Jul 10

makeshift-family

What if Single Parent Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Any More Kids?

The subject of having children with single moms is a touchy one but a conversation that should be brought up early on.Believe it or not the situation that the title alludes to is a common one that comes about with people who decide to be unselfish (SNARK!) and date someone that has a child. Normally you fall in love with this person, decide that it is worth it to give the step-whatever a try and before you know it you love and accept their child as your own. Hell sometimes it’s reversed; kids can be so damn adorable.

In any event like many things that should be discussed in the early phases of a relationship, we tend to neglect the need to brooch the subject of the future. With the future there may be a wedding and with that wedding there will come the pressure or the want to build a family. It is very important that you find out early on if this is an avenue that your mate will want to revisit before you get a child’s heart involved.

One of the main issues with single parents dating is that little hearts and feelings get involved and a parent’s quest for love becomes this meet and greet from hell for little Marie or Michael who has to play nice, adapt and eventually forget every lover that mom or dad brings home. The reason I bring up the kids is because it will become a deal breaker when one partner desires children and the other doesn’t. Even more frustrating is when the childless member of the duo thinks that they are owed “their own child” as some sort of reward for taking care of someone else’s.

These discussions can get very nasty and accusatory; hidden feelings and prejudices may surface (especially if the child is from someone of another race) and all of a sudden good ‘ol Uncle Billy will be “don’t talk about that loser anymore” to the child who grew to like him. It’s not difficult or embarrassing to get the question answered, even on a first date. When the parent brings up their child in conversation and you get to talking about he or she, ask if they can see themselves having another. Normally people are very upfront with their feelings on this and you will have your answer right there.

Don’t wait until it’s too late step-dad; ask your lover where she stands on kids. Even if you don’t want to hear the negative, it is better to know ahead of time than be surprised when you are out in the deep end.

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