The most popular article on this site has been The Curse of Being A Beautiful Woman due to the amount of commentary and discussion that it has gained. I wrote the article not to pander to beauties but because I wanted to share my unpopular belief that pretty women are ostracized and shunned due to a number of reasons. The comments that spawned from my opinion has been a combination of outsiders (non-beauties and men) denying that beautiful women have a problem and pretty women willing to share their experiences. It has taught me that my observances were correct and that people online as much as in life have a very serious issue with looks.
Upon reading the commentary on the beauty article there was one other trend that surfaced which I dislike more than anything else: People who self-identify as “pretty”, “cute”, “cool”, or “funny”. All of the labels I just named are things that are subjective, and they are things that outsiders, namely “other people” reward us with in terms of opinion. I can roll out of bed tomorrow and proclaim myself “funny”, but people that deal with me might have a different opinion. The only people who get to own these labels to a point are those who hear it on a regular basis from others.
“I am told quite often that I am pretty” sounds more believable than “I know that I am pretty”
Having a strong self-image is one thing, and I am happy for those who have it and are confident in their own skin. What I dislike hearing however is the labeling people give to themselves when wondering why they aren’t scoring a lot of dates, or why they haven’t found true love, or why they can’t keep a job. We come off as extremely delusional and self-centered when we utter statements like:
“I don’t see why he didn’t ask me out, I am pretty, smart, and I’m really funny too”
Hmm, so who told you that you were pretty or funny first of all, and why do you think that these traits should be enough to trump the other choices that the guy made? People who self-identify as “pretty”, or “cool”, which really should be told to them (bear with me) lead me to believe that they are purposefully ignoring other traits that turn people off. Maybe you are pretty but you are loud and obnoxious—though you describe it as being “confident” and “exciting”. The reason why people treat you the way they do is something that only they can answer. Assumption is a terrible path towards change.
How many of you reading assume that you are either “pretty”, “beautiful” or “cool” without a multitude of strangers, people with no personal interest, and former lovers cosigning it? Do you just look in the mirror, run comparison checks with a celebrity or model, and assume because you have the same eyes or chin that you are on their level? Great! It gives us a huge boost in confidence to assume that we look good, but when you fool yourself that this self-issued praise is enough to get people to believe it then you are setting yourself up for failure.
If you are going to find reasons for the ill treatment that other people give you, or the failed date that you wanted to work, you will 100% need that other person’s feedback if you are going to know the truth. You do not get to decide that your looks were the reason why you were dissed by someone else, and you do not get to decide that your “cool” demeanor should be accepted by the opposite sex. It is very hard to navigate the line between confidence and conceit, but lying to yourself or the world is definitely not the way to go.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.