Feb 06

A woman relates to men VERY differently when her father passes away. I never really got to spend time with my father before he passed away. It changed my entire perspective of what relationships are like, meant to be like, and what they are supposed to be about. Your dad (for a woman) is a sounding board. When any asshole messes up your life, you go to him.

I don’t have that luxury. I don’t know what it feels like to have a dad and even to be loved by one. That’s not to say that my dad doesn’t love me, of course he does – and i love him back; but to really experience and feel that love… I don’t know what it feels like.

I don’t know what it feels like to have a man in the house because I don’t even have a brother; so I learnt how to carry heavy boxes, drill holes into walls, change car tires and light bulbs, assemble wardrobes and everything… by myself. It’s scary because it’s not like anyone is going to be helping me to do it anytime soon.

“Dating? Good God, that’s an even scarier situation.”

Not having a dad brings about issues of abandonment. And in that, you’re forever terrified that someone is going to leave you. Fortunately for me, I’ve worked through that fear to the point where I don’t care if a man wants to leave me. He’s most welcome to after explaining himself and why he wants to.

Relationships are hard because you feel very, very lonely. Again, I come back to that sounding board thing. Sometimes you just need some masculine advice and you have no one to turn to. You need the oil in your car changed, you need someone to help you out with a few extra bucks, you need someone who you can look to for authority instead of doing everything yourself. Essentially, you end up becoming superhuman because as a woman who can never turn to her dad, you’re left with no other choice.

For me personally, relationships are very hard to maintain (although I try my best at them), because I honestly don’t know what it’s LIKE to relate to the first man in my life, never mind any other man. All I know however is who is worthy and who isn’t worthy of love and respect from me.

Nadia Arain is the author of the STRONG WOMAN’S GUIDE TO ULTIMATE SUCCESS. She is an accomplished model, author and motivational speaker with a valid interest in improving the lives of women that find difficulty in adjusting to this modern world. If you have read any of Nadia’s other articles here on the Hall then you know that there is no question about her strength and confidence.

Check out Nadia’s book The 21st Century Spartanite: The Strong Woman’s Guide To Ultimate Success at Amazon.com and tell them The Dragon sent you!

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  • I am not a believer in the whole not having a dad make you have baggage in relationships myth. While I do believe that you are of a reflection of your experiences and your parents are a big part of those experiences. It has not been proven (at least not in any study I’ve read) that no dad =issues with men. If this were the case then what is the excuse for the wayward women who grew up with their fathers present? And what do you think is the mother’s role in all of this? If a person (woman) has issues in relationships then I believe it is partly due to their upbringing and BOTH parents, and possibly lack of either common sense, self esteem, or personal responsibility from making bad decisions, and/or all of the above. It is easy to say ” I didn’t have a dad so xyz.” Some people just need to man up and look in the mirror.

    • Hey Na Taya, I don’t think it’s that simple either way… we ultimately have our own minds but our upbringing influences us more than we give credit for. Daddy issues comes in 2 varieties for me; Number one – you have the woman who has no real relationship with her father so she uses outside factors (media, friends, assumptions) to picture what she wants in a man, when we fail to meet her expectations we catch hell and label it daddy issues. Number two – you have the woman that came from a household that held both parents and a father who doted on her. Now every man she meets is held to the standards of her loving father and it’s too high a precipice for the average man to meet. She gives him hell and he happily gets out.

      Some people deal with single parenthood better than others. I find that if you had that parent at one time and lose them it becomes worse, like you have a part of your life that you want filled and can’t. For people like me who never knew their fathers, it’s different – we make due with what we have and it is probably because it is all we know. I have met some awesome women that came from single parent households and I have met some that made me want to stay single forever. The same can be said of the women looking for clones of their father.

      So ya, we can’t get away with blanket statements like “oh she didn’t have a daddy so she’s going to be a nightmare to date” or “she has both parents so you know she’s trying to be a princess” because ultimately there are a number of people who transcend it. I loved this article because it’s reflective of why she has had some issues in the past with relationships and I really wish people would be honest with themselves when something doesn’t work out – just like Nadia has here.

      Little girls love their dads and she never got a chance at that, so beyond “daddy issues” it’s a great reflection of how important us men are to our baby girls.

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  • Nadia

    I’d expect a woman to understand, Na Taya but you seem heartless. As for where my mother was, she was too grief stricken and I had to always make sure she was in the right frame of mind. She’s an amazing mother. I am what I am because of her. Greg nailed everything because unlike people, I’m honest with myself and just because I don’t have a dad doesn’t mean I cannot discern a good man. Wrote this from the heart but wow..i

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