Sep 18

friends laughing

Despite what standard culture will have you believe, It is not impossible to become friends with your former lover.

Many believe that because you had sex with somebody in the past, there’s no way you’ll be able to be friends with them once the connection is over. It really all depends on the individuals involved; if your ex is immature and will use the friendly relationship as some way to “hold on” to your previous relationship – then of course it might not be a good plan to keep them around.

Life is too short to hold grudges and it seems absurd to exclude someone from your life that you cared about and had great times with. They probably understand you more than anyone else, and beyond the physical attraction, is a really good friend.

You made a conscious choice to make this person a partner; consider the time put in for that relationship to grow; time is exactly what is necessary to allow that relationship to become a friendship. Breakups, no matter how quickly we may want them to end, are never really a complete separation from the other person.

I know plenty of people, who were never in an official relationship, (but bumped uglies) still being friends after the fact. So the next time your real relationship ends, do not feel as if you have to cut that person out of your life.

If you ask most people about this topic – they will say that it is a bad idea and that in only rare occasions it will work. I disagree with that wholeheartedly; if one of the people involved is immature and has to try to make it physical when they are around the other person then you cannot do it – of course. But if the conditions are right it is very easy to do.

Before friendship can be secured, it must be a mutual agreement upon which no conditions or ties to the previous relationship are held. Clinging to the past, however memorable and precious it seems, rarely leads to real closure in the relationship. If anything, it breeds distrust as it forces you to question the motives of your ex… or even worse the chance that you have a sexual encounter behind your current lover’s back!

We tend to forget that relationships between two people is a bond that can become lifelong. It can be a dilemma because you probably became involved with the person because of your ability to communicate and the similarities you have in a variety of areas. The question will come up at some point during a breakup and we are all faced with answering it.

What you must come to terms with is the positives with keeping that person around weighed against the negative. If the positives win out with positive colors then why not give it a try? It just takes two mature individuals who can handle the situation and most importantly a respectful ex-mate that is not trying to make things more than what they are. 

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