Jul 03


As a thirty something dater – or I guess, former dater – I have had countless quandaries on this question “finding mister right”. That question generally arises around date three or four when I begin to wonder should I only be dating this one person or can I keep dating others, is this relationship going to be something serious? This is almost an impossible question to ask that early on in the dating game.

The glow after a first kiss, especially one that you may have been anticipating for some time should not be dampened by the concerns of what might be coming next. It is a mood killer for you and for the person you’re kissing, especially if you accidentally blurt out something ridiculous like, “I wanna have babies!” Can you believe I was ever kissed a second time after that?! Sometimes our worry over our perceptions of the other person and their intentions or longevity of their previous relationships may cause some anxiety or fear to manifest and sometime propel words out of your mouth that you had never intended to vocalize. (See the aforementioned statement)

Some researchers use models to measure relationship durability, like the Rusbult’s Investment Model which tests four factors of your relationship to predict a couple’s ability to endure the test of time. That is all well and good but I am sure that there are tons of couples – married or not- that have been able to figure this out through time, perseverance and some trial and error. Dating the wrong guy can be a lot of fun and it can be heart wrenching.  Thinking back to my first love inevitably takes me back to my first broken heart and that sucked. But, looking back, I am more than happy that it didn’t work out. Adolescent me loved for a lot of wrong reasons and was heartbroken at some pretty simple shit.

As I have learned more about myself, I have learned more about what I want in the person that I am dating and looking to spend a great deal of my life with. So this time when I leaned across the car console and felt my lips on his lips and when he pulled back – I was able to simply smile and wait for the rest of the story to unfold. Patience is something we learn. And it is definitely helpful when dating.

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