One of my friends (a young lady that we’ll call Veronica for the sake of this article) is on the market for a guy. Like many of us who choose life over romance throughout our years, Veronica finds herself on the north side of 30 and in want of a guy who will accept her. Given my history with Veronica I knew what it was that she enjoyed. She is active, she does martial arts, dances in parades and is a big time artist. These qualities make her atypical of the standard black girl mold and it was what attracted me to her in the first place (forever and a day ago when we were a thing). Now I am in one spot and happy and she is beginning to feel the need for love after many years of flying solo. The few guys that she had encountered throughout life had been for lack of a better word “lames” and whenever I would see them I would wonder at her self-esteem.
Veronica is one of those active, tomboy types who will not accept her beauty. She keeps many guy friends (you know my theory on that… more like wannabe suitors in waiting) and she is very independent. Looking at her picture or seeing her dance would have you wonder at her single status, but the fact of the matter is she is one of many women that are in the same boat. Always willing to help, I asked Veronica about this, as in who she was dating, how it was working out and whether or not she saw a future in it. Her answer was negative and she jokingly asked me to set her up with one of my friends. It is interesting that this is a common question placed on me by single women who know me, in a sort of strange assumption that I am a good guy so therefore my friends would be of a similar mold. I don’t want to hook people up, especially friends, it’s too much responsibility and to be honest I don’t want to be the cause of someone being stalked, cheated on or worse. I laughed off Veronica’s question and asked her what she was looking for.
Veronica’s List – The Great Golden Buffalo
Every woman has a list, and I am glad that they have them because the contents normally dictate whether I will offer help and advice or just roll my eyes and keep moving. Veronica’s list consisted of someone who is mixed (clarification: knowing her I realized that she meant brown-skinned judging from the guys that she had been with sans myself. I’ve never known her to have a racial preference in men… she herself being brown skinned and multi-racial) works out, stays active, likes to travel and isn’t psycho jealous over her friends (remember they are guys). I nodded and took it all in because on paper that list is feasible, but let’s be honest, in reality that make and model isn’t kicking it around her city. Veronica was in search of Vin Diesel, well the knock-off brand, and while I hang out with that dude on the regular at my gym, I cannot tell you the last time I saw him in my daily rounds of employment. What I’m getting at is that she is in search of a man that isn’t ever going to happen across her path in life. I know this.
I don’t think the Veronica’s of the world should compromise. Sure the guy with the gut tells you that he plays basketball every day, but that is no substitute for someone who “works out”. He may say he travels but going to see his family in Kansas City every year is not the same as jet-setting to see the pyramids, shooting dice in Las Vegas or hopping a cruise to the Caribbean. These things aren’t really a big deal but if she wants a man who is in his 30’s and doing these things, she may just have to go to the places that he may actually be at. Veronica like most black women don’t want jack to do with online dating so she misses out on meeting the self-employed, workout enthusiast that isn’t taking lunch at the restaurants she visits. She doesn’t leave her city much so she misses out on guys that are out of town looking for a girl like her and lamenting on the nasties that he calls neighbors. It’s the ultimate Catch-22, women want the Great Golden Buffalo but they expect him to roam across their backyard. No, if you have a type, you need to go where your type will be. If you like a workout guy then take your ass to the gym, to intramural games, to Iron Man Triathlons, you get the gist of what I am talking about?
You don’t have to be the aggressive man-eater, approaching men and telling them you’re available, but it helps to be where he can see you. I met my last lady online, it was like finding a diamond in a dung pile because I never knew that girls like her lived in my neighborhood… I never saw girls like her in my daily rounds, I still don’t. Another girl, I met at a Club and she was in town for the weekend, we got together but I had to travel to see her. Most of the women I am attracted to are nowhere near where I live, but I do see them when I do the activities that I enjoy. My point is, if your taste is catered to an activity, then figure out where people are doing it and get yourself involved.
There are too many single Veronica’s out there who believe that an adventurous, active man is a Great Golden Buffalo. Life offers opportunities but it does serve you well to play the odds. Get where we can see you, and land yourself a man.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.