Sep 24


When I tell men that a woman sums us up within five minutes as to whether or not there will be sex and/or a relationship in the future, many argue back with the foolish notion that “game” is above natural selection. If you are one of the nonbelievers who believe that, please read this:

“We end up meeting up on Monday (Labor Day) for coffee at a cute little cafe. Immediately, I know he’s not a match. It was just a feeling like, “I don’t EVER want to have sex with this person.” We grab coffee, go for a walk and he tells me all about the great work he is doing in the nonprofit world (which I commend), but he is still in his mid-thirties and flailing to find success in his life and profession.”  – (Emily – mylifeonmatchandmore)

The above quote is from one of the many blogs that I follow in my daily reading. I borrowed her quote in order to illustrate again to you men the way that women think when it comes to dating and attraction. As you can see from what was written, it only took one meeting and one date for her to sum up whether or not the guy:

A. Will get inside her panties.

B. Will be considered a potential boyfriend based on his professional situation.

While this may give you an immediate opinion on Emily as being shallow (half of you are probably saying “I wonder what the hell she looks like”) the fact of the matter is that she isn’t. Emily is being a regular woman dating. For anybody that argues back at me that a man doesn’t have it as hard as a woman out here in the dating jungle, I present to you the pressure that Emily’s quick summation of her date places on her potential suitors. I will follow it up with the paradox that this presents.

A man must first be physically appealing to a woman

If you notice I didn’t say “attractive”, “handsome”, or “good-looking”. Many women have different tastes, and when it comes to young girls it is interesting that the hottest Hollywood face at the time tends to curb their desires. Channing Tatum and Idris Elba would not get any play if they were bussing tables in Florida 5 years ago, but a few movie roles and media attention has made them the crème de la crème of male sexiness for women today (tell me I’m wrong). This is why your looks can only go so far in terms of attracting a high number of women.

To go past the looks (excluding the women with specific tastes in men) you have to “come off” a certain way. This is a mystery that no pickup artist or relationship expert can solve because a woman’s immediate attraction to us is way too dynamic. You have to have the right look, in the right year, for the right type of chick. This is why many of us will say “do you” and don’t worry about messing with your appearance. If a woman is attracted to men that look like her father… how would you be able to match that?

A man must be financially successful

Emily is a mystery on her blog because she’s anonymous, but many women will read her statement and nod in agreement that a man who is past 30 and tender in the wallet is not worth the sex and the free meals that come with dating.

We are continuously drilled with the false notion that these things no longer matter to women yet reality laughs at the idealists who sell us this bull. It’s as bad as saying that a woman’s looks mean very little to her suitors… that’s a bunch of crap. Emily’s summary on the guy she dated is the truth in attraction – do not get it twisted. It is an ugly, harsh game that we play to find love and the only ones privileged enough to get through it are those who still play by the rules that have always been there:

  • Women like good looking, confident men with ambition.
  • Men like beautiful women with sex appeal.

Anyone who says otherwise is smoking something potent. Sure there are exceptions to the rule – especially in a world where being outside of the hive mind is admired, but when you deal with basic men and women, the basic rules of attraction still stands. It is a testament to why we have such a hard time letting the right women and men into our lives.

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  • article is on point, men refuse to admit that finances matter…I had a quote once stating a woman’s primal urge is NOT to fall in love but is to feel safe whether that’s financially,emotionally,sexually,intellectually or physically. What happens is she may fall in love with the man that makes her feel most safe in the area(s) she values most. she may even have multiple men for each. But besides that rule of thumb is if she’s not interested, she’s not interesting.

  • Debbie H

    I’ve been married to my husband for thirteen years now, together for almost twenty. He is not wealthy, never has been. In fact we have had the worst few years of our lives financially, we have huge debts. Because of this, we hardly go out and don’t have money for much beyond the essentials. I am not with him for money, nor looks as he’s far from stereotypically good looking (although I of course find him attractive). But I agree with the other comment, its all about security for women. Most importantly, I think we just need to feel sure that a man will do his best to look after us and our children., whether that’s with or without money. A man with lots of money wont necessarily make a woman feel secure if she doubts his every move.

  • Emily Macintosh

    Hi Greg! Thanks so much for reading my blog and writing this one. An excellent take on dating out there – you HAVE to be attracted to someone, right? I’m a cute girl, but I’m realistic. I’m a 7, maybe an 8. I am well aware of what guys are looking for and I’m looking for the same thing. Someone I find attractive that feels the same way about me. And if you’re hot and have no drive (in anything you do!), have a fling, but a future is out of the question. I work hard and have passion – you should too. You don’t have to be wealthy, but you have to want more in life.

    Next time you trackback to one of my blogs tweet me so I can help you get the word out there. xo, Emily