog – think Tyrion Lannister from HBO’s Game of Thrones.
See tall people are always villains, which may be another part of our sex-appeal to women being that everybody does love a villain… hmm women, I guess that makes it alright huh? Hell even Vader had Natalie Portman.
One final example of why tall isn’t “all that”, is the fact that being tall automatically comes with the stereotype that you are good at sports. Ask any tall non-athletic person about the hell they went through in High School when they got question after question about basketball, football or anything. I can even go one step farther, try being tall AND black – whew, let me tell you – the questioning gets old.
Yes being tall means you aren’t allowed to suck at sports, it’s like God gave you this gift and height and how dare you not use it to be great you worthless, tall bastard!
So the next time you are feeling salty about your height and you want to cry about some chick who wouldn’t date you because she stands an inch over you in heels; just go into your closet and pull out those pants that you found easily the last time you went shopping. Hop into your brand new sports car, take it to the airport and fly comfortably to see your family and appreciate the fact that you are allowed to suck at sports and that you will easily fit into this world no matter where you go.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.