Apr 22

Ladies, if a man took the time to ask you out, then he had at least enough interest to want to get to know you better.  A date is NOT a relationship.  A date or even three or more does NOT MEAN that this guy is your boyfriend!

Women ask, but how can I tell if a guy is interested in me?  We went out on a date and had a great time together I would like to see him again, but I am confused.  I wonder if I failed to send out the right signals to let him know I was interested, or if he was just ignoring my signals because he was not interested.  So how can I tell if the interest is mutual?  What signs should I look for to know a man is interested in me or not?

First of all women need to get the notion that men can “read” their signals out of their head, most men can’t read them or read them the wrong way.   Be more forward and clear in what you are conveying, but sitting there sending subtle messages is not going to cut it.

A date is merely time both parties have set aside from their busy lives to spend on each other exchanging information and discovering if there is any common ground and interest to build on.  Until you are in a committed relationship you need to date several guys.

Now a few things can happen on the date, during the course of the date he may like what he discovered, be bursting with excitement and dying to see you again.  He may have decided that you are a nice girl but not the girl for him relationship-wise (maybe more of a friend).

Being out with you was painful and boring and he would rather stick an ice pick in his eye than ever see your face again.  Also you both may find that there is no relationship potential there, but there is a heavy physical attraction that either of you may or may not decide to act on.

In any case a guy with good home training will at least be polite and cordial during the date and treat you like a lady.  That “niceness” should not be taken to mean there is any serious romantic interest, and it should also not be taken as a sign of weakness that he is going to be too nice.

Most men are not good at concealing their interest in you, and will generally give off plenty of signals to let you know they want to “holla”.  For example he will create reasons to say a few words to you and strike up light conversation.  He may tell you funny stories about his weekend, jokes, etc.  This may go on for weeks while he feels you out for the Rejection Factor, and it is important that you manage this interaction so you can get the desired results.

During the date he has no qualms about openly sharing information about himself and his life; directly and honestly answers your questions.  Works at creating conversation with you, and makes a genuine effort to get to know you.His body language indicates that he is interested in the conversation – slightly leaning forward towards you, arms uncrossed, front of body open, and most importantly he is listening and elaborating on things you said rather than talking about himself.

He makes an effort to extend the date by asking if you’d like to go somewhere else after dinner or the movie, and have a snack or a nightcap.  He can’t get enough of being around you, and one of the places he is suggesting would not be his house.  There are rare cases where that is not a guy trying to get the panties, but generally it is a bad idea to go to a guys house on the first date.

His busy schedule, your child that requires a sitter before you can go out, the fact that you live 300 miles away are all not a problem.  He proves that he truly interested and that he will do whatever it takes to pursue you.

You should recognize these qualities if a guy is displaying them and don’t let small things get in the way, if he lives out of town and wants to be with you let him know what your requirements would be for you to be comfortable in that type of relationship.

He voluntarily turns off his cell phone and/or text pager so that the date will not be interrupted.  Better yet, he leaves it in the car.  Now there is an exception to this scenario, if the guy has a child or children he has to keep his cell phone with him.  But for the most part his attention should be focused on you, and not what is happening on the 3.5” screen in his pocket.

Go out of your way to be positive and welcoming.  Most guys are at least a LITTLE shy and would greatly appreciate the assurance that you are receptive to their advances.  Flirting is good!  Do that by complimenting his masculinity, intelligence, or knowledge on a certain subject.

At the end of the date let him know that you had a wonderful time with him and that he was witty, charming and a perfect host.  You could compliment him on some aspect of the evening (i.e., the restaurant you took me to was SOOOO AWESOME!  I’ll have to tell my friends about it!”)

Then you step back and leave it up to him.  There is nothing worse than a woman that cannot get a clue and who thinks sex with someone she barely knows, repeated calls begging for time or attention, or spending her money taking HIM out constitutes “a relationship.”

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • marksman..i have one dispute…to a seasoned woman with a history of getting “got” by a man with many pursuits at once, the turning off of the phone or leaving it in the car may be perceived as a red flag. if the woman is worth your time, she will understand that you are busy and that your phone rings on a regular basis…just because it rings does not mean it has to be an interruption. but deliberately leaving the phone a “non issue” can bring suspicion of him having alterior motives…

    • “M”

      You mean “ulterior”.

      (Still voted you up, though, because yes.)