“Dear Dragon.. I am a woman who is very much in love with my boyfriend and we have been together for several years. I made the mistake faking my orgasms and I want to tell him so we can start our sex life over, but I don’t know how to do that without him hating me. I really love the person he is and I know he is “the one” which is why I want to come clean. How do you tell a man that you’ve been faking it without it sounding like he sucks in the bedroom?” – Signed, Tough Love
Hey Tough Love, there’s a reason why men care about a woman’s orgasms and it isn’t very complicated. We men want to know that we are doing a good job so that there is no question as to whether we will get more job offers, or a possible referral. At the very minimum men want the confidence that we won’t be the bad subject that you bring up to your girlfriend later on.
What men know of orgasms is that a woman’s reaction to it is very different from ours. A woman’s climax can occur multiple times and is the ultimate cherry on the top for a man’s ego. So when a guy hears that some women never have them, or that a woman can only achieve it through masturbation, it is met with deaf ears and is instead treated like a scourge that the man must conquer to save the woman and make himself a hero. So to say it’s more about the man than it is about you (the woman) is a huge understatement. A man wants to ravage you… completely… And the orgasm is the signal he seeks to convince him that he has done so.
“Don’t destroy your relationship over a trivial lie”
A lot of men are so serious about getting women off that they go the other direction with it. I have known guys who would go down on women for damn near an hour and then brag about it! I knew one dude who wanted us to call him L3… the Lick’em Low Lover because his tongue game was so legendary (in his own mind). But this goes to show how serious some men are about you cumming! You would think that it would be about how they wore the woman out (another thing we like to brag about) but when a woman orgasms, men take it as a sign of a job well done.
So to be quite honest with you Tough Love, I think you should continue the facade. It would absolutely disappoint that man to learn that you were auditioning for an academy award rather than screaming in pleasure from a dynamite orgasm. You started the dance, now be a big girl and keep on twirling. Try to “not orgasm” one night and see how he takes it, or if he even notices at all – you may be surprised as there are some guy who don’t care at all (he may be one of them). At the end of the day it’s don’t ask, don’t tell with this subject because a man’s ego is a fragile thing.
Don’t destroy your relationship over a trivial lie, especially when it comes to whether or not your man is doing a good enough job at pleasuring you.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.