Feb 26

“It was like napalm, sexual napalm”
– John Mayer about sex with Jessica

I am sure you have heard about, or read the allegedly racist comments John Mayer made in his interview with Playboy. While I do agree that the man has zero brains when it comes to foresight for backlash when you make dumb jokes to the press – calling him a racist is not going to be exact science, and it will be based on who you are talking to. I could care less what John Mayer thinks about black women or who he chooses to run up in when the groupies come flooding backstage for him. I’m not sure when being a sexualized object became a standard to aspire for (speaking to the women who are now pissed at him for dissing them) but the man apparently has a flavor – in a sense we all do, does that make him racial? Nah. Just boring. What I did get from his interview though is that Jessica Simpson must have some platinum quality stuff going on down there. I mean dude makes it out to be the El Dorado of love.

His description makes you think of her as a succubus with the ability to drain you with pleasure whilst keeping you thirsty, unwilling to get the hell out. That Saturday morning good-good, where you’re like “fuck it I don’t have to be at work GAME ON BABY!!” Apparently Jessica put it on Mayer HARD!! And while it was insulting, and misogynistic or whatever other offensive big word you can throw at the interview, as a man, who likes women, this peaked my interest. What the hell do you have going on there Jess? Was Romo ensorcelled by your sexual spell as well? What about Nick? Is Mayer just insane? I mean he propped her up in a way that most guys would label you “pussy whipped” for going on about a woman like that. And NO red blooded man wants to wear the “pussy whipped” label.

Having stayed far away from the bandwagon of lusting for Jess over the years (hell the media has forced me to be anti-blond out of pure rebellion for what gets forced down my throat), recalling the interview she had with Maxim about saving “it” for marriage, to the show where she said a lot of dumb shit, and her acting stint as the redneck treat Daisy Duke. She never impressed me, I mean she was the typical blond, sexy, country girl stereotype that represents how the world sees America.  I steered away from the Southern Belle and her bald headed peer (Britney) during that whole brat pack era and I chose not to bite when the images of her being extra plump on stage surfaced after Tony Romo brought her back into the headlines. Go ahead and scour the Halls, you will find it Jessica free even when the demands for her were high, I was adamant about staying away… but this my fellow dragons, THIS cannot be ignored:

PLAYBOY: You were addicted to Jessica Simpson?
MAYER:
Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.

PLAYBOY: But before you dated her you thought of yourself as the kind of guy who would never date Jessica Simpson.
MAYER:
That’s correct. There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.”

Now fellas, you know that as men we NEVER carry on about a woman like this unless she laid it on us. The power of sex is such, if a woman puts it on a man to where he loses his mind like this guy apparently has… he will shout it to the mountains as we can read with this interview. DAMN JESS? What’s really happening? If it’s that damn banging how the hell did Nick and Romo let you escape so easily? Needless to say while Mayer is being publically tarred and feathered for calling his dick a Klansman and dragging Kerry Washington’s name needlessly into the dirt. I blinked past the racism and started to wonder if there really IS something about Jessica. I guess only time will tell. Tongue planted firmly in cheek (no pun intended).

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