Sep 10

Marie Antoinette is a tragic, historical example of how malice, hatred and lies can poison the minds and hearts of people to the point of fatality. Falsely remembered as the stuck-up French queen who poked fun at her starving subjects with the words “let them eat cake!” and for being one of the causes for the French Revolution of 1789. It is sad because the real story of this woman is that of scandal, propaganda and a misunderstood beauty.

Marie was beautiful even in today’s standards. She had long, golden blond hair, big blue eyes and breasts so full that she allegedly used them as a mold for making bowls within her Hameau. The busty Austrian immediately impressed king Louis XV and he happily married her off to his son who beyond his shyness and anti-Austrian tutoring figured himself a lucky man.

Rumors, Foreskin and The Diamond Necklace

Sadly for Louis XVI he was born with extremely tight foreskin around his penis which prevented him from getting a hard-on without suffering the pain. This kept the delicious Marie married but without the consummation that made a marriage official. The rumors spread like wildfire due to this and Louis was accused of being gay and Marie Antoinette a lesbian and whore since her circle of friends included beautiful women and handsome men. If you think the people who hate on celebrities are bad now, imagine being a Queen while other aristocrats gossiped of you spreading your legs for every man outside of your own husband. It was awful and Marie overheard some of it but not all even taking one hater to court after he lied that she had set up a scheme to prostitute herself for a diamond necklace!

Marie lost the case but her imposter (a real prostitute) was branded on the breasts – but ultimately the queen was still believed to have been a part of the scandal. France fell into a state of crisis and the Royalty lacked a heir to the throne which prompted a visit from her brother the Emperor Joseph of Austria who had a man-to-man with Louis. After their talk Louis underwent surgery to fix his faulty penis and the couple was able to officially consummate their marriage.

Beautiful Mother of France

Pregnant and happy, Marie soon came under fire for allegedly siding with her motherland Austria over France, starting even more rumors now that she had proven herself to be the mother of France’s future king. Her son Louis Joseph Xavier Francois was born on October 22nd, 1781 and was the first of four children to survive birth from Marie. Louis did not live past childhood, contracting tuberculosis and dying early, but his brother Louis XVII survived him to become the future heir and beloved prince of France.

Things would have worked out for Marie, now a devoted mother to her children, had more gossip not come forth accusing her of molesting her boy. The rumors and bad reputation of the queen made her hated by the people as they believed her to be wasting the Royal coffers on expensive projects, dresses and jewelry when France was in a devastating debt crisis and it’s people starving. Tempers escalated to the point of treason and pretty soon the over-spending of the aristocracy could not be tamed by Louis XVI or anyone of the advisors he hired to help balance the books. The French people struck back against the Royal family and pretty soon the beautiful Marie Antoinette and family had to leave Versailles to hide.

Death by Guillotine

The mob still caught up with the king and slaughtered his aides in his capture, trying him on several charges then taking his head off by guillotine. Marie, whose heart was broken after a long life of lies and hate being thrown at her from peers and two-faced “friends” came down with tubercolosis and was suffering (now in her late thirties). This was not enough for the fed-up, angry mob and they had her arrested and tried on charges of treason (because of her Austrian heritage), sexual abuse (lies about her son) and promiscuity. It was a farce but the people wanted blood so Marie Antoinette, the beautiful, mother and Queen was rid of her hair (typical prep for execution) and beheaded before the people by guillotine.

Her final words were “Pardon me Sir, I mean not to do it”, to the executioner when she accidentally stepped on his foot on the way to the guillotine. It was a sad and short existence for one woman whose beauty and position should have been an envious state to be in. Those final words of politeness stand eternal against the false reputation of the bitch who uttered “let them eat cake” invented by journalists who colorfully chronicled her life to the people who hated her.

Marie Antoinette is a Hottie of History, and I hope that my addition to her life-story will help bring light to one of the most wronged and misinterpreted people in history.

Kirsten Dunst (who looks nothing like her) played Marie Antoinette in 2006.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.