Jan 26

To the average man it seems as if women want 150% of our attention, all the time… they want us to play on their time, in their stadium, in their city. When asked “what must a man do for a woman to respect our personal guy time?” The answer is always “make time for her”, but how much time is enough time? What about the chick with nothing going on, who will keep you on the couch watching crap TV for hours if you let her? Men don’t find that fun, interesting or remotely desirable – but we feel we have to, or the woman will leave. Sound like hell?

Well gamers, loners and forever-aloners, I offer some solutions to your woes with the boring, seemingly demanding woman in your life who always has something to say when you’re enjoying your thing.

What’s Her Issue Anyway?

Women are selfish and competitive with your attention. This means that your hobby is as much a problem as your mom, ex-girlfriend, the hot chick walking by, or anything that has your attention above them. To us this seems like a sad, petty way to go about life but to them it’s real. No woman wants to be number 2 to anything involving you and so you will have to master the art of “faking it”.

“It’s all about the video game getting the love… when you play you are animated, smiling, passionate, happy… all things a woman wants from a man. Then you get off the game and the only thing you want from us is sex.” – Denise.C

The above quote used videogames as an example since it is one of the most misunderstood hobbies that people with non-gamer significant others give them hell for. So many gamers have come to me asking how to tackle this girlfriend jealousy thing that I will be using videogames as the model for the advice that I am about to give.

Nerds Are Too Honest With Women

Seriously, I am actually saying this and meaning every word of it – you nerds take the honesty thing overboard. You DO NOT have to tell your new girl that you raid every Thursday at 8 pm, you DO NOT have to tell her that you have a Street Fighter tournament on Saturday and you DO NOT have to make her accept your gamer life or hit the road. Do you like sex and videogames? It’s possible to have both if you keep your awkward, overly honest mouth shut.

The only time you should reveal your hardcore gamer side to your woman is if:

  • She herself is a hardcore gamer.
  • She has her own non-money making hobby that she is passionate about – which you find worthless.
  • She’s one of the few people in the world who isn’t a judgmental ass and won’t air out your issues to her girlfriends at work.
  • You work insane hours, pull in more money than god and pamper her ass with gifts and time to where anything more would damn near be suffocating.
  • You pack more meat than Lexington Steele in your pants.

Anything other than the above list and you will need to keep the raids, the 6 hour Final Fantasy playtimes and the Skyrim obsession to yourself. If your girl wants to know what you were doing that whole day, then you need to plan ahead for your gaming time.

The Sponsor A Married Gamer Program

Many of my married friends have non-gaming wives who would rather them ride the couch watching reruns like Al Bundy than to be organizing drops on the enemy in Battlefield 3. For these friends, we single men are  a godsend. Married gamers, find a single man to befriend fast if you want to use this method of ducking the battle axe swinging from your wife’s arm.

You will need a laptop (if you’re a PC Gamer), a flat screen television, your game system(s) of choice and an agreement with your man that if the wife calls you were out kicking it, playing basketball or whatever else she can accept as a reasonable pastime within her mind. Sad isn’t it? But it is what it is, you are essentially having an affair with your game system and letting your buddy provide the alibi for you. Go to his house to game and keep those dirty videogames out of her sight!

Editor’s Note: Many men have even setup a game station at their jobs to avoid the scrutiny of their wives at home.

The Late Night Grind

If you don’t want to cheat on your girl with your gaming, you can schedule your time for games to be when she’s away or asleep. The downside to doing this is that you will push her away without knowing it. Suddenly her emergency visit to her mom’s is like winning the lottery as you pepper her with questions like “how long will you be gone!” in hopes of it being an entire week.

Pro-Tip For Alphas – Just Demand Your Time

Are you a confident man who can assert yourself without worrying about being left high and dry? Then establish a set schedule of “me time” that your girl is to let you go do whatever it is you want to do by yourself – this would be hobby time. Most women will respect this and the honesty and while she may pick at you a bit for it, she’ll keep it a non-issue.

* * * *

At the end of the day please make sure that you aren’t actually the bad guy in this whole thing (you know, the loser who games all day and ignores wife and kids). Give your woman attention, make sure she feels loved and do not obsess about your hobby to her – she will only wonder why you aren’t going on about her the same way. Keep it cool, don’t be so damn honest and plan your hobbies around your woman, not the other way around.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.