Oct 11


YES! Do you find that you like a particular set of men and women for their race before anything else that we would consider important? Think about it, we all have friends or family members that openly admit to only dating (insert race) girls, or (insert race) guys. These beloved members of our fellowship do not see anything wrong with their desire but for anyone hearing them and observing the pattern it is looked upon as a major problem.

Members of minority groups who participate in this are given derogatory names, the man or woman that may have dated back to back members of another race are accused for having a “fetish”, wanting to be that other race and a number of other basic accusations. People get defensive, they say in one breath that they are all for “loving who you love” but then say that they feel slighted if a prominent (read: rich and successful) member of their group “steps out”. It becomes a self-conscious struggle for the supposed fetishist and even more so for the guy or gal that happens to have a type.

What Exactly Is The Problem?

There is a huge difference between a person who puts down the members of his/her race in order to prop the ones they fetishize and the person that happens to date across racial lines. The problem between these two drastically different people is that the latter is normally made to feel the wrath of those that lump them together with the former. We mix in the color-blind with the damaged and seeking because like all prejudices it is so much easier to generalize than it is to treat people individually.

Does all of this mean that we should act like the 1980’s and hide our white, black, or multiracial boyfriends/girlfriends? Is the painful realization that you do fetishize a particular race a shame that should be covered up instead of admitting to when called out? How about, it’s nobody’s business but your own? I don’t think anyone should be put down for liking and/or loving someone else. At the same time I don’t think the fetishist should shout it out to the world that the person’s race is so awesome.

woman-with-a-chocolate-fetishWhat is so glorious about a race–something we don’t choose or can change–that you have to announce how great it is for you to date and have sex with? This is normally the question I ask of the guys who (as an example) make it their life’s goal to bang an Asian woman because of their obsession with Asian things. It is also the question I ask of black men who see pale skin and bright hair as a symbol of status and success. I am not knocking them for liking these women, but if they brag about it then I see that as a major problem.

I often wonder how the women and men that are targeted for being in the right racial group feel when they finally realize. Do they care, or is it somehow endearing to be chosen for something that goes beyond intelligence, looks and personality. I know it’s a silly question, but considering the fact that many of these men and women who fetishize race brag about it… is it really a bad question?

I don’t believe that having a type is wrong, some of us like skinny women, and some of us like curvy women. A body type is no easier to change than a person’s race is, but just like our lust for a naturally slender woman is nothing to brag about, neither is a preference for black men with dreads. I have run into many people throughout my lifetime that push for a particular woman in a particular race to love. The ones that stood out were the ones who made us all very aware of it–verbally–but I cannot recall many of the ones who kept it quiet.

Keep your fetishes to yourself.

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