Jun 17

man-flirting-on-bus

Do you ever wonder why it is that “Nice Guys” never seem to do well with the opposite sex? Could it be the old accurate stereotype of women wanting jerks when they’re young and then nice guys when they’re riddled with baggage and almost too old to conceive? I have had the pleasure of meeting a lot of guys who read the site and find some of my advice useful in their daily lives, but one of the questions I get asked a lot is how you stop being a Nice Guy, or how do you convince someone that you are much more than the label.

Well the first thing you have to realize is that you’re owning a label that is bringing you down. The word nice brings about the illusion of “good”, or “moral” but in reality it is a negative that is a euphemism for “boring” and “pushover”.

There’s Nothing Nice about A Nice Guy

You’re not a “Nice Guy” because you do what a good, moral man is supposed to do; you are not a “Nice Guy” because you treat women with respect; you are a “Nice Guy” because you don’t take risks. Sure you may think that making out early on the first date is a bit extreme, but on the 3rd or 4th date when you haven’t challenged your love interest to tell you “no” to anything… well chances are she’s already bored of you.

Dating and “the game” has always been cat and mouse and no matter how many older, seasoned women come out and tell you that being sweet, kind, and understanding is enough, the fact of the matter is that their younger selves wanted a challenge. Opportunistic, Misandry-laced, Feminist articles may tell you that being a tool for women on dates should be enough, but why listen to writers who have no interest in helping you out because of your gender in lieu of theory that pushes an agenda? Reality is this: The difference between a “Nice Guy” and a guy who gets laid, is that the guy who gets laid actually tries to get laid. Are you still with me here?

Pushing Buttons To start Something

One of the biggest fears that Nice Guys have with women is in disappointing them. This makes no sense to me because outside of dating her because you like her, why would you care what her opinion of you is if she has already resolved that you are not her type? As an example let’s look at Oprah’s reaction to Terrence Howard pushing her buttons:

The fear of offending a woman, going a bit too far, or challenging her to call you out a bit is the action of someone who is trying to gain a friend not someone who is trying to gain a lover. If you aren’t trying “Nice Guy” then she’s going to always read it as disinterest.

So push some buttons, go a little further than comfortable and allow her to tell you the parameters when you’ve played your hand too far. This fear of going in is what makes the “friend-zone” a real chance for you and it’s the reason your obnoxious friend gets so much more play than you do. Cross a line or 2 nice guy!

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • Antonio M. Daniels

    This is why I resist labels and believe that others should not be so willing to embrace labels. Labeling can put you in a box that you may never be able to get out of. I think the right approach is to find a balance between “nice guy” and “bad guy.” Taking risks is important, indeed — not just for dating but to be successful in life in general.

  • Atlanta_Man

    I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. I’ve always been one to let it happen on its own- I never pushed the issue. One girl actually remarked that she wondered if I was gay (because I didn’t try to get her naked before 9 dates). Another girl interpreted my reluctance to sleep with her on the second date as disinterest. After a girl I went out with once told me she wanted to ‘rip my clothes off’ (after being Mr. Nice Guy), I just cross the line more often. Recently, things got heavy with a gal and she pushed back in the afternoon, but after dinner, she disappeared and walked back into the room wearing a nightie.

    • You made me cheer out loud Atlanta Man, thanks for the comment. This is exactly what I’m talking about… everything needs a little push:

      “she pushed back in the afternoon, but after dinner, she disappeared and walked back into the room wearing a nightie.”

      BEAST! Love it.