Dec 12

 Father playing with a baby at the beach

“I have always been the one to carry the weight of this family/relationship. I work, and solely provide the support to sustain our household. He just finished school and aspires to be a career athlete and absolutely refuses to function in a typical work setting or “settle” for a 9-5 job.” – letter to me from a Lady Dragon

If it’s one thing you realize when you grow up–I mean truly grow up–is that you were one bullheaded, young fool at one time. You thought you had it all figured out, and that your opinion on things would never waver.  Good girls came and went, but you were looking to smash (you’ll just find another one…when it’s time). Smash em, and smash em, and smash em all. SMASH, SMASH, SMASH, SMASH, SMASH, howl at the moon, and smash some more! That’s how we do it, that’s how many of our minds work as young men when it comes to relationships.

Can we blame our younger men though? Aren’t we (the grown men who know better) a part of the greater problem with the weak omega attitude of today? We don’t do much to help these wannabes–because everyone wannabe something right? These men whose families starve because they want to chill, or because wifey’s got it, or life is too hard to risk failure to become this great ideal that they see themselves as. How are they to know how to truly hustle out here, how to grind for a chance that society won’t give them?

How would they know without dads to show them, authority figures to show them, macho rap artists, uncles, friends… How would they know?

The Castration of The Classic Father-Figure

When I came up, I understood a man to be a provider. The omega culture of the internet has done a good job of destroying this attitude and with it the need for many men to step up and work to feed their families. The many emails I get from girlfriends and wives asking me how to fix their male, deadbeat counterparts drives my point home; and their “men” don’t care to change, even if it means losing their kids in the end.

I’m not here to preach “Operation Man Up”, but I can definitely see a need for it. If you are a man going your own way, I support you, but make sure that you don’t have children that will be left behind when you do that.

We focus on celebrity drama, and fallout, but not on celebrity positives like the countless rappers, NFL players, singers, who marry the mother of their children and are stalwarts that raise the kids to become adults. No, we let that slide because it’s too normal… It’s mundane, not sexy enough for Twitter. What we showcase is the playboy antics. The hardcore bachelor with kids by several women. The woman beater – who looks like the every day millennial, and the child abuser… More ammo for the “men are unnecessary”, future mothers to serial killers of the world, but no shine given to the guys who do what they are supposed to do.

We Can’t Blame The Media… Completely

To a boy growing up to what is shown on television… Is it even cool anymore to be a strong, working male? I would think so. Walter White of Breaking Bad fame was all about his family. Ned Stark of HBO’s Game of Thrones was a hardcore family man. Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead is a man… So television is representing us well. I wish I could say the same about music. A hardcore family guy (and MAN) like TI can’t make money bragging about taking care of his family, but from what has been shown on his reality television show, the man and the music are not always the same. Why can’t a TI remind these boys out here that children and family come first? The Jay-Z’s of the world rhyme about “money, cash, hoes” but in real life they hold their families down. We need to find a way to make that part cool to rhyme about, just like the aspect of grinding from rags to riches.

If Your Man Is A Scrub He’ll Probably Stay A Scrub

This topic always comes with a lot of blame and hurt feelings, but if you are a mother being slighted by a man that doesn’t provide, then I have bad news for you. We don’t change easily. If a man isn’t ready to make a move he won’t, and hustlers are born not made, so there is that as well. Changing a sloth into a tiger is the substance of novels and fantasy–rarely life. So if the writing’s on the wall, I say run for the hills before you get pregnant by him.

It’s harsh–I know–but so is reality. With that I leave you with some wise words by P.Diddy Combs. Thanks for reading.

“What the fuck is their culture?
Where the fuck is their souls at?
What defines you?”

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