Apr 03

new married couple

Our generation of men has possibly become the torch bearers for the bachelor way of life. Our emotions regarding relationships are not excessively unfavorable or even optimistic since we view marriage as one of a couple living options in the future.

For many years in this country, women were treated like 2nd class citizens; they weren’t allowed to leave their parent’s houses until they were married and to get married they had to be courted. Women had to rely on a husband to take care of the finances while she took care of the children and home. Well now times have changed and many women are making just as much or more than men.

Women no longer need a man to survive

People can take care of themselves now and don’t need to partner up with someone to get through the tough times. This has led to women marrying at older ages than in the past, and it’s also made them much more picky. This change has made people re-evaluate the reasons why they are getting married. There is this misconception that because a person is single, their primary focus is on themselves, which isn’t always true.

Commitment is not something that is exclusive to married people; why do you think people get divorced? I know that people want to believe that love conquers all, and that their marriage can withstand anything, but more times than not it can’t and people end up staying married and living together out of convenience. Many married couples don’t sleep in the same bed anymore, but won’t get a divorce because they don’t want to be single.

Marrying to fix the black community’s problems

Reading a lot of the articles published by black problem solvers today, you would think that black marriage would solve everything. I am aware that the married couple raising kids inside a stable two parent home is usually the best, but beyond children without fathers our main issue has always been identity. We derived much of our identity from what someone has given us and it has led to a lack of awareness.

I know several friends who married simply because they grew tired of being single and wanted a change. The other motive was to have children; this is the case with a lot of bachelors marrying out of convenience because they want to have kids and not get raked over the coals for child support. The number of conversations I have had with friends trying to decide if they should get married have been numerous, and none them were decisions of love.

Women are able to get pregnant with any guy and raise the child independently, unlike men who have to rely on women for children. This leads to much of the opinion that you are reading here, and it is why so many of my formerly single friends chose to settle versus anything else. Women believe that they can focus on career first now and wait to find a guy who fits into their world. Unfortunately what they think and what life has in store for them is dramatically different.

Comment converted from: Marriage is The New Black 2009/08/20

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