Jun 19

couple in bed bored

Years ago whenever I would hear my son declare “ I am bored!” I would cringe. They would even critique certain events, movies etc.  as “B-O-R-I-N-G” and I knew that was a definite thumb’s down. Right on cue I can remember my mothers favorite mantra,“The devil finds work for idle hands to do!”” Huuuuuuh! So with all these memories swirling in my mind, the year I took my two sons and two of their friends to Jamaica for a week’s vacation, I was hell bent on keeping four pairs of hands and feet so busy having fun, I would never hear the dreaded words, “I am bored!” and I did!

Sadly, this malady is not limited to teenagers. So many of us as adults are bitten with the bored bug and its symptoms spill over into us being bored with life, bored with the job, bored with the car, bored with the gym, bored with food, and yes! Oh my goodness – bored with your partners!!! How can that be??? Remember when you first met and you could not get enough of each other? So how does it come to this?

It would appear for kids boredom is lack of stuff to do, while with adults it is the result of being disillusioned by predictability. Just as in the case of kids, this spells trouble for the adult. Isn’t this one of the underlying excuses for infidelity in marriages? Isn’t this the cause of the catch-all “Irreconcilable Differences” in divorce decrees, the cause for the “Sugar” in sugar daddies and sugar babies,  and the popular ads of “Married Women Looking for Men”, and “Lonely Housewives”?

Well, we will all agree that new love is often exciting, spontaneous, and unpredictable. And that is what keeps us coming back for more. So when life gets in the way of our relationships, we tend to settle in a mundane rut as we take care of life’s responsibilities. Coming home to kids and making dinner after a long frustrating day on the job is certainly no precursor for spontaneous one hour love making session with your man. Being worried about the debt that is outgrowing your income will not make your man look at your beautiful hairstyle and whisk you off to dinner.

All such things tend to mar the perspective, and life’s lenses are no longer rose-colored but red. The result – our warped perception becomes our new truth and reality. So if you are bored in your marriage or relationship, just back up waaaaaaay back to when you first met your love, and remember all the things that used to vibrate your spirit then.

  • First work on your perspective of life.  Ninety percent of life’s success is about our attitude. It begins with you because you cannot wait around for the other person to change. Therefore, finding a reason to be excited about life have a way of helping us to set your priorities in the best order.
  • Kick monotomy to the curve. Everything takes effort but the payoffs are a hell of a mood booster and pays big dividends.  Be unpredictable. Step into the shower with your honey, rather than retiring to bed – as usual. A lack luster sex life is a set up for boredom.
  • And finally, a relationship has to be nurtured. Operating from strength based position ensures that you will err on the side of the positives and strengths of your sweetheart rather than drying out the soil of your relationship with criticisms and fault-finding  Create your own happiness rather  than sit around waiting for your partner to deliver, and then share.

Live Well, Love much, Laugh Often.

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  • People get into relationships and get lazy. And when its not fun anymore they are ready to move on to the next thing. Relationships are alot of work and no they wont always be fun and happy but they should be for the most part.

    • Hi Na Taya,
      You are dead on. I even hear the comment, “A marriage license should be like a drivers license with an expiration date’. I don’t see anyone opting out of having a drivers license. It is a privilege that provides a certain amount of autonomy in our adult lives. In the same manner, a lot of folks get up and go to jobs they hate everyday, and work at it. Why not give the same effort to a relationship that’s worth it! Thanks for your comment.