And they totally have been known to look like members of the cast of the Walking Dead when browsing the aisles of Walgreens for toiletries. (The zombies – not the cool guys with the machine guns.) They’re walking aimlessly and groaning. Lost and confused. Why? Because unlike their female counterpart, most men were never shown how to shop. And no – that time your girlfriend drug you to the mall for eight hours doesn’t count. You were there to provide the credit card and hold her purchases. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Several factors account for why a lot of men are just not that into shopping for the basics – the most obvious one being that since your birth, manly essentials just magically appeared when you needed them. The reality? You had your mom to thank for that one. And it’s time to give her a break. After all, she practically raised you. (Oh wait, no… she totally did raise you.)
Now some of you found girlfriends happy to pick up where mom left off – again, guys, girlfriends are not the new mom. And some of you, were unfortunately left to your own devices, which means Batman boxers, socks with holes in them, and stealing mints from Chilis to substitute for toothpaste.
Well, never fear, because if you’re just now starting to feel pretty damn inadequate – we’ve got a solution to propose. Hot new San Francisco-based startup Manpacks has is now on the scene to take away the hassle and inconvenience of shopping with an easy web-based service that delivers every manly good you need – on a schedule or as needed.
No, really – these items can start magically appearing on your doorstep every three months. No mom required. Girlfriend approved. And it doesn’t have to break the bank either. “Affordable luxury,” if you will.
Manpacks will send you a manly bundle of underwear, t shirts, socks, shaving products etc. Whatever you need – even condoms. Which means you can finally stop stealing them from your roommate. Otherwise, one of these days, he’s going to have a kid calling you Uncle and it’ll be all your fault.
Browse a wide selection of products at competitive prices, including popular brand names such as Hanes, Calvin Klein, Nivea, and Durex. YOU design your Manpack which means you can make it as basic and affordable or as ultra-cool and expensive as you want. Because can you really put a price on comfortable, breathable briefs?
And as if the easy-to-navigate website and order process wasn’t enough, you can easily modify, delay, or rush the delivery of your Manpack if something comes up. If your boss has a hate on for you and is sending you to the North Pole on business? Manpacks has a great set of thermal pants ready to be rushed to you. Unfortunately, they can’t send you a new boss so good luck with that. But they do promise that if you’re unhappy with your Manpack – they’ll take care of it at no cost to you.
Does this all seem way too good to be true? It’s really not.
Manpacks just understands men. And they know that men have better things to do with their time. Clearly I’m talking about gunning for your boss’ position, scoring a date with Liz in accounting, or for some of you – level up in Skyrim. They don’t judge. I mean, these are ALL perfectly acceptable goals that take time, concentration, and effort. You need to bring your A-game. Which shouldn’t be compromised by that trip to Macy’s to pick out new underwear. But let’s face it – you can only stand so many holes in your boxers before they get – um, drafty?
So do yourself a favor today, pull out your credit card, and order your first Manpack. We pretty much guarantee immediate “big boy” status upon doing so.
Order your Manpack today at www.manpacks.com!See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.