Nov 27


It’s the time of the season when we are hiring new talent at my job and I have been fortunate in being one of the people ushering in the interviewees. As a unit we scan hundreds of resumes, checking out who should match and who would end up wasting our times because they had little experience with our software. When we have a good number, we make some phone calls and bring them in for the interviews. One thing you learn when you interview people, it’s  that the worst tends to come out for those who buckle under societal pressure. You get the liar who thinks he can freestyle the interview by pretending to know anything you ask; you get the nervous wreck who rifles off a ton of personal details that no boss should know, and you get that one, fake cocky applicant.

The forced act of being too casual at a sit-down is somehow more annoying to we the people hiring than any of the other faults by people seeking work. You can dress down if you know your stuff–not everyone can afford a designer suit–and if you are genuinely confident, you may even land the job. What tends to rub us raw is when someone is full of it and pretends to be the master of whatever field they’re assuming.

Movies may be partly to blame for this act of bravado by people since many hit films have shown guys walking into interviews, bleeding charm, and bullshitting their way through the questions. In the real world a select few people may be able to pull that off, but if you have the charm of a hairy spider, and about as much likability as a booger, chances are you will lose before you open your mouth.

Feigning confidence only works on people that are believable actors. Pickup artists tell lonely males to act confident so that eventually it becomes real, but they never tell these men to get a judge. If I was going to fake the part of a corporate shark, I would test it out on a number of friends and friends of friends to make sure that I’m at least believable. Seasoned women in the dating world can smell a poseur a mile away, and so can alpha wolves if a timid girl pretends to be a man-eater in order to appear strong.

For you to fake it till you make it, you first need to be a convincing faker. We all know that confidence wins the game in just about any aspect of life that doesn’t demand humility, but if you were born a lamb, it will take more than fake fangs and a snarl to force us to believe that you are a wolf.

Humble Confidence – Learn It

Have you ever met someone who is nowhere near cocky but is so good at what they do that they have an easy confidence to their aura? Those people are the ones who rule the world. The funny thing is that many “socially awkward” people have this in them when it comes to their desired subject but fall to pieces about anything else. If a shy comic book nerd can talk to a love-interest with as much passion and fire that he/she does when arguing whether Dead Pool or Deathstroke is better, there would be nobody out there to argue how strong his/her game is. People who are good enough to know their stuff on any given subject have little need to fake it or pull your hair to convince you.

Acquiring a humble confidence comes from being okay with the fact that you know how good you are and that is enough. Being cocky and outwardly confident (aka douchebag) comes from trying to convince everyone else that you are there. Nobody likes a try-hard, so find a way to be internally good with your knowledge.

Humble confidence is sexy, it is the girl who listens in on the boys telling video game jokes and understanding them, but not feeling the need to “let them know” that she isn’t one of the non-video game playing stereotypes. Ever run into someone like that? It’s like “daaammn you watch that?” or “daaaamn you listen to Hip Hop?” All being a surprise because the person is so damn matter-of-fact about it but felt no need to convince you that they’re down.

When we get people into interviews with true outward confidence, or a firm, humble confidence, they get the job. These are the people who aren’t hurting for dates either. So stop playing at confident if you’re not or take some acting classes if you’re serious, because if we–the world–see through you, we are more than likely not going to be receptive to it.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.