Feb 20

scared boy

I have but one question… why are you there?

Recently in my life I have been lucky with being in the presence of many young people who are the product of single-parent homes. Having come from that myself I recall the day I swore that I would not be one of these men who neglect the child(ren) of the woman who happens to be my mate. You would think that men would accept that a woman with child is a package for love but this is not the case at all.

Many men will get deep into relationships with women only to neglect the child, hate the child, abuse, molest, and any number of things that will blow your mind. Why even get in the relationship if loving a child that isn’t of your blood is beyond you as a human being?

A few years ago I wrote an article about how men should go about dating women with children. One of the better comments on the article was from our own Dr. Carly who shared her personal experience with a husband who hated her son (for no other reason but him not being his own) and I felt it necessary to share it:

He Will Never Call Me Dad

When I first got married I was already a mother, as you can imagine my husband was not very good with this and made me feel like damaged property, to whom he was being a saint by marrying and making me honest.

As much as I loved my then-child I won’t pretend that I was proud to be in this situation. The future held so much promise for me but this “shame” of young, single parenthood was never forgotten due to my own mother. Still it was her love and support, which allowed my child to be taken care of, in order for me to finish my education and much more.

When I met my husband he fell in love with me but not my child, actually when I introduced them, the words he uttered were along the lines of, “I told myself that I would never date a woman with a kid, but I will make an exception for you…” Wow, if it were now I would tell him to kiss my butt, but I was still young and my naiveté made me go for him.

This simple declaration was a sign of the hell to come; this man reminded me often that my child would never be his. He planned on having my son call him “Mr.” instead of dad whenever he was old enough to speak. The marriage and experience was hell, but it woke me up to reality and I became extremely strong for it… (Source)

Planning To Be An Asshole? Then Don’t Date Women With Kids

This story and many like it are the beginnings of a life of hardship for our boys. As men we have to accept that we can be our own worst enemies starting from the way we treat children up into the way we treat one another.

My broken past did not make me into a thug or a woman-hater like many men with my background but it has made me violently angry at men who mistreat children for things that are not within their control. Simply put – if you can’t handle another man’s child then DO NOT GO THERE. It’s that simple; stick to childless women.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of women who lament the way their boyfriend or husband treats their child and I would like that we find a way to prevent it. Some girls are naïve and stay with men who they assume will “come around” in loving their children, but girls – choose the child. That’s all I have to say, choose the child.

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  • Hi Greg,

    I’m enjoying your articles, they’re really opening my eyes to the challenges I might face when I meet women with children (Since it is a pretty regular thing these days) I just wanted to say thanks for writing them 🙂

    • Hey Matthew thanks a billion for this comment. This is a topic that hits close to home and I always wonder if I am touching the people who would benefit from it. Going into things with children involved can be hard for both parties but I retain my thoughts and memories from when I was that little boy so I write from their perspective (still a child at heart). I hope you stick around and lend your voice more often, we appreciate you.

  • Dr. Carly

    Hi Greg,

    Kudos to you for keeping this relevant subject alive, and thank you also for the honorable mention. The book “50 shades of Grey” is a trilogy that have been a hot seller and topic of discussion in all the media solely about the steamy sex encounters. While I am not interested in S & M, I had a different appreciation for the “story” after book #2, which unfortunately no one talks about.

    The debonaire, hot, billionaire of a sex fiend in the book was the product of child abuse and abandonment. He was burnt and scarred with cigarettes by the boyfriend of his crack addicted mother, left alone and starving on many occasions. This man abhorred being physically touched right into adulthood. Why has that not hit home with all female readers??

    Yes, there are men who behave like monsters to children, sometimes even their own flesh and blood! Ladies, children have no control over their presence and existence, but you do. Wake up! think! To believe having a child for the current man in your life is he way to bring redemption to the daddy-ills of former child(ren), is an age old fallacy. Unfortunately, children do not make lambs out of savage lions!

  • Annie

    Good article! As I read it, I had to stifle the anger that came over me that so many men (and women) marry people with children and then take on this abusive attitude. The children are innocent and it sickens me that an adult would and could be so cruel and selfish. If you can’t handle it, put on your big boy bloomers and WALK away.

    It absolutely breaks my heart that so many women (and men) overlook the signs because they are too busy worrying about their own needs.

  • Jessica B.

    I am glad I came across this site. I am a single mother to a six mo old and these articles have been a breath of fresh air. Everything I have come across online makes me feel so low and ashamed of my situation. I am 25 and was in love with a guy who supported me and us 100%, so I thought at least, I didn’t feel I done anything shameful. I never dreamed I’d be in this situation. But this hurts my heart because I have a son and things like this is why so many single mothers stay single. It seems like men pray on single moms while these dads abandon not even us but their kids and start a new life leaving their children and mothers to deal with this alone.

    • Don Dressel

      I am sorry my daughter who I adopted was with a guy who she had a son with and he left her when she was young. She cried on my shoulder and I told her by him leaving it will give her the opportunity to meet a decent man. She met her husband now 3 years later and he had 2 kids and they had a little girl together and he treats her son like his own so you see there are good men out there!
      You just have to be choosy and watch out and don’t put up with any crap and protect your kids at all costs!! Take care I will think of you

  • Don Dressel

    I married my last wife who sadly passed away in 89 from cancer. She had 2 kids from her ex and he was abusive to his son. I adopted the kids and treated them as my own coaching his little league team and taking MY daughter his former on field trips and dance lessons so sometimes it is the sperm donor who is the abuser!!!

  • Nefertari

    Hi I’ve recently married an African man. I was a single mum with a son who is 12. My son and my husband have not bonded at all. My son has autism and does not relate well to new people. My husband can’t understand. Recently my husband has accused me and my son if having an unhealthy relationship to the point where he doesn’t trust what happens if I comfort my son at night because he can’t sleep. He implies something sexual is going on. I feel sick at the very thought.