Oct 03

man on couch asleep

“I’m currently in a situation where my significant other makes less money than I do. I’m not bothered strictly by the fact that he makes less money but more so by the fact that he readily states that he wants to work more/make more money, but isn’t willing to expend the effort required to ensure that happens.

I really tried to be what a lot of men here have said they want… a ride-or-die chick – Someone to hold them down rain or shine. Five years I’ve done that. But what I have yet to see a man state is exactly where the buck stops. I’m not about trying to change someone into what I think they should be. As quite a few have pointed out, a person is going to be who they’ve always been. In my case, I didn’t understand how that would play out in real-time, because as we all know, there is quite a difference between college life and the work-a-day life.” – Camielle

Hi Camielle, so… you are trying to change him then? I hate to say it but if your man does have it in him then you are at the mercy of waiting it out which ends up being a gamble. Your man may be a… Star Gazer.

I’ve found that desperation is the father of invention. Some people won’t do unless they have to; you can’t expect someone to do right just because it’s the thing to do. Some of the best businesses arose from men who got fired from a job that would have drained 10 years out of their life.

Some of the best men are complacent under their high earning wives… Ultimatums suck and no man wants to deal with an ultimatum when it’s handed to us but if a man is hungry he will find a way to eat; if wifey is cooking every day then you find no need to help cut up the carrots.

Couples that are “on the same level” are the ones I see with similar passions, the Neely’s come to mind on Food Network. If you’re both chefs and you partner up to make restaurants then you’re even and probably happy unless one of you is shopping and draining the account.

For a white collar woman and a blue collar man to be in harmony both need to love money equally or both be bleeding hearts who care more for each other than assets… a flaw for the white collar so the likelihood of this is near nil. This is why I find it hard to think of men/woman being even in the finances unless you share a field that you love and are in the same position.

One of the happiest couples I know are both sales people, equally selfish and equally driven… Dare I say it’s a beautiful thing. Five years dead in the water? You may have to come to terms that this may be your life. If that is the case are you willing to stick it out? If not then it may be time to have that talk. Thanks for writing.

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  • DrCarly

    Dear Dragon & Camille,

    Have that talk? Really? How about it’s time to walk!!! Don’t get me wrong, when a man is doing the best he can – no matter how little, then yes – the thing to be is a supportive “help-meet”, as in the words of Camille, the “ride or die chick”.

    Relationships are about partnerships. This is not a parent-child interaction, so why would anyone – including the gut on the couch – think it is OK to be “taken care of”??!!!. I am not a Bible touter, but this is a prime example of being unequally yolked. It will break your neck and you will be the chick that died!!

    Respect is smothered, and you become more and more of an enabler, and the blob becomes even more de-energized and unmotivated. Camille, if you are not married – you need to step. We have to set boundaries and uphold them. If you are married, then sadly it comes to an ultimatum. Help him or hang him – but for heaven’s sake, shed the dead weight!