The cycle of the love affair with a married man almost always ends in broken hearts, hurt, and wasted time. Sure you have those once in a million times where the man actually leaves his wife for another, but for the most part, it is a script for adultery disaster.  The love affair with the married man starts with a man who married for the wrong reasons and thus never truly felt fulfilled in his commitment to the wife.  They probably have kids together and that is the only bond they share.  The ideal woman for this guy is the girl who has been hurt many times by single men and is in the stage where she just wants someone to love her.  After they meet and exchange conversation, he realizes what he has been missing at home and decides to pursue his happiness with her on the side. He wants to fill a void…. [Read more]

So if you’re like me and you have had enough of Johnny Media and this Tiger Woods circus, you have probably started making jokes or contributing jokes at the cablinasian’s expense. Well one of the discussions among “the boys” about Tiger’s fall from alleged grace is not so much why’d he cheat but where did he go wrong in getting caught. To most men, and some women it seems that Tiger’s hustle was wrong, he teed up for a Player’s game but bogeyed every hole (no pun intended) by literally screwing the help. So in my quest to figure out what he could have done differently, I consulted a Wiseguy. After all wasn’t it Goodfellas that explained the necessity of a goomah to take out on fridays? Who better to ask than a practitioner and relative master of the art, of course all names will be withheld here but I wanted to know. How do… [Read more]

Years ago I was asked the age old question “what type of man do you want to marry?”, and I, at the time being on level one – the fantasy girl – in my single woman plight, would rattle off about 10 “must haves” on a list that only Superman can live up to.  The list was very specific about his personality, but the man having a hefty paycheck was never mentioned.  My friends were always critical of this issue and I often wondered what was better, the age old saying “it’s better to have loved and lost” or the fact that they were losing men constantly but walking away with parting gifts. Recently I had a discussion with a close friend of mine about the fact it seems that people who tied the knot way back when are now going through, or already went through, a bout of regret that seemed to stem from… [Read more]

Lets face it folks, when you find someone to love, you tend to get a lot of good out of it but there are some bad things that can come into the mix. One of the bad things about the relationships is you tend to fall within an unhealthy comfort zone. The extra time which was spent in the gym or Club (building the sexy body needed to attract the next person) is replaced with eating out in restaurants, ordering in and watching television on the couch. Pretty soon into the relationship you cease to look like an athlete and begin to look like a traditional mom or dad. So what makes relationships so fattening? I’ll tell you what it is, working out is either a chore to you, or you aren’t paying enough attention to yourself. What most experts suggest you do is to use your partner as a springboard to promote proper nutrition… [Read more]

You’ve probably heard the saying don’t blame the player blame the dame, but what kind of boys do you have, if you can’t trust them to leave your girl. I remember the first time I ran into this problem was when I dated a really attractive girl in college. Some of my supposed friends thought it was cool to try and get with her behind my sleeping back, unknowing that she was reporting back to me about every incident. There seems to be two very different opinions on this thing, each placing the brunt of the responsibility on either side. What I mean is we have guys who believe that it’s the ultimate test of their girl’s loyalty if she can suffer the whims of the crowd and then there are guys who believe that their boys should know better, even if their girl is giving them positive feedback when they push up on her…. [Read more]

I recently read an article that basically stated that marriage is a dying, archaic institution, especially for Black folks.  Marriage is to partnerships what Beta-Max was to the revolutionizing of in home movie viewing.  If 30 is the new 20, as professed by Jay Z, and we all agree that 20 is hot,  then marriage is like 104 years old.  Suffice to say, it is not hot.  It is allergic to being hot. Now, as a married woman of some years (even that ever crucial 5th one), I can’t, for the life of me, understand what the problem is.  Marriage offers so many benefits, why would one try so hard to avoid it?  First off, umm… the tax break.  And please don’t mess around and throw a kid or two on top of that (only your own please), it’s like Uncle Sam is making it rain and you are the gleeful recipient.  Single Super Mama,… [Read more]

Have you ever been walking along listening to you ipod and a song comes on that either moves you to want to break out in full Flashdance mode, or break down crying like the end of “Imitation of Life?”  And all you can think is that you want someone else to hear it and feel what you feel…but you cant.  Later, you try to describe the song  and how it made you feel to someone, but they look at you like you’re crazy, but offer you affirmative responses, like they get it, when you both know they don’t.  You both know that they can’t get it; it’s impossible.  Because it wasn’t just that song it was that moment.  It was yours, alone. That’s what a argument between two people who love each other is like.  Everyone walking through life with uncomfortable, ill-fitting ear buds in, listening to our own soundtrack.  Taking them off only long… [Read more]

My life is a contradiction, the most disturbing of which is the fact that I drive a minivan.  It’s not even a slick one; you know the ones with televisions, heated seats, automatic doors and real windows everywhere that open.  Now, I’m young (enough), and cool (enough) , yet everyday I get behind the wheel of a silver turtle on wheels.  While the minivan offers many amenities, such as the ability to tote my kids, without having to strap someone to the trunk, it comes at a steep price.  It instantly zaps all my sex appeal.  It is the place where my sexiness goes to die. I mean, I don’t have to worry about a carload of creepy dudes rolling up alongside of me trying to holler, but short of that, it provides little comfort.  It’s like a magical minivan, that regardless of what I’m wearing or how cute I was in the house, I’m… [Read more]