Look ladies and gentlemen, if you are with a new love that makes you feel like a million bucks all at the expense of your child then you need to wake up and realize that you are being selfish. While it’s important that you take care of your happiness along with your child’s during his/her 18 year stint in your home, it is still important that the child is happy. I’ve seen it from I was a shorty, single women moving in assholes on their children in hopes that the two will warm up to one another in time. Let me be completely honest with you, many guys will NEVER warm up to your children based off the fact that they aren’t of his seed. Hell he may end up treating his own flesh/blood like shit while keeping you up on that golden pedestal, is that worth your child’s sanity?
I want to meet your kid
Early in the relationship with a guy (as in the 1st date) you should let him know that you have a child. When things start to get serious you should check whether he is at all interested in your child ie: asking about him/her, saying he’d like to meet him/her or just showing interest. If this isn’t the case then you are going to have a problem once you try to play house with him. I still don’t get how women let strange guys meet their kids when all they are doing is having sex but to each her own. Just let me warn you that if you ever want a child to realistically respect the man in your life, you will need to make sure that their first meeting is an event and that he isn’t seen as the guy who comes in late and is never there when they wake up. Single moms, you need to check yourselves on this.
He’s a great father but not to my child
My brother’s father was in our lives as a mainstay and I was the bastard child of some dude that I never met. This sonofabitch never let me live it down, I was about 8-9 yet I remember it like it was yesterday (this some 25 years later). Imagine me as your son, having those memories, I have zero love for my brother’s father and I can only say that about a handful of people. The warning signs were there from the beginning, I was disallowed from going to movies, parks etc. that he would take my brother to and I was treated as an other. In contrast there was another man who came into our lives, forced us to like him and assumed we spawned from his seed as if it was true. This man for all his faults showed me how I should act as a man when your love’s children are involved. Unfortunately he and now myself are a rarity, many men will other your child and create a rift in between them and yourself when it comes to picking sides. You should not keep men like this in your life.
The worst thing you can do is marry him
Do not marry men who aren’t involved with your children’s lives. The ideal step-father is in the thinking that he is the father you either “should have had but do” or “I have two great fathers a stepfather and a biological father”. Anything outside of that thinking is a detriment to your child and you would be better off keeping that guys as an out-of-the-house boyfriend. Marrying or locking up this type of man in a long-term will give your child the delusion of hopelessness in “saving you”, he/she will feel imprisoned and it will begin to affect their grades, behavior and even worse, your relationship.
Look a guy doesn’ have to be bringing gifts with every visit, or burning time pretending to like the Nintendo Wii in order to garner points from you. This is a dishonest attempt at being cool with the kid and he/she will read right through it. I can imagine your kid going “oh crap here he comes with his fake ass to try and play Wii with me”. No it needs to be real, if he’s a gamer that can help them get past a level then that works out quite well but he could just be an average Joe that listens to the child’s stories and helps them whenever it’s needed. Look while some men have an inner child that will never die (guilty) and can talk to a kid on his/her level, others just have to be cool adults that are reliable. That’s all it takes and fellas if the kid hates you off the jump, like the stereotypical brats that they always show on movies, then go ahead and make the exit yourself. A woman should have her house in order before letting you into it, and that’s just my 2 cents.
Above all, think about the children, if your feelings are all that matters then don’t act surprised when your child treats you as if you’re his/her distant cousin when you’re older and in need of their love.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.