Jan 27

pretty woman, exotic beauty, lady in orange, sexy eyes, pretty brown eyes

The most popular article on this site has been The Curse of Being A Beautiful Woman due to the amount of commentary and discussion that it has gained. I wrote the article not to pander to beauties but because I wanted to share my unpopular belief that pretty women are ostracized and shunned due to a number of reasons. The comments that spawned from my opinion has been a combination of outsiders (non-beauties and men) denying that beautiful women have a problem and pretty women willing to share their experiences. It has taught me that my observances were correct and that people online as much as in life have a very serious issue with looks.

Upon reading the commentary on the beauty article there was one other trend that surfaced which I dislike more than anything else: People who self-identify as “pretty”, “cute”, “cool”, or “funny”. All of the labels I just named are things that are subjective, and they are things that outsiders, namely “other people” reward us with in terms of opinion. I can roll out of bed tomorrow and proclaim myself “funny”, but people that deal with me might have a different opinion. The only people who get to own these labels to a point are those who hear it on a regular basis from others.

“I am told quite often that I am pretty” sounds more believable than “I know that I am pretty”

Having a strong self-image is one thing, and I am happy for those who have it and are confident in their own skin. What I dislike hearing however is the labeling people give to themselves when wondering why they aren’t scoring a lot of dates, or why they haven’t found true love, or why they can’t keep a job. We come off as extremely delusional and self-centered when we utter statements like:

“I don’t see why he didn’t ask me out, I am pretty, smart, and I’m really funny too”

Hmm, so who told you that you were pretty or funny first of all, and why do you think that these traits should be enough to trump the other choices that the guy made? People who self-identify as “pretty”, or “cool”, which really should be told to them (bear with me) lead me to believe that they are purposefully ignoring other traits that turn people off. Maybe you are pretty but you are loud and obnoxious—though you describe it as being “confident” and “exciting”. The reason why people treat you the way they do is something that only they can answer. Assumption is a terrible path towards change.

How many of you reading assume that you are either “pretty”, “beautiful” or “cool” without a multitude of strangers, people with no personal interest, and former lovers cosigning it? Do you just look in the mirror, run comparison checks with a celebrity or model, and assume because you have the same eyes or chin that you are on their level? Great! It gives us a huge boost in confidence to assume that we look good, but when you fool yourself that this self-issued praise is enough to get people to believe it then you are setting yourself up for failure.

If you are going to find reasons for the ill treatment that other people give you, or the failed date that you wanted to work, you will 100% need that other person’s feedback if you are going to know the truth. You do not get to decide that your looks were the reason why you were dissed by someone else, and you do not get to decide that your “cool” demeanor should be accepted by the opposite sex. It is very hard to navigate the line between confidence and conceit, but lying to yourself or the world is definitely not the way to go.

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  • McThick

    Do ‘bitchy’ and or ‘ungrateful’ count as labels applied by others to those who bemoan the horrible, horrible fate of being beautiful?

    • Pushing for ire with the symbol of the Empire as your avatar huh McThick? Seems legit.

    • 800kw0rmqt

      Personally, I was simply insulted by my roommates when I tried to talk to them about it. I figured they had the same problems. It was around the lines of “You aren’t even that pretty”, “Your boobs are too small”, “You’re too much of a nerd” and etc. Granted, they usually were unkind to me anyways. I was getting tired of getting hollered at from guys while riding my bike to school and back, when walking, and essentially whenever I left the house. There was one girl who sympathized, but I found out later she was bi.

    • Natalie

      They count to you, right? You can’t control how your words affect others. You sound ungrateful and bitchy yourself.

  • Willy Donuts

    Confidence is knowing what you are or capable of, even when the world tells you otherwise. – William Carpenter

    • I like that quote, it’s pretty spot on.

      “Delusion is assuming that everyone else feels the same way about you and then assigning blame when you don’t get a second date.” – Matchless Dragon

  • J. Crawford

    “Confidence is knowing what you are or capable of, even when the world tells you otherwise.” – William Carpenter

    “Delusion is assuming that everyone else feels the same way about you and then assigning blame when you don’t get a second date.” – Matchless Dragon
    Both quotes hold merit, yet they are opposites of each other, for a reason I suppose. Which quote do people overwhelmingly live, think, and judge by (as well as get offended by) OR, which is more correct/accurate- Carpenter’s or Matchless Dragon’s ???

    • Definitely opposite but I do like Willy Donuts’ more… it being the positive of the two. There have been a lot of articles on sites I frequent where the author goes into a 1,000 word essay on what he/she assumed was wrong with their date for them not to be returning calls, texts, etc. and it makes me want to scream “what about you!?” When I saw the same things being repeated in the commentary of the beauty article it spawned this article and my snarky response to Will.

  • 800kw0rmqt

    I have the opposite problem. I think I am rather average, but I would need to have a negative i.q. to think that others see me in the same light. The only days where I am not checked out, being hit on, or turning heads is when I don’t leave my room. Girls don’t really… bond with me. There is my mom, and one girl at my work, but the rest are professionally polite. All my friends are guys, and I am usually worried over whether or not they are real friends, or waiting for a chance.

  • Phenix Rising

    Excellent well articulated article – great write up and read!

  • The Man With A Big Heart

    Good article.

  • Coracreates

    I agree. If I see a guy who is into me and I can tell that he thinks highly of himself or his looks – he is a bit too fond of himself – I am completely disinterested. It is unattractive to me. Personally, I want to look good. I want a guy to feel that I’m beautiful (not cute or “hot” as I have been told – I dislike these adjectives) – sort of like I want them to really see me, my heart – who I am – and the whole deal and feel I am beautiful to them. I don’t like to self profess that I think I am this or that. Yet, people have complimented me in those ways …and you know, it just doesn’t mean much unless it is very genuine and the person knows me. The weird thing is – I look in the mirror – try to make myself look nice or beautiful, etc. in getting ready for the day – and half the time it’s so weird I feel like i don’t even know what i look like…that’s a whole other topic….:)