“Dear Greg, I am having trouble dating because it is hard to keep men in my life due to none being interested or wanting to stick around. My last boyfriend told me that I don’t need a man, and no men would want me – at the time I thought he was just being mean but its all coming true. Is this the way men think, that my independence is a sign that I neither want or need them? The comment that I have always heard is that I am unapproachable, how do you determine this? Is it looks? Guys can be so frustrating to understand and it annoys me that I am not given a chance.” – Paula G.
Hey Paula, you may be giving out negative signals if men aren’t even getting to know you before they throw the towel in. It could be the frowned brow, or mean eyes that you give off during your outings or it could be the way that you talk. One of the biggest turn-offs for a man is to hear a woman announcing her independence as if it’s a badge of honor – it smacks of false bravado and it isn’t sexy. Just like women don’t like guys who run up to them at a bar bragging about their car, house and penis size, men do not like to hear a woman going on about how she can take care of herself. If you aren’t guilty of the loud posturing (many women are) and you don’t have the mean face on then it may be your beauty.
Every beautiful woman is unapproachable to a certain degree depending on who it is that you are wanting to get attention from. I know personally as a rule I don’t go flirting and stepping to every beauty I come across but if the Tanqueray is in me and I’m bored enough then I do it for the sport. My point is that even if you’re beautiful you will be approached by the wrong time of guy (ie: me), so it begs to question where it is that you are expecting to be approached? During the rounds every day, at the Club, or are you being general? Another thing is many guys will not come at you out of thinking that you are a Diva or for not wanting to “sweat you”. These guys will do other gestures to see if you’re game, but the problem is most women don’t read into these gestures so both sides lose out.
We’re not in College anymore…
College was a huge testing grounds for honing game by us males. A campus guarantees you seeing the same women daily, you can easily get them back to your dorm/apartment and if you get rejected there is another beauty literally 5 paces away. In life a man will not be so brazen about approaching you due to certain factors:
- You look depressed or bitchy
- You quickly look away or down at the floor when we try to get some eye-contact
- We’re with somebody that we actually like
- We see you in an area that we don’t frequent so it’s inconvenient
- You live in a place where girls that look like you are a dime a dozen
- You look like the type that will get embarrassingly loud if we ask you out
- You wear a lot of rings and expect us to know that there is no band
- You’re with your girlfriend and she looks like a bitch (grenade factor)
- The area that you live in has a limited number of single men
Any one of the above bullet points can trump your chances of a guy coming at you. Many times women who have this complaint are asking the question incorrectly because they do get stepped to… by wolves and married men. The question normally translates to “why do the men that I desire find me unapproachable”. Well it’s simple, the men that you desire are too shy to be “kicking game”. Guys like this need you to come at least part of the way to show interest – no nice guy I know will risk the embarrassment of cold calling a cutie that they happen to see.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.