Jan 20

“Dear Dragon, my neighbor upstairs is in a new relationship and I can hear her bed hitting the wall hard almost every night at the same time (2 am), what the hell! How do you talk to her without the embarrassment?”Steven.K

I had this same problem Steve when I moved into my new house. It didn’t help much that the chick was a straight up block rocker, nothing cute about her – and she was on bitch mode on the regular. So giving the boyfriend a pound and hollering at him wasn’t even possible. I’ll get back to my story but my advice is to holler at the dude, our male bond makes a question like that more of a prop than a diss. Do you understand?

I’d pull him to the side like “hey what’s up man, look its real funny to me but you and your girl wake me up like every night. Is the bed against the wall or something?” he’ll probably laugh it off but the next time he’s bringing the wood (no pun intended), he’ll remember. If he doesn’t then you may have to do what I did… which is just embarrassing for everybody.

What did I do?

One day I heard my neighbor and her dog outside so I go out there and in front of her man I was like “Hey, I’ve been hearing this loud banging noise on the walls about 5:00 every morning… I don’t know if your washing machine is hitting it or something but if you don’t mind can you see what’s going on there?” I then gave dude a little side-eye smirk and she turned beet red, nodded and ran off with Fido into the sunset to get away from me.

Needless to say, the knocking stopped but I had a good laugh at the situation.

I swear every “single” guy has this story; it’s either a roommate having loud sex or someone who lives next door. I’m kind of a private person so I have always worried about the bed knocking or some overly vocal girl putting me out there when I was handlin’ ma bidness. Most dudes don’t care though, they’re gonna score that touchdown and the world can end before they get distracted off that thing.

So go ahead and talk to em Stephen, trust me she doesn’t want you hearing her as much as you don’t want to hear her. Let them know there’s a problem and remember to only mention that you know it’s sex if you’re talking to her man. If he gives you heat for it then keep it moving – he knows you can hear them now. It’ll work itself out.

Good luck getting through that honeymoon period… I would much rather hear 20 minutes of sex versus 2 hours of couples fighting and the police siren that follows.

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  • Good piece! I once had a guy who I told about his bed banging against the wall and he still did not move it. He laughed and had such pride that I heard his bed banging against the wall while he was having sex with women. The walls in the apartment complex were already paper thin, so the women were tremendously loud and it became really irritating. I guess it was really irritating because I know he took pleasure in me thinking he was “the man” because the women were always hollering loud. However, this does not necessarily mean he is “the man” because they are hollering so loud. A woman who has limited sexual experience will usually holler loud, even if the guy is not really “packing.” Lol! But he wanted to be perceived that he was “packing” and wanted to be perceived as such a “player.” My advice is to have a serious conversation with the guy about how unpleasant this is and go from there. If it becomes too much of a problem, then one might need to file a noise complaint (if it’s that serious).