Mar 10

I’m Sorry I Messed Up, Are You Dating Anybody Right Now?

The game of courtship can be a rewarding one, men earn themselves a beautiful, loving mate and women earn romance stories to brag to their girlfriends about. One of my best friends planted his wife’s engagement ring amongst the branches of the tree that they first kissed under. It is no doubt that she will tell that story forever – they just celebrated the birth of their second child, it’s a beautiful thing. The majority of my friends are seemingly happy in their marriages, so the statistics of divorce rates, alimony and child support woes that I read about daily gets balanced out just by hanging out with them. One thing I’ve noticed however is that all of them were either married out of High School or a few years after college – the younger 20s.

As myself and other men of my age grow older we lose tolerance, accept independence and make no pretense at wanting that to change. The women we date are hungry, wanting to gain what those twenty-somethings have and pushing to get wedded, seeded and established before the mighty four oh. Many of us men still aren’t ready or we will never be ready – this causes conflict. For this reason a man who is ready to settle down will oft-times come out with it within the first few weeks of dating. Other men are gun shy, prior victims to relationship assault or simply observers to enough train-wreck marriages to know that it is not for them. Many women choose not to respect the man’s choice, or choose to have selective hearing when he says no. In their closed, selfish minds, they can “make him” marry them.

Lose My Number, I’ve Already Lost Yours

As a grown man I have had my fair share of women playing games, women not knowing what they want and women regretting that they had let me go. I lost the empathy, care and compassion for those that “could have been” when the seasons changed, my worth multiplied and my taste refined. I keep looking forward, choosing to spend time with those who value my companionship. I have no reason to compromise who I am, what I believe in and what I have. My wants are minimal but my memory is long. There are times when I run into old flames, lovers and the like and they talk to me with their eyes bright, as if the happiness is newly discovered. They wonder what I am doing now – in life, they bring up the past of how they “knew me so well”, they ask me if I am seeing anyone – I gladly say yes. It’s as if the hardship they bestowed upon me during the years of grinding and scratching my way out of the crap never occurred. They don’t remember telling me that “maybe I should go find a white girl” because my interests expanded beyond the black experience. They forget that they had their turn and squandered it, losing my attention to someone who looks better, accepts me for me and compliments my eccentricity.

The women who made for excellent email chatters, Instant Messagers, texters etc. but were not patient enough to give me a week or 2 to catch up on emergency situations within my life. Women who lost interest because I “work too much” or “took too long to call”. The women who think that the world revolves around them, blind to the fact that I have had choices and that I seek no friendship from women I “tried to talk to” or “used to talk to”. I’m a man, we don’t pursue women as friends, get that into your cute little heads and think on it.

If we were talking and you decide not to continue with me romantically then I have no need or wont to be placed in your Glass Jar in case life doesn’t pan out for you. I don’t want you calling me 5 years later when you reminisce on how well we clicked in our conversation and how much of a gentleman I was compared to the thug you just divorced. Lose my number girlfriend, I have already lost yours. You have had your chance and you blew it, I’m progressing on to brighter pastures.

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