Apr 12

washing hands with soap

I hate shaking hands, I really do, hell I wish we would just bow like the Japanese or even kiss the air by each other cheeks… like cute Latinas do. I admit it, I am one of those freaks who would rather not shake hands with you… but the socially awkward penguin within me does not make me strong enough to just refuse. Want to know why? Consider this scenario:

I am networking heavily at a conference of peers when the panel breaks for lunch within the next room. The lunch for the day comprises mostly of finger foods and I am starving and anxious to eat. The line for the food is extremely long however and my partners have to depart… so naturally we shake hands and the only thought within my mind is the dirty, icky feeling that comes with hand to hand contact. It lingers as I stand in line, until it becomes too much to bear and I leave to find water or hand sanitizer to douse the cooties away.

So it’s not so much that I dislike shaking hands, it’s far worse than that actually, I find the act to be absolutely disgusting.

But Why!?

Men shaking handsThis issue of mine came about almost overnight and I am not sure where it came from. It makes no sense really as I don’t have the same issue with typing on someone’s keyboard, using their mouse (think of all the nasty germs and bodily fluids on these things), and I really don’t flinch at door knobs or shoe laces. I do however use my foot to flush a public toilet and will not lie on someone’s carpet unless I know them and their habits well. It’s as if I pick and choose my compulsive offenders but hand shaking is the king of them all.

For people like me with this condition of thinking that handshakes give away cooties, we have to make sure that our hands are washed after shaking or it will not allow us to pick up food and eat it. It’s hard to explain why I feel this way but like everyone with an odd hang-up like this I tend to keep it to myself as not to offend others.

It’s funny but I recall one of my friends named Jen who had her own bit of compulsive weirdness going on because she could not ever eat anything that she touched with her hands. Seriously… if you haven’t seen a woman manage to eat a cookie with a fork, I’ll introduce you to Jen. I always poked fun at her for it but she was serious about her disgust of hands touching food – there’s no way I can laugh at her now because of my handshake thing.

So there I’ve admitted to it, though you would never know it if you met me… But as a businessman this has been an annoying hang-up to have being that clients shake hands… a lot.

So what is your minor disorder if you have one? I know that I am not the only freak in the house. Please do share and we can hold hands and sing about it… wait no, never mind on the hand holding.

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  • Neil

    I feel you on this one, Greg…LOLOL! I’ve witnessed TOO many examples of dudes, NOT washing their hands after the bathroom visit…yet they’re the first ones to offer the newspaper, coffee, food….etc. you see where I’m goin’ with this? Lololol

  • Handshakes

    Hands are made to transmit germs from one person to another. They go in the nose, in the butt, they are used to wipe the snot off your face or to pick trash up off the ground.

    Hands are for spreading germs… and handshakes is how you do it.