May 26

A friend of mine recently came to realize that a lifelong friend of hers only called her when she needed something. She has known this friend for over 25 years yet this realization just dawned on her – how is this possible? Knowing her well, I realized that it’s due to her being a super nice, unselfish person with a bleeding heart. Kind people are so locked into helping others out that they tend to put their own feelings to the side and in doing that miss out on the fact that they are being used. This is even worse in relationships, a woman who cooks, cleans and pays part of the rent will not notice that all her man does is eat and play video games. Not everybody has the good conscience to check themselves when they are being a user. They will come to your house, eat the food you offer, watch your movies, talk up your sister and all without a thought that they have never extended the same gesture to you and yours.

I have many kind and unselfish friends, so it defaults me as the token asshole because for all my niceties, I keep a running total in my mind for favors. If you are into me for several favors and you either denied me on something I’ve asked or become unavailable when I need you then I stop answering your calls for help. There’s checks and balances in everything and I treat those who are kind with extra kindness. The users in my life are people who barely hear from me, I don’t attend their weddings or their birthday parties, and I don’t congratulate them on anything. This may not be the best way to deal with a selfish person but it’s my way and it keeps me safe from them.

“A person that manipulates is almost guaranteed to be a repeat offender”

When you find out that someone in your life is manipulating you, the best course I have found is to cut them quick and fast. It’s the samurai way, the manipulator that has been caught in the offense should either fall on their sword (apologize frantically and promise to not slight you again), or you take his/her head off with one motion (dump the relationship asap). When you are nice and giving, you are the easiest target and a person that manipulates is almost guaranteed to be a repeat offender. If you feel as if you cannot make the decision on someone, or that you’re unsure on the manipulation then ask an outside person. Our family members, loved ones and friends will always catch the manipulation before we can. Normally when you find out a friend is a “user”, he/she will have used you quite a bit already.

Manipulative people will use you, make you feel guilty for not assisting them and then turn right back around and pull back their hand when it is you that needs the help. In those times you should do as I do – draw your blade, kick em in the gut so that they kneel and take their head off in one strike (I’ve had enough practice). Not literally of course but figuratively, get them out of your life for good. Nobody deserves to be manipulated.

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  • So so true.. the right thing to do – if it’s in you. Like you, I know I am nice and pretty generous with that gift. BUT I have learned how to spot the assholes and manipulators and opportunists. Best part of the dump factor – is when they or someone else ask me what’s up. I get to tell!!! I think it takes most of us dear friend… some life experience to get around to sharpening the swords to lop off the heads with one swift motion. I watched my teenager go thru being used but I couldn’t tell her anything that would change her generous responsive behavior. She had to get really tired of it on her on. I have found too.. that the people I dump are the people I didn’t really like anyway. Well.. maybe one guy wasn’t. I had a crush on him. When I check on him occasionally he’s like a scardy now. But knows he can’t get over on me any more. My cousin – I wanna tell her why I dumped her but she probably wont care. Thanks for another good read!