Though we tend to stay out of politics here at Hall of The Black Dragon, I found it prudent to address the brand new go-to excuse for predatory language–in regards to women–the now trending term of Locker-Room Talk. As someone that has played, fought, and bonded with other men in sports, martial arts, and lifting weights, it really annoys me that I am being generally lumped in with douchebags that think taking a kiss, or taking a grope is cool.
Let’s be honest. Men of my age (GenX) have never been the pinnacle of Beta perfection that is pushed as ideal in this modern age. We objectify women unapologetically, we are crude, and we tend to be very stubborn about changing any of that. In a high school locker-room with other males, we tend to clown one another, when we weren’t clowning, or being clowned we talked about the game. When a girl is the subject, she would 100% be objectified, but if there’s a guy bragging about “grabbing the pussy,” or “taking a kiss,” he pretty much stands out on his own.
…there is a line and that is way past it…
This isn’t to say that predators don’t find company in weaker males, and soft friends that want their approval, but in my experience, having been in locker-rooms, we don’t get down like that. To be honest with you, that sort of language creeps me out to the point where I start to give a man the side glance. A man that is taking kisses (which we are all scolded not to do as little boys) and grabbing pussy, is scary! Do you hear me? A dude who says that is deaf to “no means no,” and would probably take it from a passed out girl, or slip something into a woman’s drink. Not saying that they all would do this, but that’s how I categorize THAT particular dude. I love sports, and I love manly sh-t, but there is a line and that is way past it.
What DO Men Talk About In A Locker-room?
It doesn’t take a locker-room for men to objectify women. Just be attractive and walk on by and someone is going to make a comment that leads to more comments about your looks. Let’s be clear, there are tons of women–and men–who will lazily take this and turn it into, “well what’s the difference?” but there’s a huge difference between saying “damn, did you see those legs?” and saying “last night when I went out with that chick, she just let me grab the pussy.” Whoa! Blow the whistle, hold-up, stop…
But Greg, what if it’s a dude that’s just putting himself over, wanting to feel like the man and bragging about something that never really happened?
That’s a fair question, dudes do tend to be full of sh-t when kissing and telling, but lets consider a few hints, shall we? Most men brag about how much a woman comes on to them, if not that, then they brag about their talk game, how they were so cool that the woman did this and did that… Not how, they grabbed this and that and she “let” them do it.
Again, I cannot sit here and say that THAT particular individual does not exist in any locker-rooms, but I have yet to meet an athlete or former athlete to cosign this as the norm. It is NOT locker-room talk, it’s douchebag talk, and they don’t need a locker-room to do it!
Leave Men in General Out of Your Mess
Making this rapey level of conversation a general man thing–because lets face it, that’s what they’re doing–does no good for any of us. I’m a man, I subjectively/objectively find women attractive, and I have said as much–and posted here–about it. This does not make me a predator, a wannabe predator, or a soon-to-be predator, it makes me a certain type of guy. Part of the reason we started this site to discuss the topics that we do is due to the numerous blogs that have sprung up in recent years that lump all men into a category of rape. It’s lazy and it’s unfair and it’s 100% untrue. Most of us love and care for our mothers, daughters, wives and significant others… hard to believe, but there it is.
Please, don’t fall for the okey doke, this isn’t a locker-room banter type of thing. The funniest thing about this excuse is that it is being made by people whose only knowledge of a locker-room is what they see on ESPN. It’s a stupid generalization that isn’t worthy of the athletes that will no doubt get the heat for a douchebag’s rape talk–as if professional sports needs any more heat. Keep our thing out of your mouth, please, this isn’t who I am and it isn’t any of the men that I personally know.
Last point: If you are a guy, or a woman with a guy that defends any level of language that hints at “taking it” from a woman, I can’t cosign you, and I’ll probably need you to stay a jab’s distance away from any woman in my life. I don’t agree with it, and like I said, even as a high schooler I found it creepy.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.